Aibu to think being a sahm should mean you are an equal?

[Babygiraffejungle]

So many times I hear people in rl and on here talking about marriages. The consensus often seems to be that if one partner (usually the man), is the sole earner, or the higher earner, that he should have a bigger entitlement to any assets. It's his money, he worked hard for it, the house is more his.

Surely the sahp is facilitating the other parents career? By providing childcare mainly and usually doing housework and cooking too.

I work part time and dh works full time. I earn 1/4 of what he earns. My basic salary is actually not much less but dh works a load more basic hours plus overtime.

I'm responsible for all of the school runs, if one of the dc are ill I have to take the day off, I also have to work my leisure time around dhs job. I sort all school stuff like sports day, parents evenings, assembly, and do all of the running around to clubs. I feel that I'm a capable person and that I could better myself but I'm restricted on what hours I can work.

Dh is out of the house 7.30-6.00 and often longer. He has to work weekends sometimes, he has to work on call, he has to work away. He couldn't do any of that if I wasn't doing the childcare, or he'd have to hire a live in nanny.

Taking all of that into account I don't understand why it isn't valued and seen as proper work.

I agree turtle sometimes going to work is a rest. At least you get a lunch break and a coffee in relative peace! (lighthearted)

The grass is always greener I guess. I feel so defensive of being a SAHM because I didn't choose it and I feel like for me it is a sacrifice. I am prepared to do it because I think it benefits our family as a whole, and it isn't a horrible life, but I wish people valued it so that I could feel proud of what I'm contributing to the world instead of feeling like my life is considered easy.

turtle The people that matter(you, DH and most importantly your DC) will value it . I have never regretted it and I'm sure you won't either.You never get those years back .

I think that when people say they work outside the home and still do everything a SAHP does and more, they tend to overlook the 24/7 childcare part

I think the poster was referring to SAHP with school aged children . She said that she did not use childcare

And why is nobody making sneering comments about all fathers who remain in full time employment?

To be honest I have never heard anybody in the real world as opposed to MN make any sneering comments about parents' working arrangements of either gender. People are generally too busy getting on with their own lives

philoslothy - you should come and spend a day at my workplace - lots of women passing comments on how their parenting styles and choices are far superior to anyone else's

I do not agree going to work is a rest. Suppose it depends on the job.

I have had days where it is, days where it isn't. Actually I'd sum it up as a change is as good as a rest, sometimes.

Actively my children are older. I probably did think that when I first went back. I also had an easier job

I've worked PT since I've had DCs. DH works long hours and his employers are not very flexible so this is what works for us right now.

What really gets to me is other people, particularly men, who say 'oh you only work part time' or 'lucky you', as if it's some sort of hobby I do for pin money

Well no actually, I probably do a full time persons job in PT hours, I've put my career on hold to be around for my DCs and I'm earning half the salary I had pre children. So take your condescending pat on the head and F* off.