about group presents?

[popmimiboo]

Birthday party/ presents hoo-ha:
Mum A has 10 year old boy/ girl twins. DD is v good friends with the girl and fairly good friends with the boy. They usually have a joint party and DD has always taken gifts for both. Fairly standard I think.

Anyway, this year Mum A decided to throw a surprise party for the twins (a couple of months after their birthday as they hadn't got round to celebrating with friends for some reason.) She sent a text to the invitees parents explaining it was top secret.

I replied that it was a fab idea, DD would be there and I'd keep schtum! I didn't tell DD and planned on telling her on the Saturday morning as she wouldn't have the opportunity to let it slip!

Next thing, 2 school gate mums, (Mums B and C) sent a text out asking that all the invitees give a donation to Mum C to buy a group present as "the children are getting older and would prefer one big present to several little ones."

Ok, I would have preferred to take DD out shopping to chose her own gifts but, not wanting her to be left out, I duly handed over the cash. Mum C's child then decided to talk about the surprise party at school so DD found out, spoiling her surprise and, she suspects, Mum A's DD.

Finally, no text or message about the "big gift" and DD came home perplexed as Mum C's DD had basically just gone out and bought a load of presents -felt tips, note books, sweets... Not even a joint card, signed by everyone.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off? There were 20 invitees and I gave £20 and expect the others gave similar amounts.

That's a good text OP. Perfectly reasonable and non confrontational. Let us know what she replies!

Clutching at straws.....they might have been given a voucher card or something? Can you ask mum A about it so you know exactly what was given?

Was thinking same as pp, maybe a voucher was put in the card or given separately to the mum and these were just wee things to open?

Id be asking how much was collected too!

Place marking as I'm intrigued. Unless they were jewel encrusted felt tip pens you have been had.

I would be highly suspicious too.
I never chip in unless I know exactly what is being bought and how much each person is giving. It's too easy to rip people off.

I know some extremely cheap gits who expect decent gifts for their children but will pay just 50p when it comes round to your kids birthday.

Place marking as I hope this is a misunderstanding. Surely, they wouldn't rip kids off like that?

Wouldn't be easier to just ask mum A what the group present was and if she even knows it was a group present since the card wasn't signed by all the kids? Best case scenario it was a very badly organised thing,worst case...she ripped you off.

How weird!!

Rebel -I really didn't want to bring mum A into this in case she ends up feeling bad about anything.

She did, about half an hour after the end of the party, send us all a photo of all the DC and a text saying thanks for the gifts, so there's obviously no hard feelings.

Still no reply from mum B though so I might just send a little text back to mum A to say that DD had a great time and, at the same time, a discreet inquiry re. "group" gifts!

I would deffo mention to mum a and ask about gifts n such and saying u just wanted to make sure the kids got nice gifts as nobody has mentioned x

Very out of order there's no way the gifts could've been anything amazing or the thank you would've been more OTT , people can be revolting

Depending on your mood maybe put down to experience ?

Mum B just got back to me with this picture of the gifts. (Think I've attached photo?!)
On the plus side, it looks like good quality drawing stuff, not Poundland crap.

I'm not impressed as we were asked to contribute to one big gift rather than the birthday children receiving lots of smaller ones but this just seems to be lots of smaller ones selected by one child. No explanation as to whether these were for both twins or (hopefully) just girl twin.

Nevermind, you live and learn! I won't be handing over cash without a definite plan in future.

Assuming 20 people gave £20 that means they got around £400 in cash. That photo does not look like £400 or even £200 worth of swag!

Hmmmm, I'd be suspicious.......

Those are some pretty pricey "felt tips" and "crayons". I would have been over the moon with those as a child. And still now, tbf.

The promarkers were probably around £30, the Faber Castell watercolours set, ~£100 or more.

Why wouldn't you ask what the planned gift was before handing over money?!

The Faber Castel box is colouring pencils not water colours. (Still nice quality pencils though.)
Thing is, DD saw these gifts as "felt tips and note pads" and chances are the recipients did too. Neither twin are known to be particularly arty -they're much more sporty/ techy kids (-I've known them since they were 5.) I doubt they asked for these.

Yes, I know it was silly to hand over cash like that but I was busy, mum B was insistent that all the other invitees agreed and I didn't want DD to be the only one not involved. I did ask but was told they hadn't decided and I didn't push it.

Anyway, on reflexion, definitely my fault for not asking first and not their fault I'm not fussed on their choice. They are still a little bit U for not consulting or communicating with us and maybe some other parents were a bit ungenerous in their donations?