Arguing Neighbours

[Snow123]

Hi, First post but been lurking for a while, in a bit of a conundrum - more of a WWYD.

We moved into our house a month ago and our neighbours constantly argue - or more our male neighbor constantly shouts at his wife- because I'm at home all day I hear it and honestly it is a lot of the time- it starts at 5am and the shouting is regular until fairly late (only stopping for short periods or if he leaves the house) we've seen him but not her- he's probably 50-60 years old. When he shouts I can actually hear what he's saying and sometimes it's pretty aggressive 'I can't do anything fucking right/ you never fucking wash/ you're disgusting'. We can't really hear his wife that often shouting back.

I asked the previous tenants if they always argued and they said he was deaf and just to ask him to keep it down. The thing is I could accept that if he wasn't being aggressive with the shouting.

I don't really know what to do - I don't really want to address it directly with him as I said he seems quite aggressive and I don't think it would necessarily do anything - I am worried that the lady is quite vulnerable and could potentially suffer from MH problems (Just from what we have overheard)

I hate the idea of a possibly vulnerable lady being verbally abused day after day but I also don't want to over step the mark and get involved in something that's could be said isn't our business and potentially sour neighbour relations... I absolutely hate listening to the shouting all day it really does affect my mood and I'm also expecting a baby and I'm worried they might report any crying to try to get back at us ( I have a history of depression/anxiety so may be massively overthinking this)

So basically I guess I am asking would it be unreasonable to report it or should we just accept they may have a volatile relationship? If we were to report it who would we even report it to?

Unreasonable behaviour such as this can be reported to local council/housing association. Is it poss you can have a word with the lady when the chap is out and voice your concerns?

Sounds awful, I'm unsure but you could either speak to your local authority (social services) or call 101 for advice.

You can contact the Adult Safeguarding team at your local council

We had this in our previous home - we moved. Sounds crazy but for 2 years we complained to the council, did the noise recordings, wrote them letters and had face to face arguments with them - they received warning after warning but nothing ever happened.

Not to mention our other neighbour suffered from night terrors and once had to ring his wife at 4am at work to go home and wake him up as he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He wouldn't wake up after knocking on his front door and battering the bedroom wall.

Once we had the baby that was it I was out, having your newborn woken up by the C bomb at 4.30am tipped me over the edge.

I hope you get some peace - if your worried about the lady the council will be able to help just let them know when you call them.

If it was me in the situation, I wouldn't really say anything as it is none of my business. I've also had pretty dire experiences with the social system in terms of them never taking action, so wouldn't trust that anything would get done if I did report it.

I think if it sounded like it was getting violent, then I would report straight away.

Thanks for the replies I didn't even know any one had said anything so sorry for the delay... we've found out from our other neighbours that the lady hasn't been seen out and about a few years and there are definitly mental health issues involved. We've hit a bit of a dead end as adult services can't get involved without a referral from the police and I don't massively want to be calling the police around... It's getting a bit more worrying as she's left the gas on a few times when her partner is out and he's come home and gone off on one about it to her. Just at my wits end - we've just entered into the contract and it took so long to find somewhere I really don't want to have to move again but also can't stand the idea of living with it!

Jayner182- that is exactly what I'm dreading, I really do not want to bring my daughter up thinking the behaviour/noise/language of next door is normal!

I'm surprised by what you say about social services not taking action without the police referring. It sounds like there is reason to believe that a vulnerable adult is at risk of harm through verbal/emotional abuse (at least) and as such the local authority need to investigate. They may or may not involve the police but should accept the information from you and you definitely should report it to them.

It's horrible to think of her being subjected to shouting and aggression day in day out and who knows what else might be going on. At the least it sounds like he's not coping.

Yes I was very surprised too- I spoke to them yesterday and they said they couldn't just go round they had to be referred from the police?! It does sound like an odd way of doing it as we're not trying to report a crime but more of a vulnerable person at risk. We called 101 and they said they'd look into it so hopefully something might come of it (trying to be positive) I just can't bear listening to it all the time day and night!

Ok well done I think that was the right thing to do. Personally I would phone back social services tomorrow say explicitly that you have a safeguarding concern about a vulnerable adult then if they won't take down your concern directly, ask them clearly if they are saying they don't wish to record and act on your safeguarding concerns about someone who may be being abused. Hopefully for this couple a safeguarding alert might be the starting point for them getting more support.

Does your local council have a family support team? They maybe able to help in a more delicate way and could also refer to SS. The gas issue is clearly problematic if you're a semi or terraced property. When I initially read your post I wondered whether he had an issue (dementia or similar) and why your not hearing the wife, but your additional posts clearly suggest he probably doesn't.