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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is the rudest behaviour

133 replies

InanimateCarbonRod · 16/06/2016 19:13

We were out for an early dinner. Myself, DH and DC (teenagers) picked a local eaterie with a good early bird deal. The restaurant is empty except for a man dining alone a few tables away.

He takes a smartphone out of his pocket and proceeds to watch TV on the phone with the volume up. We were speechless. Confused

AIBU to think this is so rude?!

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 17/06/2016 12:20

sign of the times
Two tables two incidences of electronics allowed to dominate the whole situation.

The man was rude , should have used headphones if he actually noticed you come in or turned it down if it was loud ..........however if he saw a family arrive all on their gadgets too maybe he assumed you were just like him and you weren't bothered (you never let him know you were bothered ...right)

And I and any of my many Irish cousins, aunts etc would have had no problem asking him to plug in headphones.

NavyAndWhite · 17/06/2016 12:23

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NavyAndWhite · 17/06/2016 12:24

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MoonfaceAndSilky · 17/06/2016 12:27

He was rude - he should have been wearing earphones.
Your DC were rude - they shouldn't have devices at the table (even if they were checking answers from an exam ha, ha as if Grin

NavyAndWhite · 17/06/2016 12:31

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itsmine · 17/06/2016 12:32

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TFletchersWife · 17/06/2016 12:33

YABVU

You should concentrate on your childrens rudeness.

If this guy wanted to watch tv whist he eates then thats fine!

NavyAndWhite · 17/06/2016 12:34

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NavyAndWhite · 17/06/2016 12:38

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MurphysChild · 17/06/2016 12:49

YANBU. You were in a restaurant, it is acceptable behaviour to chat across the table in a restaurant. People going to restaurants expect other people to be talking to each other as background noise. The fact your DC were on their phones (checking their Snapchat stories rather than chatty to their mates I assume?) is irrelevant.

I would absolutely NOT want to be having dinner whilst some twat was watching the footie (even if it were England) on his phone with the volume turned up. He could have gone to any local pub and watched it on a 50 inch screen whilst he ate his scampi, chips and peas.

I detest football and would therefore avoid pubs when England were playing! IMO he should have avoided a restaurant without a TV screen if he wanted to watch TV!

Playduh · 17/06/2016 12:51

Think I may have an alternative contender for rudest OP. Although your experience is pretty shitty.

Yoga class - woman marched in, dropped mat in a position that meant about four people had to move. Not usually weird but in this case there was loads of space if she hadn't wanted to be slap bang in the middle of the room.

Not that rude I hear you cry? No, but then she essentially did her own routine and noisily walked out whilst everyone was relaxing at the end.

We thought it might have been some sort of PA protest Confused

coffeetasteslikeshit · 17/06/2016 12:59

Good question Navy, but I suspect you won't get an answer.

eitak22 · 17/06/2016 13:00

I don't think YABU, if he had put headphones in then no that wouldn't have been rude but without them it was. I often watch youtube etc when eating lunch alone.

I'd compare it to being on a bus and teenagers playing music on their phones, i don't want to hear their music, they havent asked and it's interupting my conversation or my music im listening to with headphones.

OliviaStabler · 17/06/2016 13:01

Yes he was rude. If he wants to listen to TV or music in public, he should use headphones.

LokisUnderpants · 17/06/2016 13:04

I think he was being rude yes.

However the posters focusing on your quiet kids who weren't disturbing anyone are being twatty.

trafalgargal · 17/06/2016 13:23

What about the ones of using on her Irishness ?

Toxicity · 17/06/2016 13:24

Navy, I too am waiting for someone to answer you!

MoonfaceAndSilky · 17/06/2016 13:46

I'll answer you.
It is rude to have phones/tablets etc at the table when you are having a meal with others. These were teenagers, not toddlers who have to be entertained. It is basic manners to converse with others at the table, is it not?
If you were out for dinner with someone and they suddenly got a book out and started reading instead of talking to you, you would think it rude wouldn't you? It is the same thing.

But the OP question was about the man watching tv very loudly and yes of course he was rude and OP should have complained about him.

morningtoncrescent62 · 17/06/2016 13:53

No you shouldn't have to go over. People should be brought up to know how to behave when eating out.

I agree with the second sentence, and I wish all parents would do that. However, given that not all parents do, let's look at the logic of your first sentence. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, let's assume that the man in the OP wasn't properly brought up and doesn't know how to behave when eating out. He reaches adulthood blissfully unaware that watching TV with the volume on is annoying to other diners. He goes to restaurant after restaurant doing this, and no-one ever says anything, so his belief that it's OK is reinforced. He rarely notices the glares and stares of his fellow diners (he's glued to a screen, remember) so he has no idea his behaviour is objectionable - if he does notice them, he thinks it's their problem. And so you get the normalisation of what almost everyone on this thread has agreed is rude behaviour. If, however, every time he did it, another diner or a member of staff alerted by another diner asked him to turn the volume off, he'd soon get the message.

I really can't understand what the problem is with asking someone to stop disturbing others. I do it all the time, and because it's unusual I do sometimes get a grumpy or astonished response, but mostly people comply. Only very rarely is someone rude or aggressive to me, in which case I go to a member of staff. Here's the most likely scenario had the OP said something:

OP: Would you mind either using headphones or turning the volume down?
Man (grumpily): OK, if you insist.

Job done. Any refusal, alert the staff. Or if anything in his body language or demeanour suggested aggression, go to the staff in the first place. Why is that so hard?

NavyAndWhite · 17/06/2016 13:54

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NavyAndWhite · 17/06/2016 13:55

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itsmine · 17/06/2016 14:15

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Toxicity · 17/06/2016 14:27

itsmine the difference, however is that the OP's children were not disturbing anyone. The guy watching TV was.

NavyAndWhite · 17/06/2016 14:37

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angelos02 · 17/06/2016 14:44

You shouldn't be able to hear someone else's conversations/headphones when you are out having a meal, on public transport etc. Sorry for stating the obvious.

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