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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To introduce a dummy at 20 months?

29 replies

choccywoccywoowah · 10/06/2016 04:46

Introducing a dummy at 20 months? Stupid Idea?
DD still wakes up 4-5 times a night for a bottle. Had to start watering it down as too much milk makes her constipated. She has loads during the day - twice as much as her 3 yr old brother and she has porridge before bed.
She won't accept water and I am still Breastfeeding but mentally can't handle her sucking away for 30 mins plus each time she wakes - she screams again when I remove my breast.
I feel with the milk that many times a night is becoming a habit. So last night I refused to give her the 4th bottle of the night. She was screaming non stop and chewing on her hands. She was in bed with me but no stroking or cuddles could console her. I remembered that I had a dummy downstairs from a newborn gift. Gave it her and it was like a magic wand! She loved it and slept like the proverbial baby! Surprised she took to it to be honest.
So what do I do? Try it again tonight? Or am I just being ridiculous introducing it this late?
My son slept through from 7 weeks old, but Ivy has been depriving us of sleep for a long time! Maybe I am being selfish but I am in the middle of a demanding degree and oh has his own business working full time and we just need sleep!

I really do need sleep! I guess I could have it as a bed time only thing for maybe another year or so untill she is old enough to understand when I tell her that she can't have it anymore - swapping it for a toy or similar incentive. I am just exhausted! I guess I have always been a bit of a dummy snob too 😶 but I now completely have changed my tune and understand why parents use them. I think my first was so easy, that I had no clue! it's long!

OP posts:

icklekid · 10/06/2016 04:49

Gosh if it works then yes I would do it! Am also surprised that she took to it but yes worth it for the additional sleep. Disclaimer- ds is 23 months and still has his for night time and some naps...

Original poster

choccywoccywoowah · 10/06/2016 04:56

She had a dummy for one week when she was 5 weeks old and in hospital. She has bronchiolitis and was being tube fed and given oxygen meaning I could not pick her up. She goes to a childminder full time - other mindees have dummies- her absolute joy at being given one - do you think she has been given one before? I trust my childminder though. Also she has been diagnosed with asthma due to repeated night time coughing - mentioned in case it is relevant!

OP posts:

DesignedForLife · 10/06/2016 04:58

Good grief, if it gets her out of the night feeding/ not sleeping habit then go for it! Just don't give it to her in the day at this point.

DesignedForLife · 10/06/2016 04:59

Is the asthma waking her up? If so sounds like she's relying on sucking for comfort to get her back to sleep. Is she being treated for the asthma?

Original poster

choccywoccywoowah · 10/06/2016 05:23

She has a reliever inhaler that is significantly reducing the night time coughing.b

OP posts:

Original poster

choccywoccywoowah · 10/06/2016 05:25

This is a recent diagnosis- blamed on bronchiolitis scarring her lungs as a newborn.

OP posts:

Motherfuckers · 10/06/2016 06:19

Why would anyone want their child to be so miserable for nearly 2 years? It is not normal for a child that age to wake so frequently, a dummy could have helped her self soothe and get proper sleep. You denied this just because you are a bit of a dummy snob?

Drycleanonly7 · 10/06/2016 06:31

Hello Choccy, I was a dummy snob and am still anti them (am also a speech therapist and know how a dummy can delay speech used all the time). I also think they look a bit gross! However I gave my son one for just over a year to help calm him and for nap\ bedtimes as we were both getting distressed. When he started to speak we went cold turkey and got rid of it. Three unsettled nights later he got used to being without it. Ivy seems to need it huh?! Is she feeding as much now she is using it? For your own sanity and health you need to be as rested as possible. Good luck and do what you need to do.

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 10/06/2016 09:14

Motherfuckers you're rude.

DementedUnicorn · 10/06/2016 09:17

No need for a comment like that motherfucker

Motherfuckers · 11/06/2016 18:47

Why is that rude? The OP stated that she was a dummy snob, and also that her toddler cannot settle at night and wakes frequently. This is not a newborn, it is very unusual for an almost 2 year old to still be waking that frequently and they both sound downright miserable with the situation.

chanice · 11/06/2016 18:50

It's normal, my 14 month old wakes up every night to BF.
My ds used to do the same until he was 2 and a half, that was when I stopped BF.

starry0ne · 11/06/2016 19:10

I stopped Bfeeding my DS at nearly 2 as I really wanted a good nights sleep. He still never slept through till he was 4..I started just rubbing his back to get him back to sleep...If little one is at childminders how does she get her too sleep.. I copied what nursery did. I gradually did the slow retreat. I would try using childminder method, call on DH to help for a few nights..She will know Daddy is not the provider of milk/ dummy.

If trying these things don't work you might do better to give her a dummy at night so she gets used to not grazing on milk all night then remove the dummy..She has to learn to self soothe at some age.

Another question does she have a special teddy..My Ds at that age we went to build a bear and this became his special bear..I also tried pillow cases that smelt of me.. that made no difference.

good lcuk..Sleep deprivation is the worst

CremeBrulee · 11/06/2016 20:45

I'm not a dummy snob, both of mine had them to soothe and at night.

But in this case, I'd be seeking medical advice about the asthma first. If it's tightness of chest that's waking the baby so frequently during the night, I'm not sure giving a dummy is the right answer. Wouldn't that further restrict flow of air into the lungs?

flutterby77 · 11/06/2016 22:24

I just introduced a dummy to my 22 month old to wean her off her thumbsucking which was causing her teeth to be misaligned. I hated dummies and none of my 3 kids had one until then. However, the damage the thumbsucking was doing was really bad. That was 3-4 weeks ago and she doesn't thumbsuck or even use the dummy any more and her teeth are almost straight for the first time.

I felt a bit silly giving her a dummy after all that time but it really did the trick for our issue and I hope it does for yours too.

EveryoneElsie · 11/06/2016 22:27

Not stupid or unreasonable.
They were very unfashionable when I used them but the kids threw them away or just forgot them when they no longer needed them.

strawberrybootlace · 11/06/2016 22:32

She seems to be comforted by sucking (sounds like the bottles are comfort feeds too) so I'd do this before she finds her thumb, to be honest. Removing dummies later on is much easier than cracking the thumb habit.

Motherfuckers · 11/06/2016 22:32

14 month olds can go for a full night without a feed chanice. I breastfed for longer than you and mine did not wake at that age.

Binglesplodge · 12/06/2016 07:38

I don't want to derail the OP's thread, but just because your 14 month could go all night without breastfeeding doesn't mean they all can, motherfuckers. It's quite normal for little ones to wake in the night and want the comfort of a breastfeed. They probably don't need the nutrition, it's true, but breastfeeding is about so much more than that.

Brokenbiscuit · 12/06/2016 07:48

Mother, all children are different. Just because some children can go through the night at that age, doesn't mean that all children do.

My dd was a terrible sleeper and kept waking through the night till she was nearly three. She had a dummy but stopped using it of her own accord when she was around 12 months. After that, the dummy simply didn't help any more.

OP, if it works, use it! If you avoid making it available in the day, I don't think it will do any harm.

Motherfuckers · 12/06/2016 07:51

But the OP can't handle "her sucking away for 30 minutes" I don't think it is normal for a 14 month old or older to wake at night for a feed, binglesplodge?

Billyray23 · 12/06/2016 08:35

I would in this situation but drop the milk, she is having far too much.
Remove dummie in the morning and only give at bedtime.
Really hope you get more sleep.

drinkyourmilk · 12/06/2016 08:43

Do what works. Drop night time milk feeds and replace with a dummy (I favour about 6 scattered in the cot so she can find it when it drops out at night!). Seems sensible to me. When she's older you can get rid of the dummy.
Re asthma, mine has been awful at night the past week or so- I'm waking 6-8 times. Has gp said she can have the ventolin in the night if necessary? I'd be tempted to give her some half way through if she continues to wake so frequently.

Binglesplodge · 12/06/2016 09:30

I agree that if the dummy works the OP should use it but I continue to refute your opinion that it's not normal to breastfed a14 month baby who wakes in the night.

My DS is 19 months and it's perfectly normal for him to ask for milk if he wakes in the night. It's comfort, reassurance that I'll come if he calls for me, and it helps him settle back to sleep. He's not waking for a breastfeed, he's waking for any number of other reasons - teething, bad dream, coughing - and then asking me to come and comfort him. Don't extrapolate your own experience into the general situation. Breastfeeding in the night is normal.

coconutpie · 12/06/2016 10:40

FFS motherfuckers, just because your DC didn't wake at night at that age, doesn't mean it is normal and that every single baby on the entire planet should sleep the night at that age. In actual fact, it is biologically normal that babies and toddlers wake at night:

themilkmeg.com/why-our-breastfed-babies-and-toddlers-wake-so-frequently/

Choccy - I'm not so sure about giving a dummy at that age. Breastfeeding is so much more than milk - it's their place of comfort etc. There's a really horrible sleep regression at 18 months and it can last a while - sounds like you're in the middle of that right now. No advice but it does get better. Only recently been through it myself. Have you considered co-sleeping or not giving the bottles and just offering boob? That way you don't have to be expressing / sterilising etc.

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