To think if your child is too ill to go to school

[littlethingsthatbug]

...that they are too ill to be taken out and treated?

Three mums at school have had warnings about attendance and unauthorised absence where they haven't contacted the school. They have had a go at the school commenting on the attendance because at the end of the day children get ill and if its sickness or diarrhoea they have to have off 48 hours at least and it's usually the school that says don't go in.

But all 3 have posted on social media and/or have been seen out with the children when they are supposed to be off ill either treating them in town, buying them toys and taking them down the local park to play or to play football.

When asked my opinion our children overall have good attendance (I know we have been lucky) but DD has had a lot of medical appointments but I have always told them in advance, taken her back to school or pulled her out and then took her straight back.
I know children get ill and some more so than others but when I was ill I would never leave the house. If I was off it had to be serious and my mum didn't want to be seen out with a child off ill in case I looked fine to everyone else (Ofc if she was desperate she had to but it was there and back and I didn't get anything from the trip) . I'm sure it prevented me pulling a fast one saying I'm ill when I'm not because I was bored to death I wasn't even allowed to play indoors if I was too ill to go I was too ill to play. Which is what I do with my children just not to the extreme my mother did.

I got long drawn out silences and one of them I am close friends with has removed the pictures she posted of her son beaming with joy at his new toy in town and the other photos of him out when off ill. I talked to her about it, I really feel like her son half the time is just saying it to get out of going as he gets to do all these nice things when he's off sick. She's thought a few times perhaps he could have gone as later seemed fine.

Friends son because he's had so much time off she's been asked to take him to the doctors so had to have his bloods done last week. He had the full day off for the bloods but the appointment 10mins and he was fine then she didnt send him to school the next day either, 2 days absent for 10 minute bloods. My DD had a operation under general was there all day till late and had the next day off to recover and she went back the day after.

I can't help feeling she isn't helping herself and she is going to end up in court which they have said it may come to this.

Am I having an old fashioned view on this based on my mothers choices?

Its none of your business! Why do you care what other people do with THEIR children?

It's clear that I am BU and old fashioned in how I see it, and my mothers worries of being out with what would seem perfectly healthy children that to some would feel should be in school have brushed off on me but that has only been a condition to myself. I have never looked at a random stranger's child in school hours and thought anything nor say anything, I do not care, I don't know the circumstances they could be on the way to the doctors.

I only recently looked at my friend in these circumstances because it applies more to her having what would seem perfectly healthy son that to some would feel should be in school when she is off all over with him and she's been threatened with court. My friend came to me after she asked me and we talked about it. It was just a talk I told her about my childhood I did in my opinion think that this could be used against her she has nothing to back up him being ill which they have requested but evidence and posts of him being everywhere but at school.

longdiling You're correct I was asked the mothers opinions they are all in a similar situation and I am not not much, it was a discussion between 4 people, me and 3 other people. You are totally right I should just nod and agree in future :)

ThisisMajorTomtoGroundControl You are right You never 100 per cent knows what's going on in their lives and when we think we know from what they have told us who's to say it's the truth.

The majority of the time my friends son has been Ill, not physically sick but ill so most of the time the 48 hours has not applied to my friend in question but it has applied to the other women hence them bringing it up which I agreed with them. It's a pain regarding work and when children feel better within that time but catch 22 if it stops the spread of germs to other children and other mums being in that position then it's a good thing.

why I am bothered? I guess because she asked my opinion and I gave it to her that sometimes it appears his being ill is his ticket to not have to go to school, she admitted that he always says he's ill but is never sick but she doesn't want to risk it and he gets to be taken somewhere nice at the expense of her going to court over it and I know it really is non of my business but she asked.

Your right thought I should have been a better friend and not told her my opinion after she asked, I should have told her it's none of my business why should I care what she does with her son and what will happen to them when it goes to court because it's still none of my business.

We are still good friends but I will admit that I've been bu as I was worried for her and although she asked I should perhaps keep my opinions like this to myself.

I actually don't think it's old fashioned OP. I agree with what you said and if my kids are off school then yes they're not off on trips although clearly they'd be allowed in garden / watch tv etc. I apply the same principles to them as i do to me with work.

there are millions of kids around the world who aren't able to go to school, who would love the chance to learn, so unless it's unavoidable mine are bloody going in.

However, you never know what's going on with other people. Chicken pox - yes I took mine out to a massive park away from other people but before they were allowed back, for example. But a 10 minute medical appointment? Unless there's a reaction to a vaccination / bloods being taken then they would (and have) missed a total of 1 hour (collection, parking, appointment, drive vack to school).

old fashioned in how I see it
I don't think that being 'old-fashioned' has anything to do with it. When you don't know the full circumstances then being judgemental is not what friends do. Most parents want their children to be in school when school is on, but what they do with a child who is unwell is down to the parent.

My DP is (professionally) dealing with a lad who is off school having recently had a circumcision.

Couldn't possibly go in to school,but was seen riding his bike to the school to pick up his younger brother

your second post should have been your OP. no YANBU. yes if asked i would give my truthful opinion. Yes he clearly should be in school.

I had to collect my son from school as he said he was sick no one saw he has no fever (I very much doubt he was he was aware of the 48hr rule as his brother was off a dew weeks earlier).
School insisted on 48hr rule... We dropped siblings off at school and went to theme park and had a lovely day ;-)

The OP said in her first post that she was asked her opinion, something the professional myob crowd seem to have missed.

hmmm ...well, either YANBU or the 48 hour rule is wrong.

All these posters who take their child out and about on the 2nd day after D or V either have perfectly healthy children who should be in school or they are risking passing their germs to everyone who touches the same door handles, tables, handrails etc.

Whether it's schools or parents who are right I couldn't say.

Our school has a 24 hour rule, not 48.

How many adults shut themselves away for 48hrs after vomiting if they feel fine? If the school has a rule that's one thing and I will keep them off as I don't want my dc to have to lie about the fact they've been sick but it's not against the law to go out. You will encounter germs everywhere.

I really wouldn't worry or get anyway involved about this.

They arent being neglected/abused. Let the mother buy her child a toy if he's unwell. A little walk into town followed by an afternoon of sleep/watching telly sounds perfact if you are getting over an illness.

Twinkletoedelephant--- I had to collect my son from school as he said he was sick no one saw he has no fever (I very much doubt he was he was aware of the 48hr rule as his brother was off a dew weeks earlier).
School insisted on 48hr rule... We dropped siblings off at school and went to theme park and had a lovely day ;-)

That's some deterrent ! Pretend to be sick - get taken to a theme park !!!!

When his siblings catch on you can all have a lovely day out.

Firstly MOYB, natural selection will take care of their childs prospects.

Personally I think kids spend too much time in school as it is. My ds has an eyeappointment every 6 weeks and although the round trip is only an hr, and the appointment no less than half an hr, I take him out for the full day.

They're not going to fine me as I have a hosp letter to prove absence. I get a bit of one on one time with my eldest, which is hard to get nowadays.

Skin on custard - not terribly considerate to knowingly take a contagious child out to a non essential day out like a theme park. Its because of selfishness like this that children get dangerous d&v viruses unnecessarily.

I don't think it's 'old-fashioned' - if that's meant to reflect 'out of date'. I think you are absolutely right OP - if child is too ill to be in school then they are too ill to be going out anywhere. The reason schools say 48 hours is because the medical advice is that they are still infectious, so therefore, they should stay home to stop spreading their germs to everyone on the bus / in the shops / in the park etc, even if they feel back to normal themselves. If it's not an infection thing, then, IMVHO, if they are well enough to be out and about, then they are well enough to be in school.

If I don't go to work because of sickness I don't go to the pub for tea that evening, or go and do anything fun. If Ds is off sick then he has a boring day watching telly or pottering in the garden.

YABU. People get very uhappy when other parents send ill kids to school because they don't have childcare/ can't afford a day off work.
And now you whinge about a little boy being happy with a new toy.
Mind your own business. Really.

We all know some kids have a lot more time off than others, I don't think they are all more prone to contagious illness than average, just parents have different ideas of 'too ill for school' and some have no faking it radar.

Yes I do agree with you, but I really wouldn't be concerned about what other people do with their children.

I think it was a bit extreme of your mother to say that a sick child should not even be allowed to play, if I understood your OP correctly. Mine would play quietly, read, watch TV etc. If I had nobody to mind them (and I usually didn't) then they would have to come with me on the school run to collect their sisters too. They were very rarely off, and most academic years their attendance is either 100% or in the very high nineties.

If your friend's child really did have the whole day off school for just a simple blood test then I would agree with you that that was ridiculous. You don't 100% know that though.

I wouldn't say anything to the mother. I would not think it was any of my business. It is between her and the school. If he is having too much time off then they will deal with it.