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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Object to DH drinking

35 replies

katienicnac · 30/05/2016 20:59

Me and my DH have been together for 17 years, married for 6 of them. Our Children are 5 and 2. When I met my husband as a teenager he was a competitive skier and kept it up until our eldest was two. He never drank for all the years he was competing and had a very strict diet. He never showed any interest in drinking.

Ever since he has quit skiing competitions, he has started drinking a few glasses of wine, at least 4 nights a week. He doesn't get drunk, but he is noticeably quieter and I don't like it. He has also put a little bit of weight on. I bought this up with him and he just laughed and refused to stop. I married a non drinker! AIBU?

OP posts:

NewStartNewName · 30/05/2016 22:33

So you expect him to keep the body of a competitive skier forever?!? Clearly this was going to change when the skiing stopped!

As for the wine, he's doing no harm, if I were him I'd tell you to do one!

Gabilan · 30/05/2016 23:00

He's not going to maintain the body and the habits of a competitive skier over the course of 17 years. But I'd be a bit wary OP. A few small glasses of wine and some non drinking days are fine. But it could escalate and I'd worry if it did.

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2016 23:16

Christ Vino that's an awful lot of projection right there.

He has 2 or 3 glasses four nights a week.

If the OP isn't happy with that, she has every right to mention it but he has every right to continue with his fairly moderate wine drinking.

Wolfiefan · 30/05/2016 23:20

Depends. A couple of small glasses 4 times a week. 3 nights dry. Ok

My glasses are mahoosive. Three glasses is a bottle. Do that several times a week and I would be on my way to cirrhosis!

Can he do without it? Is he choosing alcohol over other things? Is he stroppy if he "can't" drink? Is it affecting his life and relationships?

BTW. Not seeming drunk isn't a comfort. It may mean you have drunk so much you have developed a tolerance.

CoolforKittyCats · 30/05/2016 23:25

So you expect him to keep the body of a competitive skier forever?!? Clearly this was going to change when the skiing stopped!

^ this.

MissElizaBennettsBookmark · 30/05/2016 23:28

Depends how big the glasses are. Ours hold almost half a bottle if you fill them. I don't.... But my DH would if I let him. 2 or three of those nightly would be a problem IMO...

TawnyGrisette · 30/05/2016 23:39

at the judgemental anti-alcohol post from some who's chosen to call themselves VinoTime!

OP if I were your husband, I'd tell you to fuck right off stop treating me like an errant child and stop being so absurdly controlling.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/05/2016 00:59

This would make me twitchy but only as my dh (RIP) was an alcoholic

He started off a few beers every other night to eventually a bottle of vodka a day - I didn't know how much he was drinking :(

Candlefairy101 · 31/05/2016 02:55

OP, really think it depends on your life circumstances. I love going out and and a drink with friends, I also wish my husband was more social like me!

But I don't like alcohol at home. Reason being my dad is an alcoholic, I live with him and still watch him drink everyday. He used to be extremely violent while drunk as well, thank god no longer. He has had a drink everyday in the house since we were kids so we really didn't know any different growing up, but I hate for my kids to have to see their dad in this way.

sykadelic · 31/05/2016 02:58

YANBU to feel the way you feel.

Ultimately the man you are with now is not the same man you married. You feel like he's moved the goal posts and you're just supposed to role with the punches. There are some things that are benign (to me, gaining a little weight isn't a big deal), and there are some that are a huge deal (for me, smoking, drugs, religion, out every night with friends and yes, drinking).

When you pick your partner you pick based on certain aspects and for you it seems the main one is his beliefs. He went from a man who was healthy, took care of himself, didn't drink alcohol, to a man who drinks.

You need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you, or whether there's a compromise that can be reached (say, 1 glass a night). If think if he didn't change so much into this quiet persona you wouldn't have as much of a problem with it.

So talk to him. Tell him how much it's bothering you and that you don't want to control him, but that it's making you uncomfortable because of X, Y and Z and if he feels he HAS to drink can you come to a compromise about it.

Good luck!

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