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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay this?

109 replies

sockrage · 07/06/2016 16:31

Dd is dyspraxic and in the bottom set for pe so none of them are great at sports.

She has been playing rounders in PE in a group of girls.
One girl (not dd) has thrown the ball to the batter a bit too high and it has gone in the brambles. Dd was fielding so neither the thrower or the hitter.

They have tried to get the ball out of the brambles but been unable.
The pe teacher has insisted they get it out.
They haven't been able to reach it.

The pe teacher is now insisting the kids pay £2.50 each to replace the ball. Dd has got upset as she knows we are shit skint and I've just borrowed money for a trip and been told tough she has to find it.

If they had been being silly fair enough but the girls are fairly sensible and even if the thrower was being silly dd didn't even throw it!

I must admit I am feeling a bit pissed off at the teacher anyway who makes no reasonable adjustments for dds dyspraxia and moans at her and admits to others moaning at her and not stopping it because Dyspraxic dd takes too long to get dressed and moans at her for using the toilet in class (once in class today and not every class) when dd has a medical toilet pass in school.

It is also the only lesson dd has anything other than an excellent behaviour mark but the only bad thing she could say at parents evening was she was slow to get dressed. Hmm

So that may be clouding my judgement.

OP posts:
milkysmum · 08/06/2016 06:51

No I absolutely would not pay. I would go to the head if you do not get a reasonable response from the teacher.

Inertia · 08/06/2016 06:54

I 'm not suggesting the Op should ask for an invoice, because there's no way she should be paying. I asked whether the school had actually sent one, because there's a possibility that DD may have misunderstood what was said.

AyeAmarok · 08/06/2016 07:00

No, don't pay. Most ridiculous thing I've heard in a while. Absolutely do not pay!

Friolero · 08/06/2016 07:07

Good email. I would maybe copy the head teacher in as well as the form teacher, if you have their email address?

Coconutty · 08/06/2016 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 08/06/2016 07:15

Am curious to know what the response will be!

BalloonSlayer · 08/06/2016 07:16

I think your email is far too ranty, sorry.

My email would have been more PA

"Sorry to bother you but DD is very worried and I am hoping to reassure her. DD came home very upset because, according to her, she has been told she has pay £2.50 to replace a rounders ball because [what you've said]. Clearly this is ridiculous but she is adamant this is true. Could you clarify with the group please that this isn't happening (ie please don't single DD out as the one who misunderstood) ? Thank you."

  • but I appreciate that PA emails are not a good idea.
TroysMammy · 08/06/2016 07:23

Don't pay. In my day PE teachers were awful and only favoured the sporty children who won awards for the school in competitions. Being small and skinny I was never picked during PE lessons nor encouraged. I hate sport and exercise.

Original poster
sockrage · 08/06/2016 07:25

I agree it is a bit ranty balloon however we have had the shittiest year and I am losing patience fast.

Open to less I hate you school alternatives.

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 08/06/2016 07:30

Really, don't send the aggressive version - apart from anything else, you'll feel a right idiot if dd has got it wrong. Start off with a recital of the facts as relayed by her without any emotion. Then say:

"I'm sure DD must have got this wrong, because of course she had nothing to do with the loss of the ball and in any event loss of equipment during a supervised activity is the responsibility of the school. Further, the value of a used rounders ball is under £1."

If it is the case that DD has not got this wrong, please could you confirm that this was an error on the part of Ms PEteacher and explain how it came about. I should state that, for the reasons stated above, I will not be paying and if the school wishes to pursue the matter I will need to escalate it to the governors.

Whilst writing, I would like a meeting to discuss concerns I have that DD is being penalised with regard to PE by reason of dyspraxia and the adjustments the school proposes to take to avoid this. I can be available at X time on Y date. Please let me know if this is convenient or propose an alternative meeting time.

AugustaFinkNottle · 08/06/2016 07:30

Sorry, got my quote marks wrong there. The end of the quote should have come at the end of the post.

passmyglass · 08/06/2016 07:30

I think balloon's PA email is slightly better, although i would def also include the stuff about the toilet pass. I think the fact she wasnt throwing the ball is irrelevant tbh. As you say, if they weren't mucking around, even if she had thrown it, she shouldn't be paying. Its a lesson. They're supposed to be learning. They're not supposed to be perfect at it. I am a teacher and quite iften find myself defending teachers in school threads, but this teacher is a disgrace. As someone else said, you should suggest to the H that this teacher recieves more training in teaching dyspraxic children.
I would however go in gently: i have 2 lovely teenage DSs who give a very biassed account whenever they have had any kind of sanction at school.

Gide · 08/06/2016 07:32

Email way OTT. No need. Your only issue is the ball, don't cloud it with toilet pass, dyspraxia etc.

Bolograph · 08/06/2016 07:35

Remember the basic issue:

You want to be a famous sportsman

You'd settle for being a respected teacher

You are a PE teacher

That's why if you want to find the dim bullies in a school, the PE department is your first port of call: it's where aside from the stench of dirty tracksuits the prevailing odour is that of failure.

Phalenopsisgirl · 08/06/2016 07:36

Doesn't sound very plausible to me, was this story relayed to you by anyone other than dd? I 'd put money on the likely hood there is more to this tale than she is telling you

Mellowautumn · 08/06/2016 07:36

Send the ranty version as it sounds like you have been 'reasonable' too long especially concerning her additional needs. I have learnt that sometimes you have to really express your dissastisfaction and frustration at the system to get any results

monkeywithacowface · 08/06/2016 07:36

This is crazy but I agree with those who say follow the complaints procedures tedious though they may be!

diddl · 08/06/2016 07:39

"the loss of the ball and in any event loss of equipment during a supervised activity is the responsibility of the school."

I would say that that's all you need to put tbh-as the reason you will not be paying.

If you want to see her re how your daughter is treated & what they are going to do to rectify, do you say that as well or just ask for a meeting?

Original poster
sockrage · 08/06/2016 07:45

I'm more than open to rationality. Because of the year we have had and the fact we are actively looking at other schools in struggling to not send them a your spectacularly shit email. Blush

Phalen dd is not an angel but is usually pretty accurate to be fair in what has happened. She doesn't get in trouble at school usually.

In fact she's honest to fault mostly.

I.e 'I hate Mrs X she's horrid
Why
Well I was talking to y in class and she told me off

Well its your own fault then!'

So she's more likely to have come home ranting she threw a ball in a bush and was told off for it.

OP posts:
ExtraHotLatteToGo · 08/06/2016 07:45

PE teacher has lost the plot. Entirely.

BalloonSlayer · 08/06/2016 07:51

I would save the toilet pass and getting changed bit for when the teacher replies, saying OF COURSE it's nonsense, DD is being silly. This is where you reply with:

"I am sorry that DD got the wrong end of the stick. I think this has happened because DD has become extremely anxious over her PE lessons. As you know, she has dyspraxia, for which reasonable adjustments must be made, and x issue which means she has a toilet pass but she has been reporting that she is frequently being told off for being slow to change and for needing the toilet. I thought she was exaggerating but you brought up the slow to change issue at parents' evening so I know now that she isn't. I am at a loss as to how to address her anxieties when I have seen for myself that they are real."

manicinsomniac · 08/06/2016 07:56

Are you sure the children weren't asked for 25p each towards the ball (not that that would be okay either!)

Weird situation. Balls get lost in a large proportion of games lessons, surely. I've never heard anyone being asked to pay for a ball.

We start the rounders/cricket season with circa 150 balls. Probably have fewer than 120 by the end of it. That's life.

ohtheholidays · 08/06/2016 08:07

Nope I'd let them have it with both barrels OP,the way they're treating your DD because of her dispraxia is disgusting and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with it!

I say that as someone that used to teach and who has 2DC that are disabled,both autistic and one is dyspraxic and the other had physical disabilities,i'm also disabled myself now.

Is the Head of the school aware of how your DD has been treated,not being allowed to go to the toilet despite the toilet pass,being moaned at by staff and pupils for being slow at dressing when she can't help it??

If not bring it up with the head of the school in a proper meeting and ask them what they're going to do about the fact that your DD is being discriminated against over something that she has no control over.If the head is aware go over them and report the discrimination.

It's unforgivable behaviour if a teacher is not stopping other pupils from moaning at your child for not being able to go any quicker whilst changing but if that teacher is partly responsible or is also moaning at your child at the same time I'd want to know what action was going to be taken within regards of that teacher!

Original poster
sockrage · 08/06/2016 08:09

Better

Secondly perhaps you could clear up a matter which occurred yesterday.

Dd came home upset following a lesson of a bottom set PE class yesterday doing rounders. She was fielding. Another child threw the ball to the person batting too high and it went in bramble. The children tried to get it but couldn't so they were told by the teacher they had to replace the ball and an amount of money stated.

Dd told the teacher we didn't have money and she hadn't thrown the ball but was told she still had to find it for next week.

I'm sure dd must have got this wrong, because of course if her account is correct she had nothing to do with the loss of the ball and in any event loss of equipment during a supervised activity is the responsibility of the school unless damaged intentionally. In this case even if the other child was negligent when throwing the ball dd had no control over this.

Whilst writing, I have concerns that dd is being penalised with regard to PE by reason of dyspraxia. She has reported on numerous occasions that she is told off for taking too long to get changed (the PE teacher told me herself at parents evening that she was frustrated with dd for being too slow and the other kids moaned at her at having to wait) maybe reasonable adjustments can be made to allow her in a few of minutes early to get changed?

OP posts:
whois · 08/06/2016 08:16

I wouldn't send your email OP. Keep it more factual. I also wouldn't say "I'm sure DD has it wrong" because that isn't the case.

Hi Teacher
DD came home from school on DAY upset as she had been asked to pay towards a rounders ball that was lost during PE. She was fielding and was not involved in the ball going astray (although I would have thought lost balls were par for the course anyway).

Please can you clarify why DD has been asked by Mrs PE teacher that she has to pay? This is not inline with my understanding of school procedures and is causing DD significant distress.

Secondly, DD has become anxious about PE as she is being told off by Mrs PE for being slow to change. This was also raised by Mrs PE to me at parents evening. As you and Mrs PE are aware, DD has dyspraxia and she struggles with changing. Please suggest a reasonable adjustment that can me made so that DD's needs can be met (requiring longer to chance) within the confines of the lesson. Maybe she could be sent in 5 mins early?

Lastly, DD has a toilet pass. She has been reprimanded by for using this pass. As far as I am aware, no concerns have been raised about DD abusing the toilet pass? She had cystitis and needed to go to the toilet more frequently. Please confirm that you will remind all DDs teachers that she has a toilet pass and she is to be allowed to use it without comment.

I am feeling extremely disappointed in the way DD is being treated at the moment - these series of incidents are building up to a bigger picture where DD is not happy in yoir school environment.

I look forward to your response.