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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to my friends child's birthday party tomorrow

18 replies

mizuzu · 04/06/2016 11:47

I brought her something but I just really don't want to go, I can't stand kids parties plus I don't know anyone who is going to be there besides her and her partner. What should I say? or am I being a bad friend?

OP posts:

Gizlotsmum · 04/06/2016 11:51

I never expected childless friends to attend my kids parties. Have you said you will go? Is she hoping you will be an additional set of hands? How old is the child?

Ragwort · 04/06/2016 11:53

Have you already accepted the invitation, it is a bit rude to back out at the last minute but if you feel you really have to then you could drop the present round and apologise that 'something urgent has come up' and you will have to make an excuse - depending on your lifestyle - work/elderly parents/sick relative/whatever sounds realistic.

It's much easier to decline an invitation than worry about it and then look rude - I am often invited to things I don't really want to do - I send my regrets in a pleasant way and still get invited to loads of things .

MrPony · 04/06/2016 11:54

Do you not have children? If not then yanbu, pop round for a cuppa when she's free and give the present then.

If you have kids you are being a bit unreasonable

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2016 11:56

How old is the child? Why on earth are you expected to attend the party??
Don't go.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/06/2016 12:00

If I was childless it would be my idea of pure hell. I would arrange to meet with friend later on and give her the gift.

Original poster

mizuzu · 04/06/2016 12:06

I did say I will go, that is the thing I don't have children either.

OP posts:

Original poster

mizuzu · 04/06/2016 12:07

child is two

OP posts:

Becky546 · 04/06/2016 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2016 12:09

You do not either want or need to go to a two year old's party. Make your excuses and drop off the present later. Seriously.

Hodooooooooor · 04/06/2016 12:11

Don't go if you don't want to.

(ps its bought. Not brought. Because if you don't go you won't be bringing it anywhere!)

Blomme · 04/06/2016 12:13

Unless it's a big journey, now that you've said yes I'd pop in for 45 mins, have a chat with your friend, give the present and possibly ask if she needs a hand with anything. Then make your excuses and go and do something you enjoy. I'm not expecting any of my single friends to come / stay long at my child's upcoming 1st party.

Berthatydfil · 04/06/2016 12:16

The only children's parties I enjoyed were my own so I don't blame you. In my opinion the only childless adults that should go the children's parties would be grown up siblings or aunties and uncles.

Your friend would bvu to be cross with you for not wanting to go unless she is super pfb and thinks all lesser mortals should worship the fruit of her womb in which case your better off not setting a precedent for future events,
It's such a shame you've decided not to go developed a migraine/sickness bug
Give her a gift and apologise and make sure you book your diary up in advance for next year

FetchezLaVache · 04/06/2016 12:19

YANBU. Pop over with present, stay for as long as you can stand it then make your excuses.

I remember being invited to a friend's child's first birthday party before I had children of my own. I was sitting on the periphery with another childless friend, watching in considerable horror as a massive toddler threw sand into the eyes of the birthday baby and another baby while his mother chuckled indulgently about what a free spirit he was, when my friend turned to me and said "Do you think we've been invited to show us what we're missing out on?"

neverAdullmoment79 · 04/06/2016 12:19

Go another time with the gift. Thats what my childless friend would do.

nobilityobliges · 04/06/2016 12:20

Like any social event, it's super-rude to say you'll go then back out at the last minute. You wouldn't have been unreasonable to decline originally, but there's no magic rule that means that normal courtesy is suspended in these circumstances. But yeah, I guess you can make up a lie to get out of it if you think you can get away with it.

neverAdullmoment79 · 04/06/2016 12:22

You could make up an excuse. You are not well etc. Then go another day.

bridget666 · 04/06/2016 13:00

I suppose it depends on how close a friend she is.
If it were my besty, I'd pop in early, offer a hand with last minute bits so she could take off her pinny and freshen up a bit, stay for the first few guests to arrive to let her get things sorted, give her a hug and shoot through.

Janecc · 04/06/2016 15:57

DH and I only ever invited a childless couple to a 1st birthday as it was the only relaxed event and we could actually chat. After that it's less fun for them as toddlers and small children take over - as is good and proper. So I understand. I would think it only fair to make an appearance but not stay for the whole event as you have committed now. I'd let her know though and ask her what time they'll do the cake as you're feeling like a third wheel.

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