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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT understand why a non Muslim would observe Ramadan?

61 replies

Crunchymum · 14/06/2016 15:40

Just that really.

I have a colleague who does every year (husband is Muslim but she is not)

It makes her miserable and she asks me not to eat lunch at my desk I am on reduced hours and only get a short lunch break so bring my own food in and normally eat at my desk

Even if she wasn't so miserable I still don't get it??

OP posts:
Melonrunner · 14/06/2016 16:20

It's probably so her husband has some support. Like if your husband is giving up alcohol for example, you may to to give him support.

libellule1 · 14/06/2016 16:20

My husband has been asked to put away his bottle of water by someone fasting. I think blatantly mocking someone fasting by eating in front of them on purpose is clearly rude, but to change your normal routine or habits so they don't have to see it is unreasonable.

Because her husband is observing I can see why she is participating (with the late night feasting etc) but surprised she isn't relaxing it a little while at work.

pinkladyapple · 14/06/2016 16:21

She probably felt very embarrassed to make that request, and maybe she regrets it herself.

I would say while you sympathise, it is her choice to fast and you want to eat there. No need to be anything other than diplomatic.

dolkapots · 14/06/2016 16:24

Just to add that in Ramadan in a muslim country we were never asked not to eat in front of people fasting. Out of respect (in the workplace) we would try to eat in another room and they thought it was very sweet but said it really wasn't necessary.

milkyface · 14/06/2016 16:25

*stop working at shit places then

i have never worked at an office./ inside a building that didnt have somewhere to chill for a few minutes.*

Shit places?

Just because an office doesn't have a canteen doesn't mean it's a 'shit place'

Even places with canteens - if you have a busy or high pressure job you either don't get chance, or prefer not to leave your desk

And if you're like me you graze all day and don't generally go out to eat on your lunch break.

Op - let her do as she pleases but just politely tell her you will continue to eat at your desk.

RiverTam · 14/06/2016 16:27

I've worked for some huge not shit companies in my industry and not had canteens or staff rooms. I did when I was working in shitty retail though.

TooMuchMNTime · 14/06/2016 16:28

Stop working at shit places!! Must be nice in la la land.

niminypiminy · 14/06/2016 16:28

Does she ask you every day not to eat at your desk? Or does she ask you once every year not to eat at your desk? In other words, how big a problem is this?

Can you reply along the lines of 'I can see that this is hard for you, but I don't really have any alternative.' And then maybe you could ask her what she values about sharing the fast?

Things often get better if you have a conversation about it rather than bottling up resentment.

Pinkheart5915 · 14/06/2016 16:31

She probably does it as she wishes to support her DH which I think is lovely.

Maybe a little rude to ask you to eat else where, but if you don't have a staff room or similar ? Then I'd politely reply with I'm sorry but there is nowhere else to eat

flightywoman · 14/06/2016 16:31

Choosing to have your lunch at lunch time ahouldn't be a problem, unless you're actually waving your sandwich in their face saying "mmmm, yummy sandwich, you can't have any, because you're FASTING". Are you doing that OP?!

What anyone chooses to do, for any reason, is entirely up to them, but I really don't see why one choice trumps another just because it's for a faith-based reason. Observe or don't, eat lunch or don't, but don't try and force your belief on me either way.

FantasticButtocks · 14/06/2016 16:37

She's being a martyr and making herself miserable. So she needs to pass the misery on...totally unreasonable of her.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 14/06/2016 16:37

her request is unreasonable, she could go for a walk

but you are unreasonable to judge her from doing it (if she wasn't being an arse and went for a walk or something at lunch)

Non christians go on christian pilgrimages all the time, and observe lent.

Buckinbronco · 14/06/2016 16:39

I don't work at shit places. Everywhere I work has somewhere to eat. My current place has a v posh corporate dining room with a chef. But i am BUSY and often get it to eat at my desk or grab a sandwich to eat there. Normal normal normal

ExitPursuedByBear · 14/06/2016 16:39

Lunchtime is for sitting at your desk browsing t'internet isn't it?

Just say "Sorry that doesn't work for me".

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 14/06/2016 16:39

Surely the discipline involved in fasting would be greater if she has to resist the temptation of your lunch, so the reward would be greater.
Except there isn't really a reward if you're not actually a believer!

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 14/06/2016 16:46

Why is everyone so pissed off at this colleague for asking? She can ask. If the poster doesn't want to do it (she's obviously not obliged to) she can say say so. It's called a conversation.

Perhaps the request isn't unreasonable, for example if there's a canteen, or it isn't usual for employees to eat at their desks; we don't know. Personally I wouldn't expect to be told to fuck off by a colleague for asking the question, even if it were an impertinent request; I would consider that an extremely unreasonable response!

KayTee87 · 14/06/2016 16:46

I think she's just supporting her husband. How many people celebrate Christmas, Easter, give up something for lent that aren't Christian?
She's unreasonable to tell you where to eat though.

paxillin · 14/06/2016 16:50

Well, she probably wants to support her husband. Tell her she can have lunch at work, you won't tell.

milkyface · 14/06/2016 16:50

eatsleep op has said her colleague usually eat at her desk too...

MrsDeVere · 14/06/2016 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject · 14/06/2016 16:51

in Islamic countries you don't eat or drink in public during Ramadan.

The OP has not mentioned that she is in such a country.

religious choice is very important. As is the choice NOT to be religious.

fasting does make people miserable and short tempered. And also stuffs up concentration which is why the already diabolical middle east car death rate goes up further in Ramadan.

Backingvocals · 14/06/2016 16:54

No that's not a conversation. A conversation is:

"Hi, how was your weekend?"
"Fine thanks, how was yours".

Not
"Don't eat near me" or even "Please would you not eat near me".

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 14/06/2016 17:02

YABU to pass comment on her fasting. YANBU re: lunch. I eat at my desk because I don't always have time for a break. If anyone thinks I'm staying even later than I do because they don't want to see me eating at my desk, they can feck right off.

MLGs · 14/06/2016 17:52

She's not being unreasonable to fast if she wants, even if she didn't have a Muslim husband.

But she cant dictate to you that you can't eat at your desk - the reality in many jobs nowadays is that you have to work and eat when you would prefer to be having lunch in peace.

Makes me think she's maybe not wholly on board with doing the fast she had decided to do. But not up to you to discuss it with her as would be rude.

rockabella · 14/06/2016 17:53

My DP made an attempt at fastimg during Ramandan last year, neither of us are Muslim but a Muslim friend was talking to DP about it and how the benefits arent just for those who share his religion. That its spiritual meaning could apply to anyone but so you are being unreasonable but YANBU to be annoyed at being asked not to eat. Its not her business if you do not fast.