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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not play along

40 replies

travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:06

Visiting my parents. I am thirty. They are significantly older.

My mother likes to play this game where she ignores my father and every ten minutes says to me 'now...if your father was alive...'

They are both old and a bit mad.

AIBU?

OP posts:
OldGuard · 11/06/2016 20:09

Every family is a bit weird

MsVestibule · 11/06/2016 20:10

I think it sounds quite funny! How does your dad react!

Teresalosingtheirleaves · 11/06/2016 20:12

Depends entirely on your dads reaction.

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:17

He is ignoring it. They had a row earlier, re: a new freezer she thinks they need, he thinks they can't afford.

OP posts:
Elllicam · 11/06/2016 20:18

Is it jokey? Could you turn up with a sympathy card and a wreath and pretend with your dad your mum is dead? If it's not a joke I'm not really sure what to suggest :)

Elllicam · 11/06/2016 20:18

Sorry cross post. That's a bit more tricky

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:20

They have these terrible rows and then he goes to bed until evening.

Apparently this is her new way of coping.

Great.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 11/06/2016 20:22

I would definitely be inclined to ignore that!

Their relationship issues are not your problem and playing along could well encourage your mum to involve you further. Tricky situation though.

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:22

Oh, I should add. I love them so bloody much, but they drive me nuts.

OP posts:
HairySubject · 11/06/2016 20:23

Nope I definitely wouldn't play along with that.

HiddenMeaning · 11/06/2016 20:31

Mmm, what were you like as a kid? . I'm sure my parents are on some sort of mission to get their own back on me and my siblings for being naughty when we were little kids. I love my parents but they've started misbehaving They bicker, forget their manners and want to do what they want to do NOW!

They are much better when they are on their own but when they are together it's toddler time 😂😂😂

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:35

Hidden

Oh my God, yes, they are like toddlers aren't they? Apparently I didn't sleep through for years (not until after two)

Could this be revenge? My mother seems very into it, and my father appears indifferent at the moment. My sister is not replying to my message, though she has 'seen' it.

OP posts:
Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:38

I am slightly concerned about them.

I am also drinking red wine and thinking of making an escape to the spare room, which is at the moment alloted to me.

OP posts:
KissMyArse · 11/06/2016 20:38

Sorry but I think that's bloody funny (though I don't have to live with it).

Not much use I know Blush

CalleighDoodle · 11/06/2016 20:41

When my mum acts like a nasty cow i call her on it.

MrsDeVere · 11/06/2016 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 11/06/2016 20:45

Jesus, that is really weird! What'll happen if you don't play along? Will she get even weirder or just start behaving herself?!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 11/06/2016 20:46

Oh dear it sounds like a terrible atmosphere and you're almost expected to take sides. Red wine will help with the overall tension. Can you try to get your parents to drink some and then start reminiscing about a family holiday when you were young to jolly things up a bit? Put some music on? Invite the neighbours over?
Good luck.

YorkieDorkie · 11/06/2016 20:47

Yeah that's a bit twisted! Sounds like their relationship is a bit sour to be honest so no, I'd definitely not entertain it by playing along.

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:48

My father is watching the football and acting like he can't hear. He can hear.

I ask him questions every now and then - 'so, Who's winning?'

They have had wine with dinner. I propose more wine.

Or I might go to bed.

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 11/06/2016 20:52

That is admirable passive-aggressiveness!

Grin

It's funny from the outside, but it does make me wonder about how functional their conflict resolution skills are when it comes to the crunch….
Do they get on most of the time?
Have they been married for 200 years and got stuck in a sniping rut?

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:54

The neighbour has come round to watch football.

They are behaving now.

Who was it who said that comedy was tragedy through the wrong end of the telescope? I need to write about my family sometime.

OP posts:
Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 11/06/2016 20:55

Pacific

They've been married fifty one years. I don't think I get them yet.

OP posts:
HeartsofOak · 11/06/2016 21:00

You might be taking it far too seriously OP.

It sounds hilarious and if I were you I'd laugh and tell them to grow up.

Waterlemon · 11/06/2016 21:08

My parents have no social lives of their own. Neither have ever been very good socially from what I can work out. DF has said he never felt like he "fitted in" anywhere, some asd traits. dM was bullied at school and spent most of her childhood palmed off on her grandparents.

Now that they have retired (both early due to poor health) They also spend most of their time bickering then sulking. However they would be totally lost with out each other. The rare time that either of them go anywhere alone, they are constantly phoning or messaging each other to check they're ok!

My mum trears my dad like Mrs brown treats the grandfather sat in his chair in the corner - so you're not alone with eccentric parents!