Feel like I am being singled out via mediation with neighbour

[MrsJohannaburges]

I have had an issue with my neighbour for the last 6 months which is when I moved in. His issue is me walking, my 12 year old walking, my cat walking and us living here.
I did first refuse mediation with him based on - I thought he was being unreasonable however I did agree to it a month ago and I just came back from the meeting (he wasn't present it was separate mediation)
He has said:

• we walk to loud can we stop walking around so much
• we slam the front door
• can we stop letting our cat play or get rid of it
• can we turn down the volume on the tv
• can you not play music
• can you not listen to the radio in the bathroom

• We walk around in slippers and have carpet and underlay which is not required by the way.
• I have a yale lock and no handle on my door, when i leave all i can do is pull the door via the yale lock, it will always make a sound its impossible not to.
• I had permission I could have a cat, my cat is 6 she does play sometimes but in my living room on carpet
• we listen to the TV at 10 volume
• my daughter plays music sometimes on her phone only we don't own a sound system
• again i play the radio in the bathroom which is on my phone, i actually don't like not listening to something when in the bath.

The mediation lady said as the gentleman is elderly then he will be more annoyed by noise so I should comply to the terms as to not stress him out.

How exactly is this fair? So i must literally tip toe around and pretend like I don't live here just to please him?
AIBU?

This man makes grunting noises constantly throughout the night and hums he also slams his back door or cupboard doors every time me or my daughter are in the kitchen. He is not innocent, I am not purposely trying to annoy him, he purposely tries to annoy me.

Is this how mediation should be? I have never done it before but I had a feeling he would make up or suggest unreasonable things which is why I refused to do it in the first place.

Personally I would put together a written response to the mediator summing up a number of the comments on this thread and cc the housing association. She has been incredibly unprofessional and it would be good for the housing association to get your side.

Just a thought and no idea what you might do with it but my Grandad in his late eighties was convinced that his neighbours were very noisy. Turned out he had tinnitus and could 'hear' music etc...

My grandmother is like this. She spends the day looking out of the window. The kids in the street make too much noise, the postman is heavy footed, the cars in the road are too loud. I think it's a lot to do with boredom.

So watching tv at normal volume and he is banging on the wall at me, has done so 3 times now. I have ignored it though.

Joy, being honest I have no interest in speaking with him. I said to the mediator that I don't want communication with him. When I first moved in I was literally sneaking around because everything I did he would knock on my door to complain about it. When my daughter was home and answered the door and he was threatening to her that is when I blew my lid and told the Housing Association he is not to bother me.

Who lived in the flat before you? Did he think they made less noise than you?

Another woman with children and he also complained to me about her on the first day I moved in.

Write to the ha saying the mediator said x,y and Z. She was clearly biased and as you haven't yet learnt to levitate you can't do anything more than you are (list what you are doing) to not disturb him. That you are already quiet and watching TV on a low volume. That unless noise recording equipment picks up u r too loud then you consider the continued complaints are harassment by him, and that as he clearly has a problem with anyone living in that flat you suggest they move him to a bungalow or move you (all expenses paid) to another property.

KleineDracheKokosnuss suggestion of a letter to the HA and mediator is a good one, I would also include in the letter the fact that the monitors installed in his home twice have failed to pick up anything to suggest you are a noisy and inconsiderate neighbour, that he has previously complained about a noisy tenant, stressing you are trying to find a resolution but that his actions constitute harassment

good luck, it sounds a truly horrible way to have to live

1. Surely the mediator should be an impartial person, who listens to both sides, then moves towards a compromise. This didn't happen in your case.

1. If he is complaining about normal walking about the flat, not dancing to glam-rock in platform heels at midnight, and watching the television on low, then maybe the construction of the building is sub-standard with regards to both airborne noise and impact-noise transmission, and the HA needs to address this, or provide you, your child and the cat with hover boards!

1. If he has a history of petty complaints, then maybe it suggests the problem is on his side, with his ex-realistic expectations of silence, then with you.

Oh and, if he had the radio or telly on low in his flat, he would not be able to hear you going about you and your in your flat, as it would mask low level noise from you.

I'd write to the HA and copy him in saying that your noise levels are in fact extremely reasonable, that despite repeated attempts to monitor them by your neighbour no breach has been found and that therefore you can only conclude the sound insulation in his property is inadequate. This is the HA's issue not yours, and so as such you will leave them to deal with your neighbour directly. Any further correspondence or interference will be construed as harassment and you will take appropriate action.