Crimes Against Food (WIBU to LTB?)

[BigDamnNCFail]

As I was tidying up after the kids last night DH asked what the plan was for dinner. I told him what I'd planned and was pleasantly surprised to find he went to sort it with only about 20 a couple of questions about ingredients etc. Gave me a chance to give the floor a proper clean (with two young children and four pets it gets disgusting pretty grubby).

This morning I treated myself to the extravagance of two a croissant for breakfast...only to find it tasted of garlic. I figured out it was the butter that had a garlicky flavour and can only assume DH used a knife to get the garlic out of the garlic press last night and then used the same knife for butter.

Then, later on, I got the cheese out to make the boys cheese on toast for lunch and was met with this ridiculous sight!

Should I LTB? Or can you MNers come up with some sort of cruel and unusual punishment?

Oh dear God - I've just realised I didn't put 'lighthearted' anywhere in the title or OP! I'm going to run and hide!!

What kind of monster would do that to an innocent block of cheese?

Actually teenage DD would . . .

That cheese thing would drive me insane.
I don't even like it when it's been grated an angle and not put straight.
And I would LTB immediately!

WTF? Did he bite it? Or break it off?

Kill him.

You think you have problems op? Dp went to buy coffee last week and came back with this!!!!

You definitely need to LTB MTPurse!

That's not coffee, it's floor sweepings!!!

My heart goes out to fellow MNers who also live with food and drink savages.

Picnic, I believe he broke off some to grate it because it's 'easier'.

MTPurse, I have never liked coffee but even I manage to buy better coffee than that!

What sort of fucking caveman would break the cheese like that?!

Mmmmmm, garlicky croissants. New pregnancy craving ahoy.

Without knowing what your DH likes and dislikes it's hard to suggest a suitable punishment. Marmite stirred through his granola/porridge, perhaps?

Bill, garlicky croissants with jam are not nice. Luckily, I was eating them the way my mum taught me by breaking off bits and putting a little butter and jam on each piece so I was able to get new butter out and the whole thing wasn't ruined.

Now I think about it DH also used to nuke croissants in the microwave with butter on top and eat them like that. I've married a complete barbarian!

Coconutty, you what?? But what about when the next person to use the cheese tries to slice it or grate it in that state??

My God do they still make that brand? Haven't seen it since uni days. Vile stuff.

With jam you say? Mmmmm.

I think you need to carry on letting us know your DHs misadventures. They sound nice to a pregnant lady. Maybe you can send him round to mine to whip up some sort of cheese, garlic and Nutella baguette or some such?

Found this in my fridge once. No mistaking how that chunk made its way off the block.

I LTB.

Ooh my best friend used to get The Rage when we lived together if I scraped the butter in anything other than a neat, smooth way. Chunks out would result in her freakishly lovingly evening it out with a knife. She'd have your DH under the patio by now OP

I know how you feel though. I cohabitat with a heathen who uses the same knife for multiple condiments. Talk to me when your toast butter has traces of horseradish in it

My DP bought a big bag of garlic powder and decanted some into a small pepper pot but didn't bother telling me. I thought it was white pepper and sprinkled it all over my cheese on toast. Not impressed.

Mellow Birds & Camp! When I did Domestic Science at school old glimmer we had the opportunity to 'host' two of our favourite teachers to afternoon tea. Mellow Birds & Camp was the 'coffee' choice.

My DP is a terrible food criminal. Left to his own devices he feeds the children things like 'sausage soup' which is a tin of tomato soup containing cut up hot dogs.

Once when we were camping, he boiled himself some noodles with a chunk of sweaty abandoned cheese from the car. He was in bed by 9pm after being heartily sick.

Went to a picnic once with a group of acquaintances. Everybody brought something to share. There was a dish which looked like pasta carbonara. I took a spoonful and literally puked there and then. It was PASTA with SUGAR and NUTS

The mixed up knife thing is a major crime in my house. Esp as I'm veggie and hubby isn't, took him a good while to be fully trained learn the importance lol.

But the cheese thing was my favourite thing to do when I lived at home. My mum is major ocd with things like that...

I had a flat mate who ate sweet corn in raspberry jelly.....her explanation was the it was sweet corn 😳
DH has been known to cook an egg butty but he adds fried grated cheese and pickled onions

I made a large shortbread heart for Valentines day. The previous day DH had made garlic bread with the DC. You know what it tasted of.

Bill, since you're pregnant I'll forgive you your grossness. If I think of any other strange combinations that have arisen as a result of DH's kitchen laxness I'll let you know!

Busy, I'm also veggie and I think when DH ate meat he was much better at watching out for cross contamination because he knew I'd kick him out if didn't These days he has converted to vegetarianism and doesn't seem to bother anymore.