Family wedding

[Unreasonablebil]

Bil and sil got married abroad a couple of years ago to help with a visa application. It was just the two of them there.
They now want to have a proper celebration of their marriage and this will be in the states as that is where sil is from. They have been talking about doing this for a while but have never set any dates.
Bil phoned dh yesterday and said they have set a date and they would love for us to come. The date they have set is in 2 months time and slap bang in the middle of the summer holidays.
I can not get this time off work as it is fully booked by people with children. We do have a couple of weeks booked off next month so could potentially see if someone minds swapping a week with me but I doubt this will be possible as they have booked it off to look after their children.
Dh spoke to bil and said it is highly unlikely that I would be able to get the time off. His response was that dh could therefore go without me!

I'm feeling pretty pissed off and hurt to be honest. If they really wanted us there then they should have checked we were available before booking it and given us more notice.

Poor dh is stressing about it as he feels like they are expecting him to go. If he moves his holiday and goes then it means I don't get a holiday this year and will spend a week off work on my own.

Am I being unreasonable to say both myself and dh will not be going?

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

But then I read your update that they live in the UK. So I've changed my mind and instead I'm saying fuck that shit!
This exactly!

[Baboooshka]

Given your update, YADNBU!

Honestly, if your SIL has relatives in the States but lives in the UK, the whole event will probably be skewed towards reuniting and celebrating with her own family, which is only natural. It would be nice for you and DH to go if time off and money were no object, but I wouldn't give up your own holiday for that.

[Unreasonablebil]

If I could get the time off work then I would be there in a heart beat. It's the fact that as it is so last minute I have been excluded through no fault of my own. This has then meant dh doesn't want to go on his own but will feel bad if he doesn't go. This could have all had been easily avoided if they hadn't booked it so last minute.

I get on well with bil and sil and we see each other socially so I'm quite hurt that they think it is ok that dh goes without me.

[Sparkletastic]

No way. Suggest special dinner for 4 of you when they return so they can tell you all about it. And crack on and book holiday for you and DH.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

So with two months notice they want you to travel to the US for a party? Yanbu!! They are already married for the last two years, to be honest I think the wedding celebration window is well last and they will look seriously grabby. They are basically going on a holiday two years after they got married and are looking for a few presents while they are there, no no and no again!

[Tiggeryoubastard]

It's short notice, expensive and DH doesn't want to go alone. It's not as if it's a wedding, it's just a party. I wouldn't bother.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

Well past not last, the wedding celebration window has long past

[AlmaMartyr]

They live in the UK? Absolutely don't bother going then, what a waste of time and money!

[Babymouse]

It be nice if he could go, but surely they realise that this is a big ask and that there is a good chance he won't be able to make it! If they want the most people possible to come they should arrange celebrations both countries.

[Sierra259]

YANBU. I was more sympathetic towards them until you said they live in the UK and have just decided to tack on a fake wedding to a holiday they had already planned to take themselves, at really short notice. It's always a massive ask to expect family/friends to fork out and take extra time off work for a wedding, and 2 months notice is bonkers, especially if it will cost you your own holiday of choice this year.

Can't they just have a party in the UK too?

[Somerville]

Since it's not clear it's a destination wedding, rather than them living there, I think that BIL should offer to pay for your husband to attend.

[Somerville]

Now clear, rather.

[MangosteenSoda]

Absolutely no way would either of us go under those circumstances. As they have been married for a couple of years and you see them a lot socially, I bet you have already done something, even if low key, to celebrate their marriage.

There's no way they should be expecting you to forego a holiday this year so your DH can holiday with them. I bet it's nothing like a proper reception either as it's being organised so late in the day. It's just a party with her family.

[SapphireStrange]

I think BIL is being U.

Don't worry about it. Use the money and time to have a great holiday with just your DH.

Maybe take them for a slap-up dinner or something when they get back to the UK?

[Sierra259]

Sorry, that was meant to say fork out for a wedding abroad.

[kimnews]

YANBU

We got married in the USA and gave our guests over a years notice. Only 6 people came (none of DHs family).

[Tiggeryoubastard]

somerville it's not a destination wedding. It's it a wedding at all, they've been married two years.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

It's it? = It isn't. Sorry.

[CaptainCabinet]

YANBU

Given the cost in time and money to attend, I would either want to both go and make a holiday out of it (which you would have done had there been some notice) or neither go.

If you want guests to travel, you provide notice. If you don't mind you can take your chances.

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

IME when people make gestures like this -- suddenly deciding to get married after 20 years together, renewing their wedding vows, a party TWO YEARS later - it's a flag that the relationship is in trouble. Maybe wait for BIL's next marriage

[JassyRadlett]

My brother wasn't able to come to my wedding - he lives in my home country. He thought he'd be able to make the date but then something came up to prevent him.

It was absolutely fine. I missed him, it was sad he couldn't be there, but it's absolutely the sort of thing that happens and I completely understood it.

[Bolograph]

A bit inconsiderate that they only gave 2 months notice,

Have you seen the price of plane tickets to the US for

[Shelby2010]

Well it sounds like they've had a trip to the States planned for a while, and then thought 'Hey, let's make it a celebration of our marriage at the same time!'. Then they thought, hmm, not really a celebration if only the brides friends & family are there, quick better invite some of the grooms relatives too.

Bet they booked their flights ages ago when they were cheaper.

If MIL can't make it either, why don't they just have a party in the UK too? They've had 2 years to plan this non event, giving you only 2 months notice is just rude.

[ExitPursuedByBear]

It's a party.

In America.

Are they mad?

[StopLookingAtMyAccount]

No way. Suggest special dinner for 4 of you when they return so they can tell you all about it. And crack on and book holiday for you and DH

^ I'd do something like that.