To tell dsis that it would her fault DN was hurt?

[Sherlocked1606]

Me, DH and DSS moved in to our new house Friday. The house is lovely and doesn't need much doing expect a paint if we can be bothered.

It has a big garden in which the previous owner had a swing set, shoot and pond. As DSS is a teenager we weren't too worried about the pond so haven't drained it or covered it.

DSis has 2 lively children under the age of 5. DSis is very lax in discipline and lets DNephews do what they want. Both mine and DH's family wanted to come over to help with the move but we asked them to leave us until we are settled. We are still unpacking.

DSis has turned up unannounced when I was out. DH let her and the 2 kids in. DH told her not to let DN in the garden as it's not safe.

I got home to DSis screaming at DH and DSS as DN 4 fell and cut his head. Thankfully it doesn't look to bad. Apparently DH went to the loo and DSis let the kids out into the back garden and then stayed inside. DSS noticed they were out by looking out his upstairs window. DSS shouted DH, then both went down stairs to DSis. Dsis was annoyed that DH told her off for leaving the boys outside on their own. DSS went outside and that's when he discovered DN had cut his head. He may have tripped on the path.

DSis blamed DH then me. She started shouting which upset DNs and DSS. Once I knew what happened I said she shouldn't have let them outside and she should have been watching them. DSis thinks that as she is a guest, DH and DSS should have been more aware that DN could have fallen outside. This is even after DH told her about the pond and not to let them out. DSis has now taken DNs home.

I have had phonecalls from DM and DBrother saying we have upset dsis. I, DH and DSS need to apologise. Aibu to not want to apologise and that DSis was at fault.

Every step of this was her fault. Do not apologise.

YDNBU. She was told not to let him out as it was dangerous, but she chose not to listen. So yes it is her fault.

Does she think the world is going to stop turning if she instills a little discipline now and then. Erm it won't hurt, I promise.

She can bog off! I hope you gave your side of the story to your mum and brother!

Have the family only heard her version of events?

She sounds like an absolute moron and I'd be telling everyone what actually happened ASAP.

im sorry Dsis didn't supervise her own children while my husband was on the toilet

or im sorry dsis decided to come over against my wishes and go to an area i expressly told her not to

im sorry you feel the need to fight a grown woman's corner when she doesn't have a leg to stand on

im sorry dsis is irresponsible with her own children

just about covers it

Fuck her. I hope you told your mum what actually happened.

Does she always delegate care of the children to other people when they are around? DH's cousin does that and I can imagine her being the same. Another adult in the house = they can watch the kids.

I wouldn't apologise and I'd also be telling the other people keen to get involved that in fact SHE should be apologising to your DH for yelling at him and to you both for spoiling your day in your new house.

Fuck her indeed. Dont have her or her spoiled brats in your house ever again.

I'm with abbsismyhero in that a carefully worded apology is the way to go. How long do you think it would take your DSiS, DM and DB to realise the apology was far from an apology? What would their response be as the actual words used sunk in?

I agree there has to be a backstory here. Does the rest of your family usually defend her stupidity in instance like this?

My sister still does that annoying "Muuuum, tell her!" thing and she's 45. I now refuse to listen to any passed-on messages. If she is old enough to voice a complaint then she is old enough to do so direct instead of asking her mummy to speak for her. the major benefit of this is that my sister doesn't speak to me at all now. I win!

As for the garden, it was entirely your sister's fault. She was told it wasn't safe, she disregarded the warning and as a result the child was hurt. She should be thinking herself lucky that the accident wasn't far, far worse.

Apologise for what, letting her in the house?
My apology would be -
I am really sorry that sister is so bloody deaf and unable to listen to simple instructions of not to come and then on arriving to not let her children in the back garden as its not safe. I am also very sorry to learn that my own family are such a bunch of enablers that fail to see the error of her ways and are forcing me to dish out this ridiculous apology. Tell her to not come to my house. It is unsafe for her children especially when she is incapable of supervising them, which of course I am sorry for.

Have now worked out who this reminds me of. OP, your sister is Denise Royle (as is yours, Zippy

'No, DM and DB, I won't apologise for DSis's inability to supervise her own children despite being explicitly told that the garden was unsafe for small children. If you're passing messages on, however, please could you remind DSis that she is bloody lucky that she only has a child with a cut forehead and not, as was perfectly possible given her stupidity, one or two drowned sons?'

I'm trying to imagine the circumstances in which a parent P phones up an adult A to protest about the treatment of their adult child B, rather than B doing it themselves. Is B perhaps suffering from severe learning difficulties, so is unable to use the telephone? Perhaps they have severe mental health issues, or are otherwise vulnerable? Perhaps they have been suddenly and without warning posted on an undercover mission far away, or following a difficult incident in the Blackwall Tunnel are now in a decompression chamber dealing with the bends?

Because otherwise, the logical conclusion is that B is a pain in the arse and P is enabling them, and they both need to be told to fuck off.

YANBU.

To the next flying monkey relative that calls to wade in to this event:

1. She was told not to come round until we had finished unpacking and sorting out. She ignored this.
2. She was told not to let the kids into the garden because it wasn't safe. She ignored this.
3. She was told that she would need to watch the kids. She stayed inside and didn't bother.

And you want ME to apologise? No.

End of conversation.

DSis and DBrother have always ran to DM to fight their battles. DF was the only one that didn't entertain then. Unfortunately he died some time ago.

I did say she was their mother so act like it. and that I'd never had left DSS outside on his own at that age. I've known DSS since her was 3.

DSis smirked and went to say something probably about how DSS isn't my real son so DH loudly announced to DNs it was time to go.

I've had a text from DM asking if we have apologised yet? I texted back no hell hasn't frozen over yet.

DSis thinks that as she is a guest, DH and DSS should have been more aware that DN could have fallen outside.

This makes no sense. Not does your reference to the pond. He fell on the ground, which can happen literally anywhere he walks. Why would she think it was your DH's And Dss' job to prevent him falling, and err how exactly? What does the pond have to do with him falling?

There is more to this you arent saying.

MrsSpecter - Did you actually read the OP? The pond reference is to explain why the garden is not safe for a young child to be out unsupervised. The sister was told this but let the boys out anyway one of them was hurt.

Yes, actually read it.

MrsSpecter I too thought it was pretty obvious from the OP that she was mentioning the pond as it was her main source of concern and why her DH told her not to let her children outside (pond = drowning, in case you missed why a pond is dangerous).

OP's sister's children were injured due to the OP's sister own negligence (not a simple accident, she was told the backyard was unsafe and she let her children out there unsupervised anyway). OP is being told by her mother that she should apologise because her sister was upset. Sister is an idiot.

*YANBU.

To the next flying monkey relative that calls to wade in to this event:

1. She was told not to come round until we had finished unpacking and sorting out. She ignored this.
2. She was told not to let the kids into the garden because it wasn't safe. She ignored this.
3. She was told that she would need to watch the kids. She stayed inside and didn't bother.

And you want ME to apologise? No.

End of conversation.*

This, but I wouldn't text, I'd phone so the point is driven home more clearly. Your dsil is an idiot.

Yes i see that now. Still something not being said. The sister's reaction as presented by OP are unnatural. As in, it doesnt make sense that thats what she would say/think.

MrsSpecter I mentioned the pond as DSis knew it was there. She knew what was in the garden prior to her coming over. DH reminded her that the garden isn't completely safe for young children.