AIBU or expecting too much from my sisters wedding??

[cheza9126]

Ok so my sister is getting married and she's chosen a girl who she has only knew for a few years and who is a teenager to be her bridesmaid, she has not mentioned why she hasn't chosen me but being her sister I would have expected to be at least offered to be a bridesmaid for her. We don't see each other much but we share everything so it's not a case we've drifted apart. I'm quite annoyed as she was my bridesmaid and also gave me away so she played a big part on my day and now I feel comepletley left out of it all. My mum and dad have split up years ago and don't talk anymore and she has both sets of parents on the top table and I'm left with people who aren't even family and a massive difference in age and personality.

Can't help feeling upset about the whole thing but woul like to know if you think I'm being unreasonable or can think of anything why she wouldn't have asked me.

The sit down bit can drag if you're sat with uninteresting (to you) people but if you're having a full sit down meal have a little mooch around between courses. Or just excuse yourself and go have a Facebook/Mumsnet surf in the Loos for a bit.
It'll soon be over and you can mingle with friends and have a dance.

Is she very traditional? Traditionally a bridesmaid had to be unmarried.

Is there some massive back story of her being jealous of you because you got married before she did and her having to be bridesmaid for her younger sister was the ultimate humiliation -not projecting in any way at all-

Er...has the bridesmaid been chosen for her looks maybe? Casting no aspersions on you OP but may your sister have thought a young pretty girl would go down well on the photos? Would she be this shallow?

I didn't have my sister who I love dearly as a bridesmaid, but did have her as a witness. That's because she doesn't do dresses and wouldn't have been comfortable though. More pertinently, I dint have any of my close friends as bms because I went down the route of asking DH's nieces (teenagers I've only known a few years) and my second cousin (also a teenager) because in my mind having 'grown up' bridesmaids is a bit of a new-fangled thing. Doesn't mean I love or value my friends any less. Plus I knew the girls would be super-excited, wear what they were told to, and I could afford to dress three teenagers nicely but not four or five adults. And my friends were then free to enjoy the wedding and get pissed as guests. Could any/ all of these things be considerations for your sister?

I had all my sisters as my bridesmaid and my second sister as my maid of honour. For her wedding she only used the youngest sister and asked me to clean to hall afterwards. We hadn't fallen out she just genuinely thought she could rely on her family members to clean for her after her wedding.

in my mind having 'grown up' bridesmaids is a bit of a new-fangled thing

Surely it's the other way around!

I was the only family member not on the top table at my DB wedding and I wasn't bridesmaid either there decision plus I was heavily pregnant so pretty glad. I much prefer being and guest with no responsibility

I think that must feel horrible for you op. I would however, just stick a smile on and get through it.

I thought my oldest sister and I were close but she has developed such a resentment over the last three years, all over things which I had no clue about. I never asked her what it was about but eventually, my other siblings have told me bits and bobs and I've come to realise it is her lookout if she wants for feel that way. I have largely moved on now, although it was stupendously painful for a couple of years.

At the risk of opening a can of worms, if she's larger/plainer than you, she may not want the comparisons.

She's put you with them for their sake, because she knows you and your children will entertain them. That's the job she's given you. She knows you're all lovely and make people happy.

Have a lovely time: the weather looks good! Try to get a photo together at some point.

It sounds very sad. I am feeling sad for you! Families are strange aren't they? I hope you manage to have a good day anyway. I am left out of a wedding for a close family member soon. There is a huge backstory though (none of which I feel has anything to do with me doing anything wrong) but it still felt horrid to hear about it and be told its a big swanky affair with distant relatives being invited (none of which are attending btw). I would still attend if I was sent an invitation at the last minute but I know I wont get one.

I didn't have my sister as bm. She was married before me and I was bm for her. But when I was planning mine I did think about it but I did read somewhere that bms were traditionally unmarried (although I am not always traditional!), but there were several other reasons too. We lived 400 miles apart & I wanted my bm to help with dress shopping, hen do etc & actually the main reason was I didn't want my wedding to be a carbon copy or mirror image of hers. For a reason I don't want to give here, it HAD to be different. I was and still am very close to my sister. She has never held it against me, but one thing I do regret is not talking to her about it at the time.

Go to the wedding and be happy for your sister.

Mithering over this the day before the wedding is not a good thing. You've had months (presumably) to speak to her and find out why she didn't choose you as her Maid of Honour (not bridesmaid).

Is there a reason she gave you away, seeing as how your Dad is still alive? Did he not want to come to your wedding due to the relationship with your Mum? If so, why is he going to your sister's wedding

You sound better than me - I wouldn't have gone!

That sound so hurtful, sorry Op. Hope you're having a nice day with the rest of your family though.

Oh, for my wedding I didn't have my sisters as bridesmaids because I thought they'd find it a bit daft to be dressed up in big frilly dresses. I asked my 8 yr old niece instead and she was delighted. I asked my sisters both to give readings instead. I love them both to bits but I thought bridesmaids were a little person thing.

Bridesmaids traditionally helped and supported the bride. So they'd usually be older teenagers and adults, not children.

I Was a bridesmaid when I was 2
Don't think I was much help to the bride
I hope you enjoy the day OP 🌺

Hope you had a good time still op.

I was my sister's BM and it was horrific. First I was a bitch for being too thin (I had to have a size six ordered and she's struggled to get to a size 12 - I have just always had a faster metabolism than her, not my fault) this was in the middle of the bridal dress shop. I picked the same shoes as her (again this wasn't my fault as we don't even live in the same part of the country) I offered to take them back, she refused to let me then sulked about it. She spent the whole day talking to her new SILs who were also bridesmaids and stuck me on the end of each photo. I spent the whole day suppressing the urge to have a teenage brawl across the reception. Next day we were out of there asap! When I get married I will only have my DD.

I was one of my big sister's bridesmaids but it didn't cross my mind to ask her to do anything particularly special for my wedding. My cousin was one of my bridesmaids but I wasn't sad she didn't ask me to do anything special at her wedding.

I really don't like weddings with top tables and seating plans, it all seems a bit formal and hierarchical to me. The only wedding I've been to with set seating was also fairly excruciating, having to make small talk for ages with complete strangers while getting progressively more hungry and bored. It was the wedding of my other bridesmaid but I didn't feel it was a snub, I assume she thought we had something in common/ it worked out for her plan somehow. I certainly didn't hold it against her!