To treat my flowergirl (9) with a dress myself?

[Leta86]

DP and I are getting married in September, and we decided to invite children as well, but not use them as props in the ceremony. I changed my mind later, as most kids are in his family, mostly boys and under 8, except one girl, lets call her Lucy (9). I kind of connected with her so I put my foot down and asked her to be my one and only flower girl. The thing is, she's the only daughter, with 3 brothers, so the parents have to be really careful with the money, meaning except school uniform and a selection of play clothes, there isn't that much to go around.

I didn't get her involved to dress her as a mannequin, but I'm a bit at my wits end where to go for her dress, especially since I'd really like to get her something both of us will consider beautiful and she'll be able to wear it on special occasions etc for a year or two (that's what I'm hoping for, but I do realise a growth spur might be around the corner). Any ideas as to where to go for this?

Second thing, I might have made a bit of a faux-pas mentioning it in front of her without discussing it with her parents first. She went jumping up and down, but her mum, although obviously pleased, had seemed a bit worried at the time. I suppose it is connected to the cost of the dress, so my other question is, what is the most tactical way to tell her I'd like to pay for the dress without hurting her feelings?

Any advice would be much appreciated

This Monsoon dress is lovely as lengthwise it would last quite a while.

I realise though it may not be to all 9 year old taste

Do you know the little girl well, maybe the mum feels a bit strange that you aren't having any of your dh's famiies children but asking her to be a part of the ceremony.
But you might be very close to the family

I would think it's the cost. My DD was asked to be a flower girl recently for one of DH's cousins and it quickly became apparent they expected us to fork out a fortune for an outfit of their choice. DS was a page bit at another wedding last year and the bride was almost mortally offended when DH didn't automatically assume they were paying for everything so it can be a minefield.

That Monsoon Eden dress looks beautiful.

If it were me my mind would have gone straight to logistics, "How do we get DD ready and there on time with her brothers being so young".

The bride should always pay for the bridesmaids and flowergirls outfits.

Monsoon do some gorgeous ones to match their bridesmaids dresses, but I agree with Debenhams - that's where i got my flowergirls dress and it was pretty reasonably priced too IIRC

If she doesn't have a lot and you can afford it perhaps treat her to new pj's for the late evening to go home in and some shoes to go with them. Make her up a box of lovely bits as a thank you for being your bridesmaid.

BHS have some bloody amazing bargains for flower girls at the moment because of the vowing down sale. I would buy now!

Maybe they were planning on coming without any of the kids 😁

As you don't offer to pay, she might just be worried about paying for a dress her DD won't get much wear out of plus shoes etc etc. Just talk to her then crack on with enjoying treating her!

I love the PJ's & slippers idea 😊

when someone said its not the norm since when?

if u ask smeone to be a bridemaid/flowergirl for your wedding and want them to wear a special dress then of course u pay

It's normal for the bride to be to pay for the dress,shoes,any hair pieces for the flower girl,bridesmaids,matron of honour anyways OP so maybe she looked worried because you didn't mention that you'd be paying for her DD's outfit.

Yeah you 100% should be paying for everything!

I went to a wedding where they had hired two nannies (actually staff from their DN's nursery). There were a LOT of babies and parents desperately in need of a good night out there. We looked after our own kids for the reception, then nipped into a side room to give them tea during the milling about/photos bit, and all put then down to sleep in travel cots in a supervised room and had a bloody brilliant time. If you can stretch to it I'm sure the parents would love you forever for doing it.

looked after them for the ceremony sorry. Reception was largely and fabulously child-free!

If the bride chooses the dress - which seems to be quite common with those giant, perfectly arranged weddings where all bridesmaids wear the same, etc - then of course she should pay for it.
It's not like the person wearing the dress can get much use out of what is often a pink abnormity.

So there is that. Just tell the parents you are going to pay for everything because after all, it is your wedding.

Ladies, my heartfelt thanks for your opinions.

Splinterybottom, your idea is exactly what I needed and I'm stealing the idea.

Lucy and I are off to scourge all the listed shops next weekend. Let me know if you want an update.

As for the formality of the wedding, my bridesmaids are wearing whatever they want, as long as it's purple, no orchestration whatsoever, and I don't give rats arse (pardon my language) for anything turning out perfect, just as long as everyone has the time of their lives.

Things did look like they will go that way a couple of months ago, but I slammed my fist down and, although it took loads of phone calls and rearranging and putting some relatives into their places (gently), so far things are going good. (fingers crossed)

You are being SO unreasonable OP - letting them choose any dress, actually paying for All the flower girls outfit and letting her have a shopping trip to find it, saying 'of course your children can come if you want to bring them' - what about all your guests being denied the chance to start threads here saying about you being bridezilla - for heaven sake, you haven't even mentioned Maui?????!!!!

Yes, standard in the UK, you pay for all bridesmaids/FGs outfits. I cannot imagine asking someone to be a bridesmaid and then asking them to pay for their stuff, unless in exceptional circumstances (can't think of any though!).

I think the influx of american wedding shows have skewed the etiquette on this here, the bridesmaids seem to pay over there and I think people are thinking that is the way it is done. If I was asked to be a bridesmaid but had to fork out hundreds on a dress, I would step down :/

Hope you find something lovely :D

I had 2 girls from nursery come to my wedding and set up in a room off the reception room with all of our toys as DD was nearly 2 and all her cousins were similar ages. Parents and little ones could play in there together or leave the kids and did so on and off to make it more relaxed.
Enjoy shopping for flower girl outfits

What's the faux-modesty all about?

You should be buying it anyway.

You can get them on Amazon for thirteen quid.

My flower girl's dress came from Monsoon but if Ilovegorgeous (terrible name) had been around then I'd have bought it from there (with a wince at the price). Lovely dresses www.ilovegorgeous.co.uk/flower-girls/flower-girl-dresses.html

Actually, I lie. I think my flower girl's dress was Jigsaw Junior.

I paid for all my bridesmaids and flower girls whole outfits, hair, make up etc. and lunches on the days we went shopping. I wouldn't actually think it's normal to ask them to pay for themselves anyway.
Be careful of a growth spurt, I ended up having to buy another dress. Maybe buy a size up and then you can always get it taken in/hemmed a week or two before the wedding if you need to.

Act completely like you must insist on paying, saying It's your treat to say thanks for being a flower girl etc, that way the mum won't think your paying in pity at dr being hard up. then look on next in occasion wear, girls stuff is beautiful! For around 30 pounds.