AIBU to give up all four jobs~just so furious. Pointless 12 months.

[Cornwallbird79]

Right. Id appreciate your thoughts please.
We developed a huge (and I mean huge debt) during a period of time when DH was studying. We have both worked as hard as we can but with the interest piling up it became unmanageable. I had ALWAYS thought that people in debt were ridiculous. Why couldn't we just stick to a budget? LOts of my friends seemed to do it.

I guess this might be easier with stable income but it was often a little up and down. We made some very silly mistakes such as change our mortgage to interest only (almost £900 a month for a 2 bed semi) plus allowing the bank to talk us into a huge loan to consolidate the debts - when looking back, it was clear that we would have been better selling up & paying ours debts off. We were tired, stressed and not well. decisions with loans etc reduced our credit rating & our interest rates were v v high. If only we could go back and make better decisions!

We havn't holidayed since we married almost ten years ago, we dont buy new clothes & we drive old bangers. Shamefully, i don't even have a bra that fits me. I alternate between two nursing bras that Ive had for 4 years. However our exteriors are cheerful. I regularly volunteer on variuous boards, take an interest in community & we have a messy but I guess sort of ok home (rented) I love the children and they are lovely kids!

A friend of mine recently commented about 'poor' people and why they don't just get a better job or work more hours. I'm ashamed to say i just sat opened mouthed & babbled something about everyone circumstances being different.

Neither of us command a huge income but we have just hung on to the hope that things would get better with effort & time. It hasn't.

I suffer from bi polar depression. No one knows this as I have never had reason to tell an employer or friends. I work REALLY hard to keep myself level & every day is a real balance. I'm on a small amount of medication which has so far worked, I don't smoke, take drugs of any sort & I keep my alcohol to a real minimum. I don't sleep around or do any of those things that TV make out happens... and I don't have hallucinations or talk to inanimate objects :) well.....not so far.
I receive no benefits or allowances etc for the privelage of having an adled brain :)

Fast forward 5 years and we are still chipping away at the debt. I now have four part time jobs having just cut it down from 5. These are all £7.20 an hr care type jobs / help at a school / support work and frankly although are lovely jobs (in that they are helpful to the community) they are very draining. I regularly cry in the loo at work, I'm exhausted to my bones & I often day dream of running away!

Then I remember that I'm 40, got myself in this mess, and need to get myself into gear and get on with it!

The work I do is very 'bitty' & is often for 2-5 hours at a time. We have had no family support so it has often meant leaving my children upset at nursery (which they hated) or leaving my little girl inconsolable in daddies arms as I walk out to work. It got to the point that every waking moment was taken up with her clock watching, discussing my work & pleading with me not to go. What kwpt me going was that i knew i was helping to pay debt and to help keep the house running...

Today I had a letter to say we were no longer entitled to tax credits. I have been exhausted to the point of pangs of anxiety, awful IBS - lots of things associated with depression (all of which I parcel away as I don't want anyone to think I cant cope and I don't want the kids to worry)

So basically my piddly income that ive battled for, has meant NOTHING. We now owe them almost £1700 from last year & i am totally furious.

Contributing to society is a really important for me. Basically what 'Ive done is NOTHING. I was polite on the phone but pretty fuming and told the guy that the next time i call is to say I'm unemployed. What is the point?

On one hand it may seem like our income is ok but take out several hundred pounds of a debt a month and we aren't entitled to housing benefit or anything like that.

I'm so fuming with myself for being so useless - that ive now run out of words.

You still owe £40k?

Have you considered bankruptcy? Realistically, you're never going to pay off this debt.

OP, do a statement of affairs and let us look at it, see if we can suggest alternatives for your outgoings.
MSE has the debt free wannabe forum, they can help with suggestions too!
Can you consolidate your jobs a bit more? As it is, you're paying a lot of emergency tax for not a lot of benefit.
turn to us could help calculate your entitlements too.
Hth

No concrete suggestions other than the PP but sending HUGE hugs for you and your family. Hang in there, as it will get better as the children get bigger. Going to see a debt management service/CAP/CAP will help.

Even though you are managing your bipolar really well it still has an impact on your life. Get some specialist advice (Mind/bipolar UK) on applying for Personal Independence Payment. (it won't negatively affect any other benefits or tax credits)

Get some proper (free) debt advice as to what option is best for you, whether you can get interest frozen and pay off the balances or whether you will have to go down the bankruptcy/ IVA route to get out from under.
You ARE contributing to society, paid and unpaid, and it's really such an unfair system when people can work so hard and still only barely keep afloat.

This may be one of the times when you have to forget pride and society and decide what is best for your family and your health.

Yes please look on mse. It might even be worth some sort of bankruptcy or at least to right to all debtors and agree to a very small monthly payment.

agree with other posters

debt charity - not one of the cowboy firms
they can take you through everything. I'd be considering bankruptcy tbh
apply for pip - think may boost tax credits but that could just be children
run your figures through entitled to - see if tax credits are right or if they have made a mistake

I have to agree with the others suggesting bankruptcy. I had to do it 5 years ago when separating from my husband with a mortgage on a house in negative equity and a few credit cards as well. I know the feeling very well of a huge chunk of your income going to repay debts that never seem to get any smaller.

Bankruptcy is no quick/easy fix but it was my only option and it turned out to be a blessing after all. Once I got the debts wiped, I was able to breathe and budget. My income was actually enough to live on and I have rebuilt my life and was even able to save up for a few things (like changing my car etc).

Please consider it and pm me if I can help you more.

Get a charity like CAP involved (Christians Against Poverty). I got them to help me when my dear dear dearest fucking husband gambled our money away, reneged on his part of several agreements for me to 'just cover him this once if he pays it back within x months' (cc in my name maxed out etc), and then I became disabled and he sodded off leaving his severely disabled wife, little baby and £30k in debt.

Anyway - a BAD situation. CAP helped me do a budget but with their guidelines, not mine. Which meant they refused to let me budget less for food, electricity etc than the levels they'd agreed with the government were the thresholds for unsustainable poverty. It was a lot more than is been trying to live on, and failing... Then they talk directly to all your creditors, and you don't get involved in this as it's too stressful. Then they come up with a payment plan which actually works. And help you keep budgetting along the way.

The weight lifted from my shoulders was great indeed. And they weren't too pushy with the religion side of things, which is been worried about. The woman who came to see me said its not supposed to be a way of getting into your house to evangelize, or to male people feel they had to exchange help for church going. It's because the founder believed that the financial sector is deeply unethical and people end up in a kind of modern day slavery, which needs to be fixed.

I really think someone like them is what you need - financially but also mentally, you need to be living a better, happier and FAIRER life than this. I thought my situation was totally beyond help. And I'm good with figures, savvy and generally not a sap (except for the bad choice in husbands clearly!). Shockingly, in just under 2 years I had paid it all back. I refused to go bankrupt btw, even though financially that would have made more sense and CAP were pushing that option. But it was extremely important to me personally that I didn't write off any debts. My fault. I needed to pay it all back for my own peace of mind and self respect. Even though it wasn't me who'd got me into it, it weighed heavily on me. So CAP helped me find a way to do it.

It's not hopeless, but perhaps it's time to get other people to help (if not CAP one similar type of charity)...

Good luck

I don't have anything to add about your debt, but I would definitely recommend getting one job rather than 4 different ones, otherwise you are constantly chasing your tail all the time, plus it might help with your anxiety.

op, i think youve been battling for so long and youve done well to continue.

I echo christians against poverty and stepchange, you will feel like a weight been lifted when you contact them let alone when any help is recieved.

You are not alone op, good luck.