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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at DH's constant forgetfulness

40 replies

jellymum1704 · 03/06/2016 18:31

DH is a great father to our 1 year old DS and generally a nice person. He has the worst memory though.He ,constantly forgets to do important things and hates it when I remind him. Today he left the switch on in the morning after using the iron. I noticed it when I got back from work in the evening. Other times he has left coins and nuts behind on the sofa where DS can easily grab them and put them in his mouth. His forgetfulness is a running joke in the family but i seriously want to do kick him ninja style when he pulls off things like this especially when it can harm DS. On a vacation last week he forgot to strap DS on his pram and he almost fell off.i was furious but don't see any effort on his part to be more thoughtful. I'm fed up of constantly double checking after him. I have brought this up several times but to no result.AIBU to expect him to be more careful of his actions.

OP posts:

HighwayDragon1 · 03/06/2016 19:32

I have ms so can really identify with your dh. Weirdly my mind is crystal clear at work, I'm as sharp as a knife, step off site and I'll forget where I've parked my car!

SabineUndine · 03/06/2016 19:34

I used to work with someone like this and as the secretary, I had to run around after them, sorting stuff out. It was infuriating and it was purely because she was selfish. She put all her energy into playing office politics and furthering her own career.

Unless there is a medical reason I would say a lot of people do this because they are used to being catered to and they won't stop while other people run after them.

The problem in your case is you have a child to consider. I would make a point of not looking out for your husband, and telling him as you are now both parents, it's time he stopped expecting to be looked after in this way. If he runs into problems, it's not your problem, it's his.

SabineUndine · 03/06/2016 19:35

sorry, meant to say of course, where your LO is concerned you will have to watch out for anything that might be a danger.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/06/2016 20:49

Could he have dyspraxia? My ds has and being forgetful is part of it. He has improved but if tired or stressed it emerges. He has a formal diagnosis. I think people should be aware that this may be an issue like dyspraxia and not just couldn't be bothered.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 04/06/2016 00:11

It really doesn't sound like a case of can't-be-bothered as he is the one getting the shaft if he shows up at the wrong airport.

Original poster

jellymum1704 · 04/06/2016 08:22

June-birthday,it doesn't seem to be medical as he does seem organised on some occasions that baffle me. I did try to talk to him this morning without getting confrontational but he refuses to discuss. I keep a hawks eye on DS but dread the thought of leaving him alone with DH

OP posts:

tanukiton · 04/06/2016 08:34

I forget when
I am happy, my thoughts get all bubbly
I forget when
I am excited, my thoughts get all bubbly
I forget when
I am tired, my thoughts get like slurry.
I forget when
I am thinking
I forget when
I am concentrating on something.
I am a forgetful person. I DO NOT WANT TO BE but I am now over 40 and accept my forgetfulness. I have to double check the door and my diary so that I seem normal. I do have mild dyslexia. My daughter has the same forgetfulness. I have seen her crying because she just doesn t remember things/objects. I would say if your husband genuinely wants to do the right thing put post it notes on the doors.

Birdsgottafly · 04/06/2016 08:37

It's the refusing to discuss and address it, that's the problem.

OlderMum's list is missing that some people have poor working memories, or overactive minds.

I had to teach myself to fully finish a task and make a mental checklist.

I have stupid accidents and I'm clumsy, but after a few minor accidents when my eldest and middle were newborn, I've learnt to overcome this.

Only at work and when it endangers others. I'm known for being thorough at work, it's either that or I'd be half arsed.

I'm naturally impulsive, which doesn't help.

I'm constantly tidying when I'm at my DDs, because I fall over and spill things. After a soup and tea incident, they leave me to it.

At 48, it still takes a lot of concentration to just do, or rather, don't do, what others do naturally.

I'm super careful around my GD.

He needs to admit he has a problem and think about why, then come up with strategies.

Birdsgottafly · 04/06/2016 08:39

Just to add, I also use my phone a lot.

My DD prefers paper notes.

JessieMcJessie · 04/06/2016 08:50

Perhaps remind him of that father in the US who put his son in the car, forgot to drop him off at nursery, parked the car in the sun while he went to work and came back to find the out little boy had died. Maybe that wil give him the shake he needs.

www.cbs46.com/story/25812472/child-dies-after-being-left-in-hot-car

tanukiton · 04/06/2016 11:35

Waves to Birdsgottafly. I have to have a tidy space or I can t find what i am looking for. I have a beautiful key box for my keys which I may or may no remember to use. I really really want to use but forget ! the best bag i bought had a strap so you attach your keys to it.

it still takes a lot of concentration to just do, or rather, don't do, what others do naturally. This totally.

I wish i could be this. My husband remembers where everything is. To me that is some kind of superpower.

50shadesofTom · 04/06/2016 11:44

Google adult ADHD and see if anything else seems familiar.

Highlandfling80 · 04/06/2016 11:49

Well I forget things and I don't fall into those categories. My head is just so full of stuff and I an knackered. Also menopause but the latter can't be an excuse for your dh!

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 04/06/2016 12:06

Years ago my sister's bf said he couldn't believe someone as disorganised as me could hold down a responsible job and I realised then I'm very different at work from home.
I am flat-out - organised, proactive and on the ball at work but it's as if I can't keep this up 24hrs a day so as soon as I clock off my brain shuts down.
I've forgotten to drop DS off at nursery before but then realised he's still in the back of the car when I got to work. I've also gone to pick him up from nursery when he wasn't there (and scared the life out of the nursery staff who thought he'd gone missing). My sister is convinced I have adult ADHD but I think it's just hard to stay on top of things when life is so full-on so much of the time and you're tired.
So maybe your DH is struggling if he's also got a stressful job and getting up in night. Have no solution sorry but can sympathise!

ErnesttheBavarian · 04/06/2016 14:17

I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD. Your dh sound similar to me in terms of scattiness. I have always been like this. But other people sometimes perceive me as being very organised.

Because the main difference bwn your description of your dh and me is that it is enormously stressful for me to be so forgetful so I have lists and my phone is my lifeline and I work very hard to overcome my problems.

I often leave the iron on and am terrified of burning down the house so now I tend to go back and check 4 times. Being forgetful is 1 thing but he is an adult now and can't just throw his hand in the air and say "tough this is me, I'm forgetful". he needs to grow up and develop some copingcoping strategies. Getting annoyed with you is not on.

Oldest mum, you sound pretty ignorant tbh

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