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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider calling police on inlaws next time this happens

80 replies

AlchyInlaws · 04/06/2016 21:44

So MIL and her partner obviously have a drinking problem. They start on the wine at noon every day and often have to sleep it off in the afternoon before continuing in the evening. This isn't normally an issue as we only visit them about 3 times a year and although they're continual slurring / repeating stories are annoying it doesn't directly affect me

What concerns me a lot more is when they come to visit. They came for one night recently and polished off 3 bottles of wine between them in the evening (hubby had 2 glasses). They brought the wine with them as they know I only buy 1 bottle for when they come. They arrived about 5pm and started drinking at 7, whilst I was putting kids to bed

The next morning they said they were going out to buy a paper and came back with a bottle of wine too. They started drinking this at noon like normal, then left after lunch (about 2pm) to make the 4 hour drive home. I didn't pay attention to how much each of them were drinking but they were both having some. Apparently it was ok because they made a thermos for the journey!!

Am I right in thinking that whoever was driving would definitely be over the limit during this drive? If I called the police and they got pulled over they would probably guess that I called. However, if they had an accident on the way home and someone got hurt or killed then I would feel guilty forever!

To be honest, I didn't think of it until they left last time so didn't have their registration number. However, I'm torn as to what to do next time! Do I really risk tearing my husbands family apart?

My hubby is of the view that they must have built up such a tolerance level that 1/2 bottle of wine wouldn't impair their driving. Could this really be true?

DT X

OP posts:

Originalfoogirl · 04/06/2016 22:34

I'd report any member of my family for drink driving. If they fell out with me because of it, that's their loss.

No matter how bad they feel getting caught, it's nothing compare to how they feel when they kill some innocent road user because of their stupidity.

EskiVodkaCranberry · 04/06/2016 22:35

How would your body know you've finished drinking

Iknownuffink · 04/06/2016 22:36

The drink during law in Scotland is much stricter than that in the rest of the UK.

NewLife4Me · 04/06/2016 22:48

I couldn't be too faced, and would try everything before reporting anyone, especially a member of my family.
Does your husband want to report them? Surely, it should be up to him.
You obviously don't like them.

ToomuchChocolatemeansBootcamp · 04/06/2016 22:55

Carol where do you live that the limit is "about 4 units???" I'm in Scotland where the limit is now down to 50 so even one large glass of wine is enough to put you over! Is the rest of the U.K. still 80 - my understanding this is a lot less than 4 units? I definitely would feel my driving and judgement would be impaired after half a bottle of wine!!

Original poster

AlchyInlaws · 04/06/2016 22:57

DH doesn't want to report them as he thinks that they have built up such high tolerances that 1/2 bottle wouldn't affect them enough to make a difference in an accident scenario anyway. Plus he doesn't want the fall out. He says that he trusts them to know their own limit! Although he completely agreed with me that the DC would never be in scar with either of them (made an excuse about car seats when it was suggested one time)

I'm surprised by some people saying that 1/2 bottle of wine with some food wouldn't put you over the limit 2 hours later, given how tipsy I feel after 2 glasses! I certainly couldn't drive but I very very rarely drink anyway

I will make a bit of the car reg next time we see them and see where to go from there x

OP posts:

Iknownuffink · 04/06/2016 22:59

*dRiving.

4Me are you for real?

How do you think that folk whose lives have been devastated by a drunk driver, move on and make a new life?

GabsAlot · 04/06/2016 23:06

itsnot 4 units her eits 2

thats crap about building up a tolerance no such thing-if theyre breathlysed they would fail and if they cause an accident they'll go to jail

Iknownuffink · 04/06/2016 23:08

You have their address, the car reg can be gleaned from that by the police.

Call the non emergency number and report them before they kill someone.

constantlycuntinglyconfused · 04/06/2016 23:10

I would call crimestoppers and you can make an anonymous report of your inlaws drink driving. They will keep an eye out for them.

agentmarmalade · 04/06/2016 23:10

I'd report them.
What if someone died as a result of their drinking?
It's not a risk I'd take.

lazyarse123 · 04/06/2016 23:13

I would definitely report them they are probably still over the limit from day before. I work in a shop and reported a customer who was definitely drunk and then got in his car, unfortunately the police couldn't find him as he had gone before they arrived but at least I tried and wouldn't hesitate to do it again. You would never forgive yourself if someone died.

Gide · 04/06/2016 23:14

Report. They are wankers.

BeckyMcDonald · 04/06/2016 23:18

'Tolerance' means fuck all in terms of drink driving. If you are stopped, they test the amount of alcohol in your breath. Broadly, if I had two pints (I don't really drink) and your mum had two pints, we'd have similar alcohol levels in our breath if tested at the same time.

I'd report them, no questions. They sound like a pair of irresponsible bellends.

TwoLeftSocks · 04/06/2016 23:20

I think I'd report it, unlikely you could talk them round from it, sounds like quite an established habit.

If you give their address the police can look up their reg number.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 04/06/2016 23:22

OP, the average bottle of wine contains 6 glasses at 125ml each. If the alcohol content is 12% then each glass is roughly 1.5 units meaning your inlaws drank approximately 4.5 units each before driving.

That's an entire days allowance in one sitting having drank 3 times that amount the previous night.

Depending how long it takes them to process the alcohol I would hazard a guess they were both potentially still over the limit before they drank the lunchtime bottle.

The NHS states it takes approx 1 hour to process a single unit of alcohol (ignoring discrepancies for weight/age etc) Assuming your inlaws are regular drinkers it probably takes them longer to process the alcohol considering they are older and abuse alcohol more often.

In short OP, Report them.

For your DP give him the links to www.drinkaware.co.uk and enjoyresponsibly.co.uk/

LaBelleOtero · 05/06/2016 00:21

It's not two-faced to report someone for drunk driving. Not unless you had actually promised them you'd never report them for drunk driving!

SarahM24 · 05/06/2016 00:46

It dosnt matter what your partner wants/thinks about his parents 'tolerance' you need to report them in the hope it will be enough to stop them.

What if the worst happens and they are in an accident? What if someone innocent looses their life? A child? A baby? A pregnant woman so two loves wiped out? Newly married guy or new dad leaving behind his children ? It could be you or yours one day we never know what's around the corner but your in laws are playing roulette with others lives and its dam right selfish report them please

AugustaFinkNottle · 05/06/2016 01:13

If they're slurring and repeating what they say and having to sleep it off, they haven't developed any sort of safe tolerance and definitely shouldn't be on the road.

caroldecker · 05/06/2016 01:23

Again, 15 units each from 7pm means clear by 10am on average, so no issue from th night before. As discussed above, they would be legal - not necessarily safe, but legal.
Given this, how will your relationship develop if you reported them?

SilverBirchWithout · 05/06/2016 01:57

I think both your DH and yourself have really already answered the question. If you both would never put your DC in the car with them, hand on heart you know they are risking other people's safety by being on the road.

Phone 111(is this the non emergency police number?) for support and advice, they will tell you how best to proceed about reporting them.

Jenny70 · 05/06/2016 02:06

I actually think they might be close to the limit, maybe over maybe under depending on size of glasses (home glasses are usually bigger than a standard glass) and few other factors. Not massively over. I'd be slightly worried I'd go to the effort of local police/crimestoppers only to find them under the limit (at that time). That would reinforce to them that they were OK to drink and drive, even if that day was less drinking/more time since drinking than their normal habits.

Do you know their GP, or do they live somewhere small enough that you could guess it? Maybe flagging the drinking to the GP, as a health concern might address the drinking in itself, rather than the drink/driving which might be harder to catch them doing.

But if I did suspect them to be well over the limit, I would report without a doubt. As "seasoned" as they are to drinking, they are still affected in their reaction times. Functional alcoholics can seem sober at 0.15, whereas most of us are unconscious at that level, in fact a true alcoholic is incoherent sober, as they are suffering withdrawal etc.

Cravingdairy · 05/06/2016 02:45

Report it. You are doing them a favour. Imagine harming someone through your own selfishness and having to live with it forever - it doesn't bear thinking about. You are doing them a favour.

GarlicSteak · 05/06/2016 03:13

Phone 111(is this the non emergency police number?) for support and advice

The non-emergency police number is 101. Health is 111.

I think this is a very good idea!

I'm blessed with good alcohol tolerance and would probably be safe to drive after the intake you describe, over the given time frame. I wouldn't; I don't drink and drive at all. But it would be very hard, for someone who habitually drinks from lunch time, to completely forgo that drink.

I'm wondering what DH might think of breathalysing them?! If you come out with some old claptrap about a friend being hit by an over-the-limit driver (and the driver being badly injured, for good measure), then say you're so worried that you want to make sure ... so could they keep it down to one glass with lunch and blow into this home testing kit ... ?

It's an idea. I'd phone 101 for a chat, too.

enterYourPassword · 05/06/2016 03:50

If you don't think you're up to reporting them, perhaps buy a breathalyser and have them try it the next time. I have called the police before (friend not family) but I understand why others may not.

I absolutely never drink and drive as it's too easy for one to become two, then three... At the same time, I can half a bottle of wine over lunch and do a good afternoon's work. I know it isn't the same as driving but I don't think everyone would be over the limit on that.

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