To give up work?

[Babygiraffejungle]

I'm really stuck with no idea what to do for the best.

I'm on maternity leave and due back soon. My job is fantastic. It's pretty much school hours, great pension, well paid considering my hours. I really wasn't enjoying it before I went on maternity leave but because of loads of structural changes, lots of insecurity, worsening terms and conditions. But still great compared to some iyswim?

I was told a few weeks ago that my post is going to be relocated miles away by the time I go back. I put in a request to transfer to another post but it's been refused.

If I go to new location it's going to cripple us financially. Extra childcare for dc and travel costs would mean we'd be paying out more than I earned. It would also be a very long commute, I'd have to request to reduce my hours just to get back for the dc. I don't even know if it would be doable until I do a few trial runs as it's on a really bad route.

Dh is out 6.30-6.30 and is by far the higher earner. He treats my job like an inconvenience at times. No family to help with childcare.

On top of that dh wants to move back to his hometown, we are in a position to buy a bigger, nicer house, nicer area and it would take the pressure off his travelling. It would mean eldest dc having to change schools or me travelling 30-40 minutes to the current school for the next few years. Of course all the best schools in the area are full. Dh is thinks we'd have a better quality of life in his hometown and he'd have more family time.

We could afford for me to not work, I'd love to stay at home for a while but I'm reluctant to become completely dependent on dh and give up on what I've worked for.

Otoh in theory I could hand my notice in and possibly even retrain in something entirely new.

Sounds like the relocated post isn't a suitable alternative for you as you have caring responsibilities, so you may actually be redundant.

I would tread very carefully if I were you. You did he already treats your job as an inconvenience, I'd bet £100 that if you decide to stay at home everything to do with housework/ childcare will be 100% left to you.

Tread very carefully here.

Can you take a career break?

Is finding work for you (even low paid flexible part time work) in dhs home town an option?

Also consider what happens when DC are school aged and you may (or may) not need to get a job... is your profession one that can take career breaks?

Buuny but if the op wasn't working the housework and childcare should be her responsibility.

Career break is a possibility but given the current situation it's unlikely my job would still be there anyway (they aren't obligated to keep your job on career break).

Dh does act as though his job is the be all and end all. To be fair he does his share even though I'm on maternity leave. But me having no job does leave me in a totally different position so yes I'm worried about the dynamics of our situation.

I could get work in dhs home town but probably not as good as I've currently got terms and conditions wise. I'm not confident I'd be able to walk back into work in say 5 years time.

I do feel as though I've been made redundant only without the redundancy pay.

A few months ago I would have said quit work, be with your kids, support your husband's career and enjoy you're lovely home. That's what I would love to do.

But my husband was made redundant in December due to a massive downturn in his industry. Not exactly a bolt from the blue but a year ago it was unthinkable. Six months in and he has had one interview, which he didn't get. He is trying his hardest but things are shocking here just now.

I was able to up my hours immediately and have been able to support my family. Previously, my dream had been to quit work, I now know I can never do that. It has been such an emotional and financial relief that I have been able to support us. I don't mean to prophesise doom, but anything could happen to your DH. Even if it isn't practical to do your previous job where your DH wants to relocate to, I would try to get something.

Good luck.

So sorry to hear that origami, I hope he manages to find something soon.

I've had that very conversation with dh, his area of work is quite specialist and it's all he's ever done. So it wouldn't be unthinkable for that to happen to us. Although dh is very confident it wouldn't.

Just to complicate matters, if we did move to dhs home town, it might be easier to get to new work location. It wouldn't be any closer but there would be a train, although still a long commute. It would mean dh being more available to do nursery run to take the pressure off me.

I would sit and have a frank conversation with dh from the perspective of the move to the new Town and you keeping your job (albeit with the move). Discuss nursery pick ups and drop offs, who his share would be, I. E an agreed day. Discuss the money - ok so overall you would be working for no extra money but you would have the security of a job and knowledge that you wouldn't be out of the workforce for 5 years.

See how he responds. It doesn't have to happen like this but it'd be interesting for you to hear how it could work between the two of you

We decided to take it in turns to develop our careers, only I decided I didn't want to work after all.

However, the general idea was while the dc were little we would focus on dh career and just keep mine ticking over with some education/ courses thrown in.

When dc were at school, dh was to cut back and focus on my career and his tick over.

It would have worked for us, if I had decided to continue.

You will be 100% default responsible for household management, but fair enough if you are a sahm.
That's not to say you can't expect the same amount of leisure time, respect, and time for your future development.

Just a thought but do your ils live in the same town still?
Would it be practical for support?

Why not try it for 4-6 months as the problems may not be as insurmountable as they first appear?
Having paid work will give you a break from childcare and housework, and you'll be on a level playing field with your DH. If it doesn't work at least you'll both know that you tried and he should fully support and appreciate your role at home.

Also check your maternity policy - will you need to pay back your maternity pay (above SMP) if you dont go back for 3 months?

Are you a member of the union? Did they properly consult you on the changes? Whilst employers can do this whilst you are maternity leave, many don't as they fear the risk that you raise a case of discrimination (or the like) for being on maternity leave or potentially constructive dismissal case. Have they put a financial package together to cover the additional costs for a couple of years? You may need proper advice about what they are proposing and if it is reasonable.

You should take some advice re your work situation. The relocated post is clearly not a suitable alternative so you should be redundant and being paid redundancy pay (as long as you have more than 2 years' service).

I would definitely take legal / HR advice on this. If they weren't 100% by the book on process for restructure / consultancy period / alternative roles etc there is a strong possibility it is illegal due to discrimination and you are due redundancy plus additional settlement as you could threaten them with tribunal.

I also recommend treading very carefully In the 25 years or so since my contemporaries started having children I have seen so many people give up work ,often for what seemed like good reasons With a few exceptions they have all found it very hard to get back into work at the same level
Maybe ok if you stay together forever but have you seen the divorce statistics

On maternity leave, you are protected and your employer has to offer you a role which is similar to your existing terms and conditions. The relocation you've described does not fit this criteria. Therefore, if they cannot offer you anything else, then your position is redundant and they should have followed procedure about consulting etc and you are also due a payout. This happened to me btw and my settlement allowed me to start my own WFH consulting business - would a drastic change like that be an option?

I wouldn't. I've seen too many women utterly fucked over by divorce and unable to get a job again/no pension provision etc. your dh attitude doesn't fill me with confidence.