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AIBU?

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Original poster

Too much golf?

27 replies

Wilberforce2 · 02/06/2016 23:50

I know I probably am bu because he works hard blah blah blah but I'm really passed off!

So far this year dh has had a weekend away playing golf, a stag weekend away, golf literally one day every weekend, one evening in the week playing golf, he is on a golf day tomorrow (all day and then there is dinner/drinks) then he is off to Spain on Saturday for 6 nights to play golf and he told me this evening that he is playing on both the Saturday and the Sunday when he only returns on the Friday morning Angry He won't go away anymore after this until November but he will carry on with crazy amounts of golf right through the summer until the nights get darker earlier.

He couldn't understand why I was so pissed off that he gets back from a 6 night holiday on the Friday and is then playing on the Saturday and Sunday!

Aibu? He works, I'm a sahm, dc's are 7 & 2.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2016 23:55

He couldn't understand why I was so pissed off that he gets back from a 6 night holiday on the Friday and is then playing on the Saturday and Sunday! Does he not want to spend time with you and the kids?

My BIL is like this but then he's an arsehole.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/06/2016 23:58

Yup, that's too much.
My dh is in to his golf, we manage it by him teeing off at 7am once a weekend so he's home round noon, and he takes one afternoon off work a week in summer to play. So it doesn't impact too much. Your do diesnt seem to be considering you or his family in his quest to play golf.

Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 03/06/2016 00:06

He doesn't consider us at all, it's as if it takes over his life as soon as Spring rolls around.

MrsTP that's exactly what I asked him this evening and he said of course he wants to see us and that's why he is at home all day on the Friday, I guess after 6 days away one day with us is enough.

He asked me to pack for his holiday tomorrow as he is out all day/night and then got the hump when I told him to piss off and pack his own stuff. I told him he shouldn't be playing tomorrow if he is away on Saturday but it's "an amazing course and he couldn't say no". Oh and he is going shopping tomorrow morning early for fucking golf shorts!

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 03/06/2016 00:16

YANBU. That's too much. Turn it around on him. Would he be okay with you you spending the same amount of time playing soccer and socialing after matches with your team-mates leaving him with sole care of your children? Does he think you are "doing nothing" when you are at home with them? Has he ever done your role for a few days with no support?

He can't be doing much with his small children. It's a bit sad and you have my sympathy.

flappingbingowings · 03/06/2016 00:19

Any golf is too much golf It should be illegal

Rainbowqueeen · 03/06/2016 00:19

Yep too much.

Work out how many days he has had away and tell him you should be able to have the same before he is able to go away again.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/06/2016 05:18

Whenever these threads come up its always golf or cycling. They are almost designed to use up time that men could be spending with their families.

Do you have day-long hobbies?

CallMeDollFace · 03/06/2016 05:23

That sounds very selfish. He could be (perhaps subconsciously) avoiding a bigger issue or just be a terrible twat. Your children are far too young to be putting a hobby above their needs, never mind yours.

YANBU.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/06/2016 05:37

That's too much yes. He sounds very selfish, and frankly, dull

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs · 03/06/2016 06:39

Yeah that's way too much time away from home. he's clearly a very selfish person. i'd come down really hard on this and start issuing some ultimatums. i would down tools, stop facilitating him and doing stuff for him. you might be better off without him in the long run actually. let him eat his own golf clubs.

coco1810 · 03/06/2016 11:39

Wow as a fellow golf widow YANBU, he is being a twat! My DP has four days away in April but seems to play EVERY freaking weekend. I ended up losing my shit at him, and told him very plainly that he was missing out on everything with his kids and they would end up resenting him. Now he makes an effort to have family time before golf and is far more considerate. When he plays golf, me and the kids go on a day out, and when he has his golf hols we have an absolute blast. Something after school and we eat out every night.

Why are you staying at home, take the kids away for a weekend. Ale some memories with the kids and tell DH its golf or the family. Stand your ground!

VoyageOfDad · 03/06/2016 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatildaTheCat · 03/06/2016 12:26

I really hear you. My dh loves that bloody golf club more than life itself I sometimes think. However,mhe isn't quite as bad as your dh and we don't have DC at home. Luckily for me he couldn't afford it when they were young.

I would actually start to impose some boundaries because I can't really see any at present. And yes, agree with taking some time for yourself. It does feel crap, though that they seem to prefer being there rather than at home.

Don't get me started on how long it takes from 18th hole to home....Angry

Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 03/06/2016 13:06

Thanks everyone, feel a bit better now that I know I'm not actually BU! Golf today started at 12pm but he left home at 10.30 as he needed to buy some shorts in the golf shop, won't be back until 9pm tonight then is being picked up at 3am to go to the airport. I do t want to argue before he goes away but I am going to talk to him when he gets back (if he is in the house for more than 5 mins) and tell him he can't carry on like this, he is acting as if he is single and has no responsibilities.

Coco we definitely don't sit around all weekend, I take the kids out and about on my own or with friends but it would be nicer if he could come along especially as it's easier with two pairs of hands!

A friend is having drinks and lunch tomorrow for her birthday at a local pub and yet again I'm going to be there on my own with the kids because he is at golf. It just means I can't relax completely because I have to keep an eye on the 2 year old!

Matilda that's exactly how I feel, he loves the golf club more than anything else. I almost wish we couldn't afford it! You're right about the 18th hole because even after they have played for 4 hours it's never acceptable to come straight home Angry

OP posts:
coco1810 · 03/06/2016 17:05

Wasn't having a go Wiberforce, sorry if you felt that way Blush. My DC are a lot older which does make weekends easier (apart from the hormones Shock) to deal with. As for the clubhouse, I have been known to phone the clubhouse and tell the steward to inform him his Sunday Lunch is in the dog!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/06/2016 17:13

If I'm doing my maths right he has 10 days off and is choosing to spend one of them with you. Is that right? While you look after the children alone...

jelliebelly · 03/06/2016 17:19

YANBU he is being s selfish prick. Bottom line he would rather be playing golf than spending time with his family...

Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 03/06/2016 21:15

Coco no I didn't think that at all, sorry! I absolutely love that you have phoned the golf club before that is brilliant.

Yes we get 1 day out of 10 that he has off of work, it's quite sad isn't it. He has just arrived home and is now packing clothes and is in and out of the garden sorting golf clubs while leaving the bloody door open, it's freezing. Oh and he didn't say goodbye properly to the kids this morning because he "forgot" that he wouldn't be seeing them before he goes tomorrow Angry Another golf day is on the calendar now for the Tuesday after he gets back, apparently it's a last minute arrangement and I can't moan because it's for his mates Dad who has just been diagnosed with Cancer. He is right I can't even moan at that!

Definitely having words when he gets back from Spain.

OP posts:
BatLetRat · 03/06/2016 21:30

My husband plays golf a lot too. Every other weekend he plays both days and the other weekend he plays one. He plays an evening in the week and goes away for a week every year.

The difference isn't I couldn't care less. We don't have young children (they're older) and I enjoy time alone. He's not selfish - he just loves golf. He's a great husband and I don't believe in trying to stop him doing stuff

I would, of course, feel differently if I was being left with the childcare of young kids but from my perspective it's fine with me

Iizzyb · 03/06/2016 22:36

Sounds like my dad when we were growing up. Then when he was older & not so well he was so put out that me, dm & dsis had our own lives & interests & didn't want to drop them to spend more time with him.

Such a shame because he missed out on all the fun when we were little.

Luckily dgp's spent a lot of time with us instead.

I'd be amazed if he ever changed.

On the plus side he was always fab when it snowed!! Smile

Carnelcat · 08/09/2018 03:04

I'm not a mum but my boyfriend of 2 yrs is a golf fanatic. When we first met he played golf 5 days a week but lost his job. This year he plays half as much but what angers me is I'm out of work too. We rarely get to go out and do so cial things as he's usually broke but he can come up with 200 bucks to golf out of town for 2 days. He's cutback on beers too. So today he called he's going to his nieces wedding it's just family and said gmged like me to go but I'm still sick. The other reason is he's not giving her a gift! Th n he's going jamming. Then tomorrow and Sunday he's going to a tournament out of town he's borrowing money to play he has a rich brother. The thing is he's 51 and amateur and most likely won't get much better. He's also trying to start a business and ice helped him. I also have not met his family yet so going to that wedding would be uncomfortable for me...I keep being told I will meet them but it has not happened. I don't know what to think. I've been very sick and was in hospital 2 times and he did not come there but he waited in his car fir me. Once home I needed help as I live alone he did not offer to help me. He's great in many ways. He's a guy eho never married order lved with a woman do i would say selfish in some aspects but he grew up with 5 siblings ..

MistressDeeCee · 08/09/2018 03:44

Not even any time factored in for a family and social life together.

A selfish and dull man. What on earth do you talk about on the rare occasions you spend together - Golf? 😴

& Carnelcat you are flogging a 51 year old dead horse

maras2 · 08/09/2018 05:23

2 year old ZOMBIE thread.

NelleB · 08/09/2018 06:55

We have this issue. It’s a demanding hobby, full days out of the house. My DP is welcome to it when we retire but when we both worth full time, have two weekend days off a month (we have DSC the rest) and have a baby due any moment it’s just not happening.

Carnelcat · 08/09/2018 16:33

He says he loves me but won't move in with me, won't get married. He claims it's cause of his arthritis Injections that govt pays for 500 a month which means he has to stay on disability and in Canada you can't live with someone if your on that if other person has good income they cut some of their money..

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