To worry that my kids are struggling emotionally

[FoofooLeSnoo]

Long story really but Dh and I have been having relationship issues largely related to his bipolar 2 and my slightly depressed state. We try to hide the arguments but have probably failed to protect them from all the emotional trauma. There is no violence but lots of seething resentment from both of us at times.
The DC are 8 and 4, and both very highly strung. The 8 year old tantrums still over silly things like clothing choices or homework. The youngest has spent the last ,,30 mins sobbing as he's struggling at school ( reception) He's finding it hard to make friends and is getting told off a fair bit, although the teachers always tell me he's doing fine when I ask.
Im a bit frazzled with it all and feel like my emotional reserves are running too low for me to deal with all this. Should I contact family liaison at the school or health visitor? The guilt I feel is hard to cope with sometimes. I'm about to start counselling and we are going to relate soon too. Any advice?

8 year old has been up and down stairs with yet another phantom pain. This happens several times a week too. I think I've been so caught up in worrying about how rubbish I feel I've neglected the dcs emotional states.
I should probably move this to relationships or something. How do I get a thread moved?

Of course your kids will be picking up on the moods in the house. What is your Dh's attitute to his self-management? Is he able to realise that his mental state affects the dcs? or are you having to work so hard to deal with his moods and actions that there's nothing left for the kids? Definitely talk to his CPN. Yes, it's helpful if family liaison at school know too. Do you have family around? Any chance of the kids having some nice calm grandparent /aunt and uncle time?

Sorry to hear you're feeling so stressed about this, but you are already taking steps to sort it. As you say, your emotional state is amplifying everything at the moment. I'm sure the counselling will help you and in turn the children. Might be worth making contact with the school to gauge their behaviour there. I hope things improve for you soon

If your children have no good support from a Family member, then you should be speaking to the school.

They need an ear that is focused just on them and their needs.

My DC are a similar age to yours and can be incredibly emotional at times. What you describe is not uncommon in our house. So maybe what they are going through is not all your responsibility.

I think as parents we have to try and teach children to come to understand their emotions and how to manage them. At 8 and 4 they are still experiencing new emotions every day.

Try not to be hard on yourself. The guilt you feel may well be a manifestation of your feelings about yourself. By all means get support on how to help your DC, but blaming yourself will do them, or you, no good. Be kind to yourself

Thanks to all the people who responded to my post, I was not able to post until today! Yesterday I spoke to one of the teaching assistants about my son being unhappy. This morning I got pulled to the side this morning by my ds' reception teacher, and she told me that he really is fine at school, making friends and playing well. I admitted to her that there have been some tensions at home. She was sympathetic and asked if there was anything they could do ie family liaison. I made a tit out of myself and started to well up saying I was going to the drs this morning. I wish I hadn't said it now as I don't want to be seen as a mum who's not coping. I know im going to be kept an eye on now!
I saw a Gp who has started me on citalopram which I hope is a good idea.
I'm going to try to spend time reading with the kids when they get home as I feel like I've really neglected them lately.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing in getting help from your gp

Well done you've done the right thing yes the school will watch more closely now but that's not a bad thing them knowing what's happening will be helpful in the unlikely event of children behaving out of character at school - do they attend after school sports clubs at all trying to structure their evenings as much as possible will help. It's easy to beat ourselves up as parents but it sounds like you're doing a great job!

I'm doing my best but I do still feel guilty all the time. I wonder whether some of this is due to my low mood though. I had such a lovely childhood and I would hate to not be able to do the same for mine. I guess we all muddle through.