Wibu to ask for some support

[Standingonmytippytoes]

Dp was at work this morning. He txted to say he was going to the gym which he goes to on average 4-5 days a week 2 hrs a time I told him I'd prefer he didn't because I'd had a long week and I was working all weekend. His response was he'd had a long week too.
In the end he had to come home anyway for a home visit for our sons nursery.

As soon as they were out the door he said right I'm for the gym.
My response was I'd prefer it if you stayed home and gave me some support with the kids while I get the house sorted. Then he started ranting "what do you meat support I do loads around the the house I do loads with th dcs while you have a break"
He then came back and send I'm taking the kids out I didn't want him to take the kids out I want the kids to play in the garden while I get the house sorted and spend some time with. Then then we had a another chat about support and he took them out. 5 minutes later he called to say he was taking them to soft play and did I want to come. Keep I'm mind the sun is shining so I said no I don't want them going to soft play i want them at home. They're going to the beach tomorrow why do they have to be entertained every minute if the day.

So pretty much after my long rambling post. Wibu to tell him not to go to the bloody gym. To spend some time at home that isn't the kids bedtime/ nightmare tired time.

[Standingonmytippytoes]

I did try to leave a few years ago before the dcs. Because of many things he did that I won't go into. He knows that for us to stay together as a functioning family unit there are certain things he can't do. which have nothing to do with this thread
If that makes me controlling then so be it. If he wants to go back to the life he had or feels that I'm controlling him he knows where the door is.
Don't pity him though he was a right knob who's left us financially and emotionally fucked in the past.

[branofthemist]

branofthemist sure why don't you tell me what I wanted.

I didn't tell you what you wanted. I repeated what you said.

You don't have to be controlling. And I would certainly advise him to think about what's going on. It's sounds very unhealthy for all of you.

If he has fucked up in the past, that's shit of him. But you can't live life where you tell him every mover to make and he Has the choice of complying or having to leave. (I assume the house is yours, because if not you can't make him leave)

[Standingonmytippytoes]

You probably need to explain that you want him to do more than half the cleaning/baby wrangling because he works reduced hours.

I don't think I need to explain anything to him.

I asked him not to go to the gym. When other men are out doing a full day of work they are bringing in more income which takes some financial burden off the house hold. When he goes to the gym it's for him.
Don't worry he can start back to his 5 day a week stints tomorrow.

[Standingonmytippytoes]

Although I'm honestly trying to think of ways I do control him... I'll maybe go ask him.

[Standingonmytippytoes]

In fact I'm wondering if he maybe controls me by flying off the handle anytime I suggest he not go to the gym so I stop suggesting it. Hmm...

[branofthemist]

Op I hope you sort out whatever it is you are trying to sort.

You keep drip feeding, it's impossible to give an opinion or advice.

Good luck whatever happens.

[whois]

Your posting style is erratic and I can't really understand exactly what's going on, from the evidence in the thread you seem hard work.

He might be a shit, I don't know.

But on the basis of this thread alone you were being U.

[Waltermittythesequel]

You sound like a right pain in the arse.

And your sarcasm to other posters is unnecessary.

And it's should have, not should of

[ilovesooty]

It doesn't sound as though it's about today at all but about the resentment you're harbouring over whatever he did in the past which you don't want to post about.

[Standingonmytippytoes]

Putting the kids to bed and reflecting upon my day.
If I can start from scratch and forget about my op which is full of he said she said ramblings.

Pretty much today I wanted to potter around the house and garden with the dcs who I've barely seen all week. I wanted my dp home to spend the day with us and some general day to day support. I did not want the kids to go out. I did not want my dp to take them out. In fact was quite annoyed when dp just left with them after our argument about me not wanting him to go to the gym.
He did mention taking them to the park which is round the corner, then decided he was taking them to soft play. I didn't want that because I wanted to spend time with them.
In all honesty I think he was taking them there so he could play the aren't I such a good daddy game.
The majority of the time I don't care if he goes to the gym or not.

And to put your minds at rest without starting something he has more disposable income than I do. Not much more, but more.
I probably am hard work.

I didn't have time to clean the loo when he popped out because I was too busy crying in the garden.
Hoping that clears up any confusion. Seriously trying not to drip feed.
excuse any grammar mistakes I'm tired.

[Kitsa]

yanbu, I don't see why whenever he is taking care of them it should be a fun trip out, why can't he help in the house and with the boring bits too?

[Standingonmytippytoes]

Genuinely why should I wait 2 hours. Why should my days be spent running to his schedule. He gets his way the majority of the time. One day off isn't going to kill him.
The only days he doesn't go is Sunday and maybe Tuesday. Any family outings have to run to his gym times.

[Stardust160]

OP your attitude stinks towards people. There's no need to be rude. A three year old is more than capable of tidying toys away. You sound massively controlling dictating what he does with the children, it's as if you want him at your becon call. If he's such a terrible partner why are you with him? If your in a bad way money wise why don't you go out to work full time and he cares for the children? I've had to work F/T due to DH losing his job at the time. You sound extremely erratic in your posts crying in the garden for 2hours because he took the children out are you suffering from PND?

[Favouritethings]

You sound very difficult op

[Stardust160]

*Pearlman*but he didn't go to the gym he took the kids out. OP wasn't happy because he didn't do what SHE wanted not want the kids wanted or himself. There's being there for your children and then there's been dictated how your them for them.

[ilovesooty]

The sheer resentment you feel is almost tangible.

Do you think your relationship has any future?

[branofthemist]

You say he goes 4-5 times a week and then The only days he doesn't go is Sunday and maybe Tuesday.

So is it 4-5 times a week or usually 6?

Besides which, you could have all done what you wanted.

I think you have posted a few times, not sure if bill thinks you are the same poster I do.

[DeathStare]

This post is all about you. What you want. How you think time should be spent. What you think should be done with the children.

What about what your DH wants? He didn't do anything unreasonable and you are clearly very angry with him. You say he's done some things in the past to deserve this, but this level of bitterness and single-mindedness towards him us destructive to all of you. You either need to let the anger go or let your relationship go.

[Stardust160]

Op was invited to come along what's the problem? She didn't want any family time she wanted to do housework that's not quality time she's trying to dress it up as family time but it's not. Sounds as if she just wanted to boss him about she sounds extremely resentful which isn't good. Also in this day an age it doesn't necessarily have to be the man who goes out to work full time many women these are bread winners.

Most women who are SAHM dp work F/T so don't come in till late so I don't understand the difference in him going to the gym after work if he's hours are short.


OP it's clear you don't like your DP. You could of left prior to your DCs but you choose to stay and have DCs with him it's unfair to throw past issues if you agreed to stay with him.