MIL safety issues

[Milwoes]

Hi. I have 2 very small dc, and 1 helpful and friendly Mil. However, she is very lax about safety. In her garden she has a large pond at ground level, uncovered. She regularly looks after her other young grandson, and recently admitted to me that when he's in the garden she watches him from indoors to make sure he's safe. He hasn't been walking all that long.

I told dh I don't want the dc at hers without one of us being there, but I know he wants to have a day out without dc, and mil is only option for babysitting. He definitely thinks I'm over-reacting.

I know everyone will think I'm being unreasonable to say no to her having them at hers, especially as sil obviously doesn't have a problem with it.

What can I do?? AIBU to not let her have them? should I relax about it?

Hire a childminder / nanny / babysitter and go out and enjoy yourselves. Don't even mention this event to MIL and warn your SIL. Any standing water (even a puddle) can be dangerous to unsupervised small children.

I think you are DNBU. How can you enjoy a day out with your DH knowing that your children are potentially at risk.

My parents have 3 huge ponds. As soon as I was pregnant my Dad made a removable fence. It is halfway down the garden and is bolted onto the fence one side. It then unrolls and posts go into hole in the grass. These holes are covered with pretty flower pots when not in use. it then bolts on to the fence on the other side.

My parents also didn't allow them out there anyway with out them. My boys are 13 and 9yrs now so the fence has not been used in a while.

Oh...and I would be mentioning it to the SIL too. At least then if the worst happens and her child falls in, you have a clear conscience about it all.

How about printing off a few reports about children drowning in ponds and the short space of time it takes to get it through to all concerned that this is not you being over-fussy?

Tell your SIL, please.

My brother's MIL lost her second child as a toddler - he drowned in a water butt.

Despite that she was still lax with safety when she had his children over when they were small - no seatbelts "it's only a short distance", no bike helmets "they don't like wearing them", no suncream "it's too messy" etc etc. Fortunately they're all teenagers now & can look after themselves.

Small children can drown in the bath. I'd be showing her some news reports about such incidents and insist that she cover up the pond. And the watching a toddler from inside the house what the fuck is she thinking, lazy, inconsiderate and stupid.

Please , please tell your SIL , you have no choice

That would be a real worry to me TBH, sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Watching him from inside too? Things happen in the blink of an eye, she's being too lax.

Tell your sister in law NOW.

Can you imagine if that was your child - just started walking tottering about near a pond. That is one of the most awful and stupidest things I have ever heard on here.

I would be absolutely furious if that was my child and you didn't tell me.

No, don't let her. I think I'm a fairly reasonable parent but it's not worth the risk.

And I agree tell your sil. It's just so dangerous.

You are not being over-sensitive, your dh is being under-sensitive. This is a totally avoidable disaster waiting to happen, toddlers drown regularly in a couple of inches of water and they don't call it 'the silent death' for nothing.
Stand your ground! Hugs!

Yabu for not saying anything to your SIL yet. Yanbu to not want MIL to be alone with your children. Plenty of people of my parents' generation are very aware of safety and the danger of ponds, medicines being left around etc. Age is no excuse. I find that people like your MiL were like that when they were young as well and your Dh was just lucky to not have had an accident.

Oh, and since your DH was raised that way, it explains why he's under reacting and doesn't really get it.

Suggest your DH makes a rigid cover for the pond. I wouldn't want small children anywhere near a pond; they are deathtraps. Even if MIL was out in the garden, it only takes seconds to reach out for something, slip, bang head and drown in shallow water.

Get your DH to watch Mermaids with you. It's a great Winona Ryder/Cher film, and near the end the little sister nearly drowns while unwatched.

I would never let this woman alone with your kids. No explanation needed!!

I'm terrified of water and children - it's my biggest fear. I wouldn't be taking child around even if I was there with a pond that wasn't made safe

Oh and tell your SIL too then you've got two sides saying the same. Fwiw bi money would make me use her as 'childcare' with that attitude ... Ever!!

Similar happened in a family I know. The pond had a fence round it but the toddler tripped and her sudden weight against the fence meant that it gave way. Her DM was in the kitchen and took a few seconds to sprint straight out the (open) back door and grab her DC. Fortunately all was OK, but it really shook them up. They cleared the pond, gave the fish away and had it filled in within the week.