to ask anyone who's DP works night how they cope

[pouncehill]

DP has got a new job working nights. It's been really difficult for him trying to find a new job after he had to leave his old one (due to a tragic accident).
We have a DS who will be a year old in two weeks.
I'm living at my mums right now but we are a matter of weeks from moving into our new home together.
I'm totally fine doing the night shifts with DS and having him so DP can sleep during the day.

My biggest problem is my complete irrational fear of being left on my own at night time.
Because I'm living at my mums for the time being there is always someone here. There have been a few occasions where I have been on my own (with DS) during the evening and into the night a bit and it completely scares me. I always end up in a big mess and someone has to come home.
I do suffer from anxiety so I can see how this will effect the way I feel.
I'm so scared about DP working nights and me having to be on my own from 10pm until he gets home in the early hours. Just the thought of it makes me feel so sick.
DP knows how bad I get but I've encouraged him to take on the job as he's getting down in the dumps not being able to work.

How do you cope if your DP works night shifts? And AIBU to be getting so worked up over this?

My dh is abroad a lot so I'm on my own with my three under three most of the time - oldest still wakes at least once a night, youngest about twice a night middle one is a dream thank fuck and sleeps through. It's hell, someone's always been left to cry for at least 10 mins whilst I sort the others out but all in all it works out ok :)

I've just remembered I used to invite friends over to watch a film/ take away as well that helped break things up a bit.

Yes, to leaving a landing light on all night and a torch by the bed is a good idea too- I did that too but had forgotten about it until this thread!

You'll be fine, a change of routine is always difficult but you will get used to it

My dh works away quite often and when we first got our own house I was terrified the first few weeks. I was so scared of someone breaking in I used to leave the kids toys on the floor under the window and by both doors so if anyone broke in they'd make a racket and wake me up. I don't know why it made me feel better and looking back I can see how daft it was.

I still don't like it when he's away but you soon get used to it, in fact I hate sharing the bed sometimes when he's been away for weeks and then has a stint at home .

I have a huge long handled torch by the bed incase of a power cut, I leave the bathroom light on all night and do as pp do and put the bedroom tele on about half hour before I go to bed and leave it on quiet all night to mask any noise from outside. Normal night time noise freaks me out sometimes when I'm on my own because I'm a big wimp I have an over active imagination.

You do get used to it quickly though and when you've got dcs in the house too, even when they're tiny, it's much better than when it's just you (unless you're seven year old goes to the loo in the middle of the night and scares the hell out of you banging about).

We got a dog. She's a massive coward but still made me feel safer tbh I always wanted a dog it was a good excuse

I double lock doors, keep hall light on & find that I sleep much lighter. DP works away weeks at a time

What is it you're afraid of OP? I'm afraid of 'the dark' and generally being alone at night, the thought of intruders etc isn't an issue for me but if we knew it could help with suggestions!
We have a landline with 2 handsets, one lives on the bedside table (you don't need a phone port, just the main one and the second handset runs off that. I made DH buy one of those lamps that respond to noise so I could clap if it was dark and I was scared to get a light on (he bought a cheap shit one, it was quickly discarded). I have a torch by the bed and a box of various torches/ candles/ tealight holders in a Box That Is Not To Be Moved in a place that is easily accessible. We have security lights at the back door which are like the Blackpool illuminations which have been very carefully set up so cats/ foxes can't set them off but so I'd know if someone was at that door (they're on a switch inside so we can turn them off during the day/ when we're away). We have a battery powered, rechargeable lantern in the bathroom so I can leave it on and not have to wait for the light to flick on. Low energy bulb lamps I can leave on in the kitchen/ hallway overnight if I need to and won't be a fire hazard. I'm far less afraid now I have DD than I was before because I've had to mum up and go in to her dark room etc even if I'm shit scared and that's really helped!

My DP works 12 hour nights and i actually prefer them to the day shifts now (you can spend time together awake rather than asleep). But i have awful anxiety and sometimes it's really hard but you do get used to it. I used to play on video games so i wasn't thinking about it but now it's eased off a little. The worst part is just if you hear "a bang" or there's something going on outside or the kids wont go the fuck to sleep

I always leave the hallway light on until he comes home and knocks it off, have my phone fully charged and under the pillow (once i couldn't charge it and found that made me panic so much more) and keep something close by that makes me feel safer definitely isnt a hockey stick

Mind you the fact that i have a 7ft python in my bedroom makes me think most burglars might be more scared of me haha! Do you have a dog/pet or feel comfortable getting one? I find that my cat/dog makes me feel so much more at ease when i'm alone

I think you'll do great OP, you'll sleep through most of it :)

I wasn't keen but got used to it fast and enjoy it now.

I get a bit lonely when Dh is away and sometimes worry ds will get sick but I've honestly never been scared.
What are you afraid of OP? Will you live in a dangerous area? Or completely isolated? Where we are there are neighbours but never any trouble on the street. I lock my doors and feel totally fine.

DH works two nights out of eight - I love it! Peace, quiet and I can do what I want. I always have the TV on as I go to sleep - nothing remotely scary allowed, usually Frasier or Drop the Dead Donkey.

I turn my laptop to bbc radio and listen to a play or a talk programme on their Listen Again facility. I keep the sound very low and somehow I nod off.

It is very unlikely that any harm will befall you so don't run to meet trouble.

My Dh does a week of nights every now and then. I find the first night the worst as I stay awake til the early hours panicking. The next nights are a breeze though as I'm so tired from the 1st night.

Agree with PP, get the upstairs etc ready in the light so you're not doing it in the dark, shut the curtains before its dark enough to see your reflection in the window (I get freaked out by what might be behind me!), tv on timer or lights on all night. It does get easier.

Thisismyfirsttime I'm scared of intruders mainly!
I've stopped watching horror films and documentaries about serial killers etc as it would keep me up all night, petrified I was going to be butchered in my sleep.

Not nights but hubby does a shift pattern of two days then two nights then four days off. Rinse and repeat.
I think I just got used to the nights when he's not here and now son is four I think we have just got into a rhythm

When I first experienced the night shifts I found I would be quite jumpy.

I actually got a dog because I didn't like being alone. We already had cats but they buggered off every night leaving me alone.

I used to leave random lights on around the house and bake/read/do a fit ness dvd to help me fall asleep.

Now (after 25 years) I hate it when he's home at night. He takes up all the space in the bed (he actually thinks he's entitled to half!) And he talks through all the period dramas I watch on tv and huffs when I prop myself up with cushions on the sofa while wearing pj's and he believes its still not late enough for bed

You will get used to it. Eventually it becomes normal and you will start wondering how you ever managed to share a double bed because theyre clearly only made for 1

Well, you could just as easily be the victim of a serial killer or burglar if DH was with you! (perhaps not helpful, but my DH worked nights 6 nights a week for 9 years - a bit scared the first couple of nights, then totally fine)

BMW6 that's true but at least if DP was there I could use him as a distraction whilst I run away

My DH works a mixture of days and nights and I found the night shifts very hard at first.

I miss company in the evening and help getting the children to bed.

I used to feel scared in my old house but that was because of stupid neighbours. I don't anymore but I take extra care making sure doors and windows are locked.

I've got a pretty good routine going with the dcs and as other posters have said I'm shattered by bed time.

(I also love having the bed to myself sometimes! )