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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to do this for our wedding seating plan?

53 replies

coralpig · 13/06/2016 19:31

Starting the special hell that is wedding seating plans. Fiancé and I are from radically different cultures. All heard speak English (just about) but some far better than others.

I have two options

A) seat people only with those that they know or are similar to in terms of background and culture.

B) do some gentle mixing- people with similar personalities but from different backgrounds who may well get on but don't know each other.

My initial thought was to go for A but my fiancé pointed out that would essentially mean racially segregating the room. He thinks we should go for B.

What would you prefer as a wedding guest?

OP posts:
Ilovetorrentialrain · 13/06/2016 20:19

Most definitely B. It's only the meal, there are loads of other opportunities during the day / eve for people who know each other to chat.

SparklesandBangs · 13/06/2016 20:20

Both A & B are hit and miss in my experience

One wedding when I had an absolutely fun time, we were as B, it was child free and my IL family, I went without DH as he was not available so I was 'paired' with BIL and placed on at table with the cousins, some of who had also left spouses behind. We drank a lot and had no difficulty making conversations.

My pet hate with A especially at a family wedding is being sat exclusively with my siblings or parents (or ILs) as I can see them all the time, I want to mingle.

Not sure this is of any help!

cowbag1 · 13/06/2016 20:24

I hate forced mixing at weddings, I'm not there to make new friends, I want to catch up with people! And you'll find people getting up and going to chat with people they know at the soonest opportunity

Grumpysfirstwife · 13/06/2016 20:25

I would have gone with B although at my wedding I caught my grandmother moving all the guests names around tables anyway. Hmm
If I did it again I wouldn't have bothered with seating plans and just said find a seat wherever you fancy. I'm a people watcher anyway so this would have been very interesting to see had I left them to their own devices.

fiorentina · 13/06/2016 20:26

I'd go for A. Whilst it can be great to meet new people I love to catch up with friends I don't see often. The worst wedding was being sat with the brides parents friends who were awfully dull and assorted relatives who didn't want to be there!

Abraiid1 · 13/06/2016 20:26

Just don't sit spouses or partners next to one another. On the same table, but not next door. I would do as suggested above, tables of eight, made up of two pairs from each culture. As long as language isn't an issue.

Marmitelover55 · 13/06/2016 20:27

C. Which is have a buffet and let everyone sit where they want. I think it worked quite well at our wedding Smile

Trills · 13/06/2016 20:31

A - Weddings are often a good chance to catch up with friends or family that I haven't seen recently.

No matter how much fun "my friend's husband's cousin" might be, I'd rather sit with "my friend who lives the other side of the country who I don't get to see very often".

Bubbinsmakesthree · 13/06/2016 20:32

No one has mentioned the fact that the different racial backgrounds will make segregation look obvious. I think it would look strange for there to be an obvious divide in this way.

But then I speak as someone who enjoys meeting new people at weddings!

BarbaraofSeville · 13/06/2016 20:32

I have been to a wedding where the brides family were white British and the grooms family of West Indian heritage ranging from some that were born and brought up here, some that have lived here for decades and quite a few that still live in the West indies and came over here for the wedding. DP and I were part of the brides family and it was an option b seating plan. We all had a great time. I'd say option b is the way to go, for us it was a great success.

AristotleTheGreat · 13/06/2016 20:33

I really don't like the idea of mixing people who are single or don't know anyone. It mean a table with people who are likely to have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. Not fun.

Putting family together is another one. I much prefer to spend time with the people I DONT see often!

But I do take the point of your DF. If you by plan A, you will end up with a nice segregation (Is there a visible difference in race too?) that could make it awkward. It's like saying that the XX can't mix with the YY

Being in a relationships like this, much better to mix people up, being sure that you never have a lonely person that reall doesn't speak English on their own. Keep the people who really don't speak together. Keep the people who aren't ready to make an effort for people who don't speak well together. Mix all the others.
Oh and have a look at what people normally do in your fiancé country too.

Clarabell33 · 13/06/2016 20:34

We did A as every wedding we've been to where they did A, it was a brilliant laugh, but the B weddings we've attended were a bit strained until either the ice finally broke under the weight of lots of wine or the meal ended and we wandered off to find people we knew. We tend to travel quite a way for weddings as friends are far away, so it's more a chance to catch up than meet new people. That said... as PPs have suggested, a mix could be good (e.g. tables of 4 couples with 2 from each side) as long as you think about complementary personalities and who gets on and who doesn't.

Tumtitum · 13/06/2016 20:39

Bit of both. Sit people with some other people they know but each table half and half. Eg I'm English and married an Irish man so each table, or near enough, was half English half Irish and everyone knew at least a couple of people on the table. We also tried to sit people together who had similar interests and we thought might get on. We had a brilliant wedding Grin

Original poster
coralpig · 13/06/2016 20:45

c isn't an option im afraid. It's not a buffet.

And yes there's a clear racial different- would basically be white and brown tables if we went for A... A happy medium is a nice idea with groups of couples.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 13/06/2016 20:46

I vote for A, as I said to Dh2b when he tried to seat my single friend with some of his single friends, people have paid money and given up their spare time to come to the wedding, so the least we can do is let them catch up with their friends, rather than trying some weird social experiment to see how they get on with new people.

I don't think people will notice that the room is racially segregated - and if they do, well it's not being done in any ill intentioned way so I can't see what the issue is.

DinosaursRoar · 13/06/2016 21:03

B, but try to make sure everyone has someone on the table they know. It does stop you getting to the evening do and there being clear devides in the room, people have already chatted in the meal.

I would also suggest you nominiate someone from each table to "host" it - call them before hand and say "would you might just looking after everyone at the table? DP's Aunty might need including in conversation." - usually when you ask a few people to do this, rather than just chatting to the people they know, they do make an effort to get everyone chatting. Games on the table getting someone to run a book on the speech lengths also gets everyone talking.

jaffajiffy · 13/06/2016 21:42

I hate b! Definitely A. If people want to get to know other people they can do so at drinks before/after the sit down.

Abraiid1 · 13/06/2016 21:43

Games might be a good idea!

BarbaraofSeville · 13/06/2016 21:55

YY dinosaurs. I can't remember the details but at the wedding I described above there was some way of making sure everyone knew how everyone knew the bride or groom and a few little ice breakers. For example the grooms overseas family told little stories about when the groom visited them in the West indies when he was a boy.

Celticlassie · 13/06/2016 21:58

I did half and half, with four or 5 from each side on each table. V small wedding though.

dowhatnow · 13/06/2016 22:01

We did A at ours.

Bromeliad · 13/06/2016 22:02

I like the idea of the mix, but frankly anything is better than no plan at all! At my Uncle's wedding his father, siblings & their families were late to the meal, as my Aunt had performed the ceremony & everyone was helping her lock up the church.

When we got to the venue all of the couples' friends had arranged themselves into groups on each table so all the tables had random seats not being used. The venue had to bring us a whole new table out that was hidden in a weird corner and right in the path of the servers. So we couldn't hear the speeches, or get anywhere near the happy couple. I would have quite happily gone along with not having a plan at one point, it's a massive pain to organise, but I'm definitely having one now.

DinosaursRoar · 13/06/2016 22:38

Oh I went to a wedding where there was a 'who's who' on each table - basically a little booklet with a page for each table, with each person's name and one or two lines about them like "Sue - former housemate of the Bride and once on University Challenge" and "Bob - groom's cousin and mountain biker who knows every step in Riverdance" - everyone wanted to know what was their entry, got people talking.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 13/06/2016 23:36

Surely part of the symbolism of a wedding is the coming together of two families/sets of friends to celebrate a union? If you don't mix people up a bit at the dinner that doesn't exactly convey that message. That is particularly important when there is a visible difference between the bride's and groom's families.

Weddings ultimately aren't laid on so everyone can have some decent food and a natter with old mates, nice as that is. It might well be easier on everyone to be sat with people they already know, but if both sides of the family/friends aren't going to meet and mingle at the wedding, when is it going to happen? It is about the easiest possible situation to talk to people - you are all have something in common and can chat about how you know the B&G to break the ice.

I think the best thing is to have a good proportion of the tables gently mixed and keep people who you think would really struggle on tables which aren't mixed.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 14/06/2016 01:31

Depends who the A is. If it is Uncle Dickhead and his boring drip of a wife or the racist alcoholic in laws, I'd take my chances with B. Just because I know them doesn't mean I like them. At least with B you have the element of uncertainty and the fun of working out if they're arseholes or not.