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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this kid wasn't my responsibility?

49 replies

HighwayDragon1 · 02/06/2016 16:30

There's a craft shop in my local town that put on workshops for kids during the holidays. The staff set up activity and then leave the parent with child / children to attend the shop, there's only two people who work there. This is made clear at the beginning of the workshop. Crafts can take anywhere between half an hour to two hours depending on what you do and how carefully your kids do them.

So I'm helping dd in workroom, a woman and her dd came in and had activity shown to them when the staff member left the woman sat her kid down and walked off. I was busy helping dd so didn't realise at first she'd left. Half an hour passes, the mum still awol. We finish our craft and go into the shop to pay, I was about to tell the woman on the till this kid was in there on her own when the mum came back into the shop. She saw me at the till and demanded to know where her daughter was. She was literally screeching at me that I should have been watching her kid that she was only 5 and how could I leave her?! I was open mouthed, as was the shop assistant. The woman went to see her dd who had paint all down her (duurrr!) She came back into the shop and told me this. I told her her kid was not my responsibility and if I'd have known that she was only 5 I'd have called the police (girl was very big I'd have put her at 7ish)

We then left, I could hear her ranting at the shop assistant as I left. Who leaves a 5yo with a stranger and assume they'll watch them without a word? Who then has a go at said stranger for not watching the kid?

The woman is batshit yes? I can't report her to anyone, I don't know her name and only know the kids first name. Unless store has cctv?

OP posts:

CigarsofthePharoahs · 02/06/2016 17:36

The craft retailer I used to work for ran similar things. We were constantly having to explain to parents that it was not a source of free childcare, they had to stay with the child not dump them and browse the shop or even vanish to another shop. A lot of people thought this was really unfair. I wondered why it was so many people seemed quite keen to leave their young children in the care of a total stranger.

bloodyteenagers · 02/06/2016 17:40

Leave my child in my house whilst I pop into another room for a few minutes.

Leave my child alone in a store with random people for at least 30 minutes.

Yup I can totally see the similarities there.

Anyway op. No excuse at all. You don't drop your child and run. You talk to people first. You introduce your child to people. You ask if it's something you don't need to be there for, what time should I come back?

eurochick · 02/06/2016 17:45

I agree with others - she must have thought you worked there.

Abraid2 · 02/06/2016 17:59

*Leave my child in my house whilst I pop into another room for a few minutes.

Leave my child alone in a store with random people for at least 30 minutes.

Yup I can totally see the similarities there. hmm *

Did you mean to be so aggressive? That wasn't at all the point I was making, bloodyteenagers. My point was that the five-year-old could only have been by herself for about five minutes max in any case, unless the shop and workshop were huge/separated by a courtyard.

sockrage · 02/06/2016 18:00

This sounds soo like the lady last year who left her four year old with me because she was chatting to my much older daughter and was found having gone to her hotel room to relax...

228agreenend · 02/06/2016 18:05

The op stares that it's made clear at the beginning that it's not a supervised event, and parents are expected,to stay.

Also who leaves a child without leaving emergency contact details?

Also, it was probably obvious that op wasn't a staff member, if she was attending to her own child

The kid was definantly Not your responsibility. She was the responsibly of her mother, and no one else. The mother was totally out of order shouting at you and the staff.

Surely you would know,if you were going to a local activity that it wasn't supervised. Supervised activities tend to be paid,upfront, not at the end.

expatinscotland · 02/06/2016 18:24

'OP, she clearly thought you worked there. You should've just said, 'Sorry, but I'm not staff, I'm here with my DD'

Why should she? Not her fucking problem or responsibility.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/06/2016 18:38

What the actual fuck. The cheeky brass necked bitch.
A massive YANBU
. I think that will be unanimous.
Ranting and raving like a fucking Demented banshee asking where she was, well had she stayed at the activity with her DD. She'd have known where she was.

And this is no disrespect , but the you could have been anyone, as we all could be. You don't dump you child on a stranger..Not only is it hugely and Royally taking the piss. It's also very careless.

TheKingArrives · 02/06/2016 18:57

Expat We know it's not her responsibility. The point is this woman was screaming and OP needed to have made her point VERY succinctly, to put silly woman in her place. The fact she kept on screeching and was unapologetic to OP shows she still didn't grasp the fact OP did not work there.

expatinscotland · 02/06/2016 19:01

OP had no need to do anything at all, much less say, 'Sorry' or explain her situation. Not her problem or responsibility to do either one or establish that she didn't work there. That's the woman's responsibility. Who cares what the fuck she thought? Telling her she'd have called the police is more than sufficient.

Lilacpink40 · 02/06/2016 19:38

I worked in a fashion shop in my early 20s and one day a woman came up screaming in my face that she hadn't been stealing anything and how dare I stare at her. She had 2 terrified looking DCs with her. I hadn't even noticed her, but was serving customers near the door so perhaps looked like I was watching the door area. I questioned myself afterwards and could think of lots of things to say, but the truth is when someone unfairly rants in your face the natural reaction is shock. Hope you're ok OP as this wasn't your fault!

TheKingArrives · 02/06/2016 21:37

Expat You're missing the point, but that's fine.

expatinscotland · 02/06/2016 22:05

Um, no, TheKing, I'm missing what in your opinion is the point, but that's fine, too, since you're not the OP, it's not really for you to affirm what the point is. But here, have a .

TheKingArrives · 03/06/2016 13:08

Expat So long as you feel better. I'm all for peace.

expatinscotland · 03/06/2016 15:03

Nah, you're all for trying to prove you're right. I find your passive aggressiveness amusing, though, so please, carry on. I'm bored. Have another , too. It's just unfortunate sweet foods don't make people sweet. The world would be a much better place.

ronjo · 03/06/2016 15:13

Expat be crazy

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/06/2016 15:22

Abraid - the differences I can see between you leaving your child in another room at home and this woman leaving her child for half an hour or more in an unsupervised craft activity are these.

Firstly, even when you are in the other room at home, you are still listening out for your child - you know you are still responsible for her. In this case, no-one in the shop knew they were responsible for this child - she could have wandered off, out of the shop, without anyone noticing - because people would assume another adult was watching her. The OP might have noticed - but it wasn't her responsibility.

Secondly, your home is probably a safer place for a child than a craft shop - there are unlikely to be strangers wandering round your home, and it would probably be far easier for a child to walk out of the shop an for your child to wander out of your home unnoticed.

Thirdly, when you leave your child playing in another room, you are not leaving them with strangers.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/06/2016 15:26

Expat - you are right that the OP didn't have to explain to the mum at all - but I guess it is a natural reaction to want to defend yourself when unjustly attacked, as the OP was.

Yukduck · 03/06/2016 15:31

I pity the poor child of this woman. There is nothing nicer than doing things together with your children at that age. The child was left alone to try out new crafts, sad really.

What was so very urgent she needed to leave the shop for 30mins? A leg wax? Wart removal? Quick game of on-line bingo? A quickie?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/06/2016 15:49

Even if she thought you worked there, which I think is likely, it would have taken seconds to have said "Now Jennifer* this lady is going to show you how to do crafts, make sure you behave yourself and do what she tells you, I'll be back in 30 mins", giving you ample time and chance to say "Err no, actually, I'm not going to do any of that as I'm here with my DD and not a staff member so don't you be leaving Jennifer in my care!"

*Random name I've chosen.

Poor "Jennifer". If she was only 5, she was probably scared and confused as well!

abigamarone · 03/06/2016 15:53

Even if she thought you were a member of staff, that's just as bad. No checking her kid in, giving contact details or anything? Batshit crazy.

bloodyteenagers · 03/06/2016 15:55

abraid how is it aggressive to point out you leaving your child in a room a home where you are. And leaving a child alone in a shop for 30 minutes is so ridiculously different?

Supervised child in own home in a familiar room for 5 minutes.

Unsupervised child in a place for 30 minutes when the mom has left the building. Surrounded by strangers.

Tell me where are the similarities because I clearly missed them.

deathtoheadlice · 03/06/2016 16:05

Always easier to think of what to say after the opportunity's gone. "When you left your DD unattended in public, with no word to anyone that you were leaving, you communicated that you didn't think she needed care and would be OK on her own in public"! .

RitchyBestingFace · 03/06/2016 18:24

I don't know why my comment got deleted - it was supposed to be a joke about the 16 year old craft volunteer thread although I guess out of context it wasn't clear (and I think that thread got zapped...)

Apologies OP, it wasn't supposed to be rude to you. And clearly you are totally NBU.

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