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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, not asking DH to evening wedding reception?

30 replies

HaveNoTimeToThinkOfName · 31/05/2016 22:39

Just mentioned to DH that I and female colleagues (work in a nursery) have been invited to a childs mums wedding in the evening. We were quite surprised we had been asked as don't know her any more than any other parents, but at the same time chuffed she felt she wanted to ask us. He thinks it is odd that I am contemplating going as never spoken about her before and weddings should be with partners if you have one. AIBU? I hadn't thought it was odd until he said and I'm now doubting it! I was just seeing it as a night out with work colleagues I guess!

OP posts:
Mummyme1987 · 31/05/2016 22:41

I would check with your boss first, many places would not allow this.

Mummyme1987 · 31/05/2016 22:42

But that aside yes it's strange not to say and partner

Only1scoop · 31/05/2016 22:43

Yanbu

A lovely evening with your colleagues....we still have lunch with dd old key worker she is now 6. Adores him.

Only1scoop · 31/05/2016 22:44

I don't think it's strange In this instance that your dp isn't invited.

Hassled · 31/05/2016 22:45

I've been to the evening wedding do of colleagues where it was only her colleagues invited and no plus ones - that's not unusual, I don't think. And it's nice that the parent thinks enough of you that she wants to ask you.

MrsJayy · 31/05/2016 22:47

Make sure she doesnt want babysitters Grin but going on your own is fine we have both been to evening Dos on our own

edwardcullensotherwoman · 31/05/2016 22:47

Why would your dh be invited? I'm assuming you've been asked as a group? If it was an individual invitation to you then I'd expect a plus one, but if you only know her through wirk I don't see it as odd.

SanityClause · 31/05/2016 22:48

It is quite usual to invite people without their partners to the evening do, if you invite them as part of a group (so, you and your colleague) and if you don't know them all that well.

For example, people from a workplace or sports club may well be invited together, but without partners.

Why would your DH want to go to the wedding of someone associated with your work, that he has never met? Confused

MrsJayy · 31/05/2016 22:49

Im still in touch with Dd1s nursery nurse she was fantastic when i was ill and pregnant with dd2 she helped me a lot but she feels ancient Dd is 23

Rainbunny · 31/05/2016 22:52

As you are the only one to know this mum and not that well I think it is fine, you and your colleague will be able to enjoy it together. I do think in general that it's polite to ask the couple but your dh has never even met this woman.

As for it not being allowed in some places, that seem's like an excessively rigid prohibition! I've been invited to three client weddings and also colleagues' weddings. It's a bit sad that going to a client's wedding might be seen as inappropriate intermingling of professional - personal relationships. PC employment rules gone mad if you ask me!

choirmumoftwo · 31/05/2016 22:54

I've been invited with DH to the evening reception of a work colleagues son, who I've never even met! We're not going for several reasons, but mainly because I feel as though we'd just be taking advantage of total strangers! I suppose the invitation was kind but still think it's a bit odd.

Welshmaenad · 31/05/2016 22:56

My DD's nursery workers came to my wedding reception, she wouldn't let the poor buggers sit down all night, kept dragging them into the dance floor! Wear comfy shoes!

ImperialBlether · 31/05/2016 22:56

I can't imagine a situation where staff at a nursery were barred from attending the wedding of a parent! Why on earth would they be?

And why should husbands be invited? You're not joined at the hip when you're married!

TheCraicDealer · 31/05/2016 22:58

It's not weird at all to not invite partners, especially when you're going with a group of colleagues. I don't get why people get precious about this sort of thing- yes it used to be the done thing to invite spouses, but back in the day you'd probably know both of the couple. Now with people having uni mates who you actually stay in touch with through social media, people being more transient generally, both partners equally likely to be working, etc you know more people and aren't as likely to be acquainted with everyone's significant other. Coupled with the fucking extortionate expensive cost of catering for guests at weddings compared to years gone by it's not feasible to always extend the invite to plus ones.

DP has friends at "home" whose weddings he's been invited to but I haven't. I wouldn't begrudge them the opportunity to have someone there they're actually bothered about just so I could be go when chances are I've never bloody met them.

Mummyme1987 · 31/05/2016 23:00

Where I worked we would be on a warning if we had done this. Not allowed to have parents on Facebook either. Was in the contract. Private nursery.

Mummyme1987 · 31/05/2016 23:02

I thought it might be a standard thing, but saying that my old boss was a bit of a law unto themselves!

Originalfoogirl · 31/05/2016 23:07

Not unusual at all. Don't see why your husband thinks he should have an invite. We've both been to plenty of work related stuff where there were no partners.

NewLife4Me · 31/05/2016 23:49

Mum says to child "who would you like to look after you during the evening when we will all be dancing. Child says nursery nurses.
Mum thinks I'll send an invitation.

Or mum thinks wedding costs are running away, some free childcare I'll invite nursery nurses.

GreaseIsNotTheWord · 31/05/2016 23:53

I don't think it's strange, it's quite standard IMO.

When we got married, any couples we were friends with were both invited to the day.

The evening invites went to some of my mums friends, a few school parents who we knew and groups of work colleagues - but none with partners.

A plus one when you don't know their partner is for a really good friend IMO.

IrishDad79 · 01/06/2016 02:35

I'd rather do anything else than attend a wedding party of someone I didn't know, so personally I think your dh has caught a break here and should be grateful. However, to turn it on its head, if your dh WAS invited and he said "nah, yer alright", you might be a bit pissed off too.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/06/2016 07:45

I think it's a weird dynamic either way tbh. You are neither colleague or friend.

If she were a colleague of yours and you were invited as a group of work mates then it would be perfectly fine not to take partners. If you were invited as a friend i would think it might be more normal to take your DP with you.

However you know her in a professional capacity, invited in a group, and that makes it all a bit odd.

heron98 · 01/06/2016 07:47

I don't think it's odd.

DP has gone to a few weddings of acquaintances I've never met - why on earth would I want to go and watch some strangers getting married?

Trills · 01/06/2016 07:51

It is quite usual to invite people without their partners to the evening do, if you invite them as part of a group

Agreed.

TheNaze73 · 01/06/2016 07:52

It's not odd & YANBU. Time with friends is so important & equally as important in a healthy relationship

Sukistjames · 01/06/2016 07:56

My first thought was free babysitters too! Grin

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