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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with DH

51 replies

Curiousmum69 · 03/06/2016 07:16

So we booked a weekend away in a caravan back in January. So not like it was short notice.

Anyway DH came home last night and told me that he forgot to book annual leave and only just realised. Now it's too late and his leave won't be approved.

So off he's gone to work today. Leaving me to take our 4 DCs away. He will come up tomorrow and stay one night and then has to come back Sunday for work Monday.

I was really looking forward to a family break. But now I just want to tell him to not even bother coming.

I know people forget things. But this just seems so unfair on us all.the DCs were really looking forward to him coming and my youngest is really upset.

I guess I'll just have to suck it up and go alone. Which will be fine but not what I was expecting iyswim.

Would anyone else's DH just forget to book leave ?

OP posts:

Msqueen33 · 03/06/2016 08:03

I'd be fuming! My DH can be a total man child sometimes but even he doesn't need reminding about annual leave.

branofthemist · 03/06/2016 08:07

If it was a one off, I would suck it up. Still be pissed off but try and not be.

But it's clear it's not a one off. I don't think Yabu to be upset. It sounds like you have 5 kids.

I honestly don't get how anyone can forget to book their holidays. Would he have forgot if you were going abroad?

In my head it's all part of the planning. I couldn't live with someone who was so irresponsible. Because it's all falling in to you.

I would be thinking he did it on purpose. It's worked out quite well for him.

ReggaeShark · 03/06/2016 08:08

"He offered to join us for the weekend" . Was he not disappointed? I would have thought he'd immediately say he'd drive down on Friday night, not make an "offer".

Wdigin2this · 03/06/2016 08:13

I'm sure your DC were chattering exitedly about the trip for weeks before, so...either he just doesn't here them, or he ignored them so he could conveniently 'forget to book leave'!
Sound to me like he wasn't fussed on going in the first place!

whois · 03/06/2016 08:18

I think he can stay Sunday night and suck up his tiredness and drive home on Monday morning bright and early.

AugustaFinkNottle · 03/06/2016 08:19

I think some people do compartmentalise work and home and somehow don't manage to put them together when they have to. I've had this with DH: a couple of times he's been unable to come on holiday with us because he's had something at work which he just can't be away for, and when I've shouted he goes all defensive and says it's not his fault. The trouble is, I know that it is: it's true enough that he can't be away for the commitments in question, but I'm in a similar line of business and know perfectly well that he would have been consulted before they set the date. However, I'm absolutely sure that what happens is that when he's consulted he's in work mode and thinks of work commitments, but it never crosses his mind to check on holiday commitments also. It's really annoying but I've learnt that it's not actually deliberate.

TendonQueen · 03/06/2016 08:26

Agree with whois that he can stay Sunday night and drive back early Monday. Also, he can come down tonight straight after work and be there for the whole of Saturday. He messed up, he can put himself out a bit in return.

SilvaCaledonia · 03/06/2016 08:27

How far away is it?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 03/06/2016 08:56

What a knob! He offered to come on Saturday?! Sounds like he is planning a child-free weekend for himself to me!

RhiWrites · 03/06/2016 09:01

Has he actually apologised?

rainbowstardrops · 03/06/2016 09:15

I'd be absolutely fuming and he'd bloody know it!!!

Did he seems upset at all when he realised his enormous 'mistake'?

I'm sorry but my first thought was that he doesn't want to come away because a few days of peace and quiet is more preferable.

He'd be bloody driving straight after work on Friday and leaving as early as necessary on Monday.

If it's a genuine mistake and he can't realise how stupid he's been then I'm sure that's the least that he would be prepared to do.

If he doesn't agree to that then you probably have your answer.

Original poster

Curiousmum69 · 03/06/2016 09:15

Yes he's apologised. And it does feel genuinely remorseful.

I've just spoken to him and he's going to come straight after work. So should be with us by 8pm. It's about a 2 hour drive. and he's going to leave late Sunday night. Better than him waking me at 5am actually.

His organisation is terrible. I mean it's the first time he's left it this late. But often he leave it pretty late and miss out because some one else has booked off and they are quite a small team. But I try to combat this now by booking everything in Jan so he knows when to book.

Oh well lesson learned

OP posts:

rainbowstardrops · 03/06/2016 10:13

Well at least he's coming tonight now.
I honestly don't know how you all keep so calm when your partners cock up spectacularly - you're all better than me!

heron98 · 03/06/2016 10:20

YANBU. This would really piss me off.

DP is self employed and has the habit of deciding at the last minute that he can't spare the time out of the office for the weekend away we've booked. I always feel really hurt and crushed like we are really low down on his priorities.

cricketballs · 03/06/2016 10:37

Bear - "So why can't you write yourself a note/ set a reminder? Why does another adult have to do the reminding for you? I just don't get it?"

Believe me I have written myself notes, set reminders on my phone etc, but I get so caught up with work that even these don't help! A text from DH will interrupt my thinking and remind me.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/06/2016 10:44

I would also be wondering if he did it on purpose....

When are the rest of you supposed to be coming home? I assume that even if he does come for the weekend he's still getting some nice home alone time for himself next week?

I just can't see how he 'forgot' to book A/L and conveniently only remembered about it the night before you were due to go away despite the holiday being talked about lots in the preceding weeks.

It all sounds a bit dodgy, but then again I am a suspicious person.

timeisnotaline · 03/06/2016 10:59

Honestly, id say that the next holiday or big outing you come on with us is the one you plan and organise to make it up to us and show you are checked into life with us, until then you can stay home. I'd be so pissed off. And yes this would inconvenience me in the short run, it is much harder taking children on holiday on your own, and id resent his relaxing at home but I simply couldn't live with that level of irresponsibility from my partner.

Stripyhoglets · 03/06/2016 11:21

I am rubbish At remembering to do home things once I am in work - but I remember to book my bloody holidays! Can't believe he originally suggested coming tomorrow and glad he's realised and is coming tonight now. He needs to not leave Sunday night until kids are all asleep.

blushrush · 03/06/2016 12:20

I used to be terrible with remembering things. I'd forget birthdays, appointments, everything.

Then i realised nothing was going to change unless I got off my bum and did it myself! Started training myself to make reminders, bought a chalk board for notes, got a diary. (Not saying 'oooh look at me!' Just want to say it can be done)

It's too easy to rely on your partner and think 'well, one of us will be organised at least!'

Sorry for the rant, hope your holiday goes well OP, I'm sure you'll have a lovely time in the end :)

RandomMess · 03/06/2016 12:28

Will work really not let him take even just Monday off? Or the last couple of days by which time you will be flagging

newtscamander · 03/06/2016 12:32

I'm sorry but this sounds really suspicious to me...

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 03/06/2016 12:37

My husband did this seven years ago. I was furious. He did manage to get the time off in the end but I basically told him not to bother.

Difference was although I had five month old twins and a six year old, I also had my mum and sister staying on the same site.

thecatsarecrazy · 03/06/2016 12:49

Uanbu. I asked my dh to book 2 nights away in western super mare. just arrived and check in is at 4. I said can you please just double check u have booked the right week. He rolled his eyes, checked email on phone and said "son of a bitch" and got out of car slamming doors. He had booked next weekend. Thought things were running to smoothly.

Original poster

Curiousmum69 · 03/06/2016 13:33

Oh no! That sounds even worse!

OP posts:

LuluJakey1 · 03/06/2016 16:37

I fell out with DH big time last weekend over him and work and bringing his pressure home.

However, we are friends again and he is trying - always

He has this ego about work that drives me mad and it is as if DS and I have to adapt here so he can maintain it.

I always win with DH because he knows in matters of emotional intelligence I am always right.

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