Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Starting to get frustrated with dsis

26 replies

NeedACleverNN · 30/05/2016 20:10

My niece(5) had a birthday party in Saturday and I've still yet to receive any form of thank you for her gift.

There was no time at the party because it was a proper disco based party so lots of people, lots of gifts. There was a table that all the gifts were placed on and I made sure I taped the cards to the present so that dsis knew it was from us. Still nothing.

We are a bit uneasy at the moment with each other after Christmas tbh. Dsis bought nothing for my two dc for Christmas. She then avoided me at all costs. I was hurt but understood. She had just had a new baby so didn't have much money. Fine. What annoyed me more is that she never said thank you for the presets I bought dniece or dnephew. I had given them to my mum to give to dsis because she lives 30 mins car drive away and we have no way of getting to her.

It's starting to really irritate me and makes me wish I don't bloody bother. But I can't. The children are innocent and don't deserve to be caught up in all this

OP posts:
exexpat · 30/05/2016 20:13

Saturday, as in two days ago? They are probably still recovering from the party.

EarthboundMisfit · 30/05/2016 20:14

Christmas...she was probably embarrassed. Not excusing it, but might explain.
Recent...it's been two days of a busy weekend. Give the woman a chance.

Welshmaenad · 30/05/2016 20:15

It's been 48 hours on a BH weekend. Chill the fuck out.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 30/05/2016 20:16

We also helped tidy up the hall after the party and I looked after her baby for half of the party so she could get on.

She's already been on FB. Would it really kill her to drop a message and say lovely day sat. Btw xxx loved her present

OP posts:
Numberoneisgone · 30/05/2016 20:20

There will be loads who agree with you but I would not expect a thank you from siblings, we have a v good relationship so no big gestures needed. I think you are being really unfair about Xmas if she had just had a baby.

Nannawifeofbaldr · 30/05/2016 20:32

In the 13 years since my niece was born I have never had a thank you note of any kind. I very occasionally get a verbal thank you.

They get a written note, originally by me, now by the DC's for every gift.

It's one of these social shibboleths which divide people. It's important to me that we say thank you properly, I'm much, much less bothered about receiving thanks back.

I certainly wouldn't withhold gifts. It's not my niece's fault - her parents haven't raised her to say thank you.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 30/05/2016 20:36

Prehaps my sister is one of those who think thank you are friends and not family.

She will go out of her way to say thank you to a friend for a gift.

OP posts:
DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke · 30/05/2016 20:40

It is annoying. I have spent years sending birthday and Christmas gifts, Easter eggs, contributions towards special school trips or events and rewards for competition wins and exam successes. I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a 'thank you' from either my siblings or their children.

It rankles a bit. I don't have DC and we don't buy for adults in my family. I don't give to receive but seeing as they will never need to fork out for me, I find it a bit frustrating that they can't even take the time to say thanks.

CatchIt · 30/05/2016 20:40

If it had been a week or 10 days, I'd say YANBU but it's been 2, you need to give her a chance to get over the weekend and be able to write any thank you's.

I once received a thank you from sil 3 months after Christmas, so I understand how annoying it is.

ilovesooty · 30/05/2016 20:47

YANBU

A text would have taken a few seconds.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 30/05/2016 20:51

YANBU. But is this common for her? My sister has never thanked me for a present for my nephews, even when I have handed to them right there. She didn't say thank you back when I used to buy her presents either. I hate it as it's rude but I have to put up with it.

I find a lot of people don't say thank you these days, ever. Sometimes I swear manners are becoming lost in a day and age when it takes 20 seconds to type a text saying "thanks for X's present"

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 30/05/2016 20:52

Never used to be common for her.

We used to get on ok. I'm not sure where it all went wrong really

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 30/05/2016 20:59

Maybe she's getting your niece to write/ make thank you cards?

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 30/05/2016 21:41

No chance. She's not that formal.

FB/texts is about as far as it would go with her

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 30/05/2016 22:09

I would've probably sent a text to thank you if I was her. Don't write her off yet though, and try not to dwell. I wonder if she feels awkward because she can't reciprocate the gifts?

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 30/05/2016 22:47

She can now

Her financial situation has improved massively since Christmas (just bought a new second hand car for £1000)

OP posts:
leelu66 · 30/05/2016 22:51

If she doesn't give you presents for your DC! then I personally would stop getting presents fo her DC. There is no law to say nieces and nephews have to get presents.

I didn't get presents from my uncles and aunts as a child (unless I had a party) and I don't think I particularly cared.

How did your DC feel about not receiving gifts from your sis?

Lovelydiscusfish · 30/05/2016 23:51

May be cross posting with other, but isn't she probably getting your dn to write the thank you cards? This takes lots of time with a preschooler (think your dn is this age?) imhe. Dd has just written her last thank you card, to my db's DP, to be presented to db to pass on to her when he comes over tomorrow. It is a full six weeks after dd's birthday. I'm not at home with her as work full time, so with one thing or another it has genuinely taken this long to get her to complete all the cards.

Gide · 31/05/2016 00:00

Give her a chance, it's been 2 days! Saying that, I stopped sending my db's DCs money, which I had to change as they live abroad, cos I never had a thank you and asked my dsil if they'd got the money one time, to get a cursory 'yes, why?' type answer. Stop giving presents!

Mumberjack · 31/05/2016 00:13

YANBU

MyNewBearTotoro · 31/05/2016 00:22

Gosh. I never send thank you cards for my DC's gifts and I've never received them from any of my friends children either. Remember writing them out as a child (and hating doing it) but didn't realise this was still a thing. Blush

I'd expect a thank you when handing over a gift or acknowledgment it had been received when posting a gift but if I left it on a present table, and thus knew it had been received, I wouldn't really expect a thank you text/ note etc. I'd probably just ask the parent if the child liked the gift next time I saw them.

Clearly me

VenusRising · 31/05/2016 00:33

Stop giving presents if they don't even acknowledge them.

I'm rather old fashioned, and no "thank you" card means they hated the gift, and don't feel like thanking me for it, so I don't bother after that.

Buy presents for your own DCs if you prefer! One bitten twice shy and all that.

GarlicSteak · 31/05/2016 00:55

Why can't you just ask her to say thank you? Confused

Or if you're a beating-about-the-bush family, ask her if the gift was OK.

Iflyaway · 31/05/2016 01:11

(just bought a new second hand car for £1000)

What has this to do with the fact she hasn't acknowledged your gift within a few days?

If she doesn't tend to put the same importance on politeness that you do, forget it or you will be running yourself around in circles for evermore.

Annoying yes, but there are more important things in life. Just accept she doesn't have your lovely manners. Smile

citychick · 31/05/2016 02:44

I would be feeling frustrated after about a month. 2 days? I would be delighted!

Thank yous are not on everyone's radar, these days.

We were raised to write thank you letters, and I make DS do it.
SIL on my side rarely writes notes of thanks, for anything. dB does it on behalf of the kids. she's spoilt and grabby

But I don't want kids to lose out so keep buying gifts, knowing I may never get thanks.

You could go fishing for thanks? I do that. Thru my DM. "Did DN and DN get the gifts we sent? Haven't heard..."

So mum digs too on my behalf ( she's knows what I am up to ) and a short while later a note may turn up.

I like the etiquette of thank you writing. But I do thinks it's a disappearing habit.