To ask how do you get this elusive self esteem thing?

[Justmeagain78]

Am starting to think I'll never have have it. I read countless articles about it but however hard I try I always see myself as overweight, ugly and useless at most things!

Removing people from your life who make you feel bad about yourself.

Doing things just for you.

Doing some exercise - helps mentally and body image.

Doing something you can et a sense of achievement from - completing a language course, making something crafty, decorating a room, cooking a nice dinner.

I sometimes wonder if I've good self esteem because my parents were so obviously proud of my sister and I and we felt loved and supported but also had good boundaries and training in manners so knew how to do things (and therefore never had our confidence about anything shaken). But then my sis doesn't have as strong self belief and esteem as I do so I guess it's a personality trait. If you don't naturally tend towards good self esteem I would say to just consider that you are no more or less important than anyone, David Cameron and Beyoncé included. We will all be gone in a heartbeat from this world so live well and never apologise for your existence. It's ok for people to have different views, actions, lives, it's not a competition and you don't have to be or feel the same as anyone. You are a critical person to many people, regardless of how they now treat you, you are still the centre of their world. If the relationship is negative then that's about them. In general other people being unkind or negative to you is about them not you. Just listen and move on.

branofthemist
And agree with lowering the expectations I set myself. Stopped thinking everything should be perfect.

Very much agree with this. Accepting things go wrong and aren't perfect is helpful, as is letting things go/drawing a line/not berating yourself for things that were outside of your control or that you wish you'd handled differently. I think being flexible is important - people who are very fixed in their expectations and want one particular outcome are always going to face more disappointment than those who are accepting of a variety of different outcomes, and who adjust their expectations when circumstances change.

I think it's healthy and empowering to periodically take on challenges/get out of your comfort zone - helps you appreciate your capabilities (and that they are often greater than you think); makes you feel good about yourself; puts other events into perspective.

branofthemist
And agree with lowering the expectations I set myself. Stopped thinking everything should be perfect.

Very much agree with this. Accepting things go wrong and aren't perfect is helpful, as is letting things go/drawing a line/not berating yourself for things that were outside of your control or that you wish you'd handled differently. I think being flexible is important - people who are very fixed in their expectations and want one particular outcome are always going to face more disappointment than those who are accepting of a variety of different outcomes, and who adjust their expectations when circumstances change.

I think it's healthy and empowering to periodically take on challenges/get out of your comfort zone - helps you appreciate your capabilities (and that they are often greater than you think); makes you feel good about yourself; puts other events into perspective.