To think that I'm a complete and utter plank?

[soapydopeybubbles]

I have been in my new job for a grand total of two days and I've already ended up being sent to A&E. This would be embarrassing enough but:

A. I'm a nurse and so had to sit in the waiting room in my uniform whilst all the other patients looked a bit confused.

B. I have now been sent to A&E whilst at work in every single hospital I've worked at.

My list of current injuries include:

Giving myself a concussion while helping out a colleague.
Breaking my nose on a piece of equipment and having to use a blue plastic ice brick from someone's lunch box to reduce the swelling.
Being hit in the head by a confused little old lady armed with a deceptively heavy handbag.
Getting a ring wedged on my finger so tightly that my finger slowly turned purple.
Breaking a glass vial into my finger and cutting it so deeply that you could see bone.

Am I just a complete prat or is there anyone else whose work health and safety record looks worse than mine?

You poor thing!

makes note never to visit Soapy's hospital while she's on duty

Hahaha! You should write a book series. No one would ever believe it!

I can see it now Haggisfish 'Diary of a Dorky Nurse'

I'm sure it would just fly off the bookshelves

Today was the stuck ring TwinklTwinkl The least serious of my injuries so far but not any less embarrassing. Fortunately A&E was almost completely empty so I was in and out in 15 minutes and straight back to work.

I had a former colleague that had so many accidents that no-one would eg travel in the lift with him within our own building. He told us once, bemusedly, that he'd gone by ferry to the Isle of Wight and all of his travelling companions took up position by the lifeboat for the entire journey. (I'd have done the same.)

You're not alone.

I'm watching a Doris Day movie on BBC2 and you sound a bit like her in her klutziness

Oh no! Arghh, I feel for you!

My career advice - do not become a stuntman/woman.

Fortunately I'm not so accident probe that people try and avoid me cozietosie

However, after breaking my nose I did have a health and safety poster written about me which was prominently displayed on the ward. It didn't have my name on it everyone knew it was about me

I think you could write a chick lit novel about a clumsy heroine and make a mint!

I once realised the accident book at work had a page full with only one name listed mine

My finest hour was managing to fall down the stairs approximately seven minutes after I had returned from maternity leave, and spraining my ankle pretty badly.

Not an accident, but I also once vomited in a client's house on a visit. In a different client's house, I accidentally broke a very expensive item by falling against it.

I sound really professional don't I

I think some people are just like this. I was explaining to my boss recently that we have the local hospital's post code stored in our satnav for the popular British holiday county we visit regularly because DS1 is so accident prone. It continues to amaze us that (touch wood) we've never had to take DS2(8), as we were at our home one so frequently with DS1 until he was in school that the triage nurses knew us & would greet us with a cheery "weren't you just here a fortnight ago?" There's a probably a fat file on us somewhere. You'd never believe how careful and safety conscious we were.

A person in the year above me in college caused an extra line to be added to the already strict H&S rules.
"Nobody is to put scissors in their pocket"
due to the fact she'd sat down - and then needed them surgically removed. was it you?
I was the plank who managed to sew my own finger with one of the industrial sewing machines though.

Cigars I promise it wasn't me.

However I did once lose a pair of scissors in my breast pocket (covered by my sizeable norks) only to find them again when I got too close to the MRI scanner. They (the scissors not my norks) shot through the scanner at speed and crashed point first into the wall, narrowly missing the MRI technician.

He was (understandably) not pleased

Soapy - I'm surprised your employer doesn't have a special line in their risk assessment matrix just for you.