To ask you to inspire me with you very-fat-and-just-turned-forty-and-then-I-had-a-lightbulb-moment-and-transformed-myself-from-an-ugly-duckling-into-a-beautiful-and-confident-princess. Or similar...

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I am so unbelievably disappointed with how fat and demotivated I have become. I feel utterly ashamed. My husband must be truly horrified. But I have very small children and just cannot find the time or energy to be bothered to do anything about it for more than a week or two. Please help with wise words and ideas to get me back on the straight and narrow.

I don't want to follow a seriously strict diet plan. I just want to get my head straight.

At the moment that really does seem impossible.

Thank you...in anticipation of your life changing wisdom.

Not 40, but I had that moment at 27. I was in a car crash that left me in serious pain for a year. That year made me realise how much of a privilege movement is, and I started taking care of myself in a way I never have before.

3 years later and I'm running half marathons, doing tough mudder and have such a nice group of friends I've met through the gym.

The weight loss has mostly been incidental. Healthy mindset = healthy body IMO. It wasn't until I had a healthier view of my body that I was able to change how I lived. It's not about the weight loss for me, it's about having respect and treating my body the way it deserves.

Ok- so what exercise do you like? I hate running so would never do C25k. However, I have been to a yoga class (almost) every week for 6 months. It's been a gradual change, but I'm a bit firmer and stronger now. I find the hour of head space invaluable.

Which clothes do you own and like? Find those which have a colour and shape to flatter- not hide. I have slimmed down my wardrobe and it's much more flattering . Still working on slimming down my thighs!

Get your brows done if you don't already.

I'm working on a similar program, it would be good to have company!

First off, I doubt it's as bad as you think. Secondly, it's unlikely (unless he's a complete bastard) your husband is horrified by you. Finally, it is hard and you do need support in order to make changes.

If it helps, I'm about to turn 40 and my lightbulb moment came when I was looking at holiday photos last October. I'd tried a few things, lost a bit of weight, but then put it all back on. Plus some .

I joined Slimming World in November. I was dreading the weekly weigh-in and the idea of sharing stuff in a 'touchy feely' group session made me feel sick but it's worked. The folk in my group are a really nice bunch of people, friendly, helpful and supportive, and the plan has really worked for me- I've lost 4 stones so I'm now lighter than I've been at any time since my early 20s.

I've loved it 'cos it's fitted into family meals without too much hassle and they have some fabulous recipes; DH loves it 'cos he still gets chips and steak, so not the usual diet food!

I get that it might not suit everyone, but it has for me - I just have to maintain it now! Hopefully that shows that it can be done and helps you to think that it's maybe not quite as impossible as it seems right now?

Yeah, tarts, that's what I think every night before I go to sleep and first thing in the morning. And then it all goes pear shaped....

And I just don't have time to throw myself into exercise the way I used to.

My wife was fat until into her 30's, then threw herself into exercise. She's now slim but toned and always turns heads when we're out together.

I see a lot of these "I feel desperately fat" threads ( feeling fat is different from actually being fat). A common theme is not wanting a terribly strict regime. Hhmm.... There's some cognitive dissonance going on here. As to lose weight & keep it off requires a pretty strict regime.
I would say if you have little 'uns give yourself a break, I've been there, & it's a difficult time where you are a distant second to their demands. Much as the other posters suggestions of starting a physical fitness regime is admirable,, pretty difficult to fit in with children's naps, feeds, playgroups, baths, etc. Your time starts to become your own when they are both in school. Be careful of habits like cleaning their plates, and work out a food regime that you can live with.
I lost loads on a VLCD but only after mine were in their teens. Good luck!

I had that moment when i realised dieting was a loser's game and now i know i'm fabulous (and still fat but that's ok with me.) Once I no longer cared about losing weight, i got more interested in moving for pleasure rather than a regime or trying to fit some unrealistic body type.

Hi OP.

My 'lightbulb' ish moment came last year, when I was caring for my dm who was very ill. First, seeing her so very ill made me aware of my own mortality, and also, the surgeon told us that had she not been in such good health (prior to sudden illness), she'd never have survived her surgery and subsequent treatments.

Then, I had a go, during some bored hours waiting in hospital again, on a weight machine and blood pressure/ heart rate monitor. The results were grim. Really not good. I felt despair, misery and wanted to go and buy a tonne of chocolate to eat. But I didn't.

During the intense hospital visiting period, I was not able to find the time to cook and eat at home, so bought practically all my meals from the hospital canteen and also the M and S food shop onsite. So for 3 weeks stright, I ate a completely calorie controlled diet. It was mainly salads/ sandwiches and fruit. Also crisps as treats and skinny lattes from costa. Sounds unhealthy perhaps, but it really wasn't. I never went above 1200 cals per day, and didn't eat much sugar. The downside was, it was expensive.

I also started walking more, got off the bus earlier etc. Started getting the stairs, not the lift automatically. I started logging into MFP- it was very motivating.

I lost over a stone in a month like this. Then when things got back to normal again, and mum came out of hospital, things started going wrong again. So I had to start really regulating portions again. That's been the hardest thing. I'm still losing weight, but more slowly now. It's hard trying to juggle life and cooking/shopping for the family.

Can you try MFP or counting calories like I did for a bit? I found it easier than I'd have thought possible to count calories, and it worked for me. But I do understand that it seems very off putting. Best of luck.

I got to 40, ended a 13 year marriage

Hit the gym and lost 4 stone. Just cut out crisps & chocolate, snacked on fruit. Never looked back. Feel great now

I had a lightbulb moment. So much crap in my life I can't control but weight isn't one of them. I was feeling so depressed and helpless and it focused to me that being fat wasn't happening to me, it was one of the few things I could control.

Got a fitbit and started challenges with a friend. I like walking! So I just did lots. Started eating 'healthy' which I also like. I didn't want to ruin all my exercise by eating rubbish. Finding a thing you like doing is important.

I am not fat which has basically meant that for the last 20 years I have been kidding myself I don't have to exercise. I am very unfit and flabby! My lightbulb moment was realising how hard I find it to run for the bus and even get down on the floor and stand back up. I need to do something and have started yoga.

I'm mid 40s and have been really miserable about how I look for a few years, gaining weight, unhappy with teeth, hair, feeling old and ugly. My low self esteem has affected me & my lifestyle badly. Despite all that I just couldn't get a grip and do anything st all. Young kids, demanding job with long hours and no time to exercise even if I wanted to, eating crap a real source of comfort. No lightbulb moment for me & no miracle story because I have only just started to make changes. Went to the dentist, got a good haircut, bought a few new clothes with more colour & shape it helps a lot. 3 weeks ago I just decided to stop munching rubbish. I'm not on any kind of diet plan I just have cut out the snacks, changed what I eat for breakfast & lunch and reduced my evening meal portion. i haven't lost loads (5lbs) but just the feeling of being in control has made me feel so much better already and for all my worry about feeling hungry and craving non stop I actually don't (much) and in fact feel energised!

I've always carried my weight on my thighs and bum, but when I was 39 (2 preschool DC) I was at my heaviest ever. Nothing looked nice on me. One of my friends did a diet and exercise program, 12wbt, (a 12 week program) and lost 8kg. She had been the same shape and size as me before kids and had managed it, so I decided I could too.

The program is a strict regime and actually was the only thing that worked for me. I just kept thinking, it's only 12 weeks, and that spurred me on. While it was strict, it gave you everything - a meal plan, a shopping list and an exercise plan. I found not having to think helped me so much. I just did what the program said.

After 12 weeks i'd lost 10kg. I did the program again and lost 6 more. Now, 4 years on, I'm 12kg below my starting weight, size 10 and able to maintain it by regulating snacks. I do cardio twice a week and Pilates too.

So not a swan but after being a size 14-16 my whole adult life, definitely feeling a million times better.

Penguin I have to agree with you. I am 41 and have decided to stop hating myself. I am not massive but if I lost a couple of stone my body would be more acceptable to society. However, my weight has remained stable for a couple of years now, I try hard to dress well to fit my shape, I have a busy active job which I love, and this is me, take it or leave it. Diets never work in the longterm because I feel deprived while being 'good' then put it all back on again!
OP have you actually asked your DH what he thinks of you? The only time my DH has complained about my body was the brief period in my life when I was a size 8-10. He loves me the way I am, and the same goes for my feelings towards him (and his pot belly)
A bit of self acceptance is hard to achieve but works wonders.
Sorry probably not the answer you're looking for but definitely my lightbulb moment.

Also, I was on a health diet earlier this year, as I had an overgrowth of candida bacteria after being on antibiotics, I was told about apple cider vinegar as a way to stop sugar and carb cravings (I gave up sugar and refined carbs for two months to get rid of it). It worked and I am still taking it. Look up Bragg's apple cider vinegar, about £8, a bottle will last weeks, buy this brand as it has beneficial enzymes in it. I am back on a relatively normal diet again, but I don't want puddings anymore, it is weird. If you crave carbs and sugar constantly you might want to check out "candida overgrowth" yourself, I think it is more common than people think. If you have bad skin and hair, and suffer from anxiety, and have gut pain, extreme fatigue, weight gain, and a whole host of other symptoms, could be this rather than just a busy life.

My DH takes it now too, his acid reflux is gone and he lost weight. It could be that you are gaining weight because your gut needs some help, and this is really easy to sort with ACV and a good probiotic. You won't have to lift a finger!

Good luck mate. Don't be down on yourself, kay?