to think that "lets go out for your birthday" should focus on the preferences of the birthday person?

[Babyjanesbabysister]

I am not a big birthday person. I dont expect the world to stop because I got another year older. However, I was invited out by a friend tonight to celebrate my birthday (which was actually last week but tonight was the only night we could both make) and it was clear that she had a plan based around what she wanted to do.

I have IBS so I cant eat certain foods and she booked a "surprise" meal at a restaurant she loves but she knows I cant eat at. Imagine going to a French place and reacting badly to garlic or a Mexican and being allergic to chilli. Then the drinks afterwards were are a bar that specialises in a certain type of drink that again gives me a bad IBS reaction.

I felt quite tearful, which I know is a OTT reaction, but I had made a real effort thinking that tonight was (for once) just what I wanted to do and it clearly wasnt.

I wouldnt have cared if there had been no invite, no birthday night out, but she made out that it was for my birthday and then it wasnt. I even bought something special to wear. When it is her birthday then it is all about her and what she wants, yet tonight it was about....her and what she wanted.

I was home v early having eaten next to nothing and drunk OJ after thinking of steak and fizz :( She has the hump that I came home early.

AIBU and precious?

PS namechanged just in case

Ynbu bogey, that sounds shit!

I have food allergies and it's awful going somewhere you can't eat or drink anything, especially on your birthday!

My friends did this to me once organised a suprise night out to see a show I'd never heard of - I don't really like the theatre/shows, turned out to be the organisers favourite show ever! I had to sit through the whole thing pretending I was having a good time so I didn't upset her

people are just a bit shit sometimes. Happy birthday

TBH, even if it was MY birthday, I wouldn't arrange a meal with a friend at a restaurant she couldn't eat at. Your friend sounds a bit wankous.

Your 'friend' was totaly thinking of herself. She knew you couldnt eat there but she fancied it! Not what a friend does at all.

I really wouldnt have been sat there with some dry salad for my birthday 'treat', sod that. You should have said "Oh I cant eat anything in here we have to go somewhere else" and if she refused you should have said "Oh well enjoy MY birthday meal" and left the selfish cow.

Honestly sometimes I despair of people.

Go out with someone else and have a great time (DO NOT invite her)

we had relatives like above. My late df had coeliac disease and his dbro and dsis kept buying him biscuits for Christmas. My dbro is diabetic and same relatives bought him a box of chocolates each year. Some people refuse to think!!

YANBU, a belated happy birthday

I still don't understand why you didn't say I can't go there because of my IBS/don't want to go there sorry/can we go to X instead/let's move on to X after this one etc etc? I don't get why there wasn't some way of changing venue either before or during the evening?

Because I didnt.

H also helpfully told me what he would have done/what I should have done. It didnt change the fact that it was history or the fact that she clearly didnt actually give a toss about my birthday and was using it as an excuse to go somewhere she wanted to go.

Ok but you've come on here asking if you're being unreasonable. You are because you had every opportunity to change the evening. I'm sorry you had a shit time and your friend is undoubtedly selfish but you need to stand up for yourself next time.

I am not good at that, not everyone is. I did try to say that I wasnt happy with the choice of venues but basically got ignored.

I asked if IWBU to think that a birthday celebration night out (Which is what I was told it was) should be about the preferences of the birthday person, not whether I should have said anything.