... because I feel like dying.
DH and I have a dd age 6. A really tough cookie. ADHD/ ODD/PDA. DH blames me a lot for working when DD was younger and brings all her issues back to my "absence". I thought I was doing something positive for the family and thought I had DH's support - DD was at nursery then reception so really I was only "absent" for about an hour at either end of the day.
Fast forward. I gave up job and am now at home. DD is very difficult. DH never sets boundaries. I feel I have to compensate and am always the bad guy. DH says he is lax because I am strict. And so we go round in circles.
This morning DD pinched me really hard and hit me during an aggressive outburst - also threw stuff and slammed the door. At the start of the outburst I tried to remain calm and but she kept going on and on and ended up hitting and pinching me very hard on my leg. I lost it and ended up shouting. I know. I'm not proud. DH (nearby) claims not to have heard any of this. I asked him to have a word with her. He spoke to her but didn't mention anything about her hitting and pinching me. I said that he should have told her it was inappropriate to hit your mother. He said that it was "not constructive" to say that. I said so the message you are giving her is that it's ok for her to hit her mother. And bingo, later on when he was out she hit me again. She has hit him too before now but he always lets her get away with it.
I am so upset - she is totally messed up and confused. I have tried to say to DH that we need to be on the same page about things like this. I understand he was unhappy that I shouted but in her eyes I think he should support me in saying that it is unacceptable to hit your mother (or anyone). And that he should talk to me privately about being calmer or other advice about how crap I am as a mother I should handle things. He said that he would never support me as long as I shouted. He also said a lot of other deeply personal and hurtful things about me. I feel like I am always the bad guy. I feel like there wouldn't be this divide and I wouldn't feel so pressured if he supported me more in handling her.
He says she would be calmer if I didn't shout. Yes. Perhaps. But she does have other issues - like ODD/PDA. And perhaps she wouldn't hit (so much) if she understood - from both parents - that it was inappropriate.
I feel like I am a single parent dealing with all this on my own. And I can't handle it. I love my DD like mad and everything I do centres around her but I feel like I am a shit mother and that she would be better off without me.
Is it really all my fault?