Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think she should just go back to working in the office?

80 replies

SweetElizaRose · 27/05/2016 13:26

Dh now works from home (unless he's travelling away which is probably 50% of the time but supposedly going to decrease). He does have an office he could go to but he says that because most of the people he works with are now in different countries there's no value added by going to the office and he may as well stay at home.

However since I had dd and am at home too he's got increasingly aggressive about us making any noise. We are basically confined to the living room with the door shut. He had come down to the kitchen just to get a coffee and was still on a call. I went in to get dd a bottle and he made a throat slitting motion and mouthed 'fuck off.' In having to creep around my own house. When ds (6) gets home it's even worse. I have to remind him in the car every day that we have to go in the house quietly and go straight into the living room.
Sometimes - if on a particularly important call - dh will come down first and say not to let dd cry. How?! It's making me really stressed out.

Aibu to think he should just work from the office if we are that much of a problem? We are hardly noisy! It also means I can vacuum / clean upstairs etc. in fact I'm frightened to go upstairs at all!

OP posts:

KayTee87 · 27/05/2016 14:18

I've just glanced over some of your previous threads and I'm actually in tears for you and your children. This is no way to live, you need to move in with your parents for a while and see someone about your mental health.

ElspethFlashman · 27/05/2016 14:21

Oh Eliza. My heart sank when I saw this was you. Cos I know you're not going to do anything about it as you're not able with your PND.

I am convinced you would be marginally better if you were single. I do believe his behaviour has compounded your health problems very badly.

But I know you are not in the right space to act now. I just hope that time will come soon.

EUnamechange · 27/05/2016 14:24

He threw away your AD?

When my dh was concerned about the amount of medication I have to take we had rows about it, and then I went to the GP for a medication review. She explained that I will probably always need medication, and he has accepted that. I felt able to disagree and argue with him, and his driver was concern for the side effects. He would never have thrown them away. That's dangerous - you could have been made suicidal by withdrawal effects and shows complete disrespect for your health.

I've never seen one of your posts before but everything on this thread tells me you are in an abusive situation. Please get some help.

ThatStewie · 27/05/2016 14:24

He works for home so he can control you. It makes it easier for him to prevent you from accessing support from friends or professionals.

SuckingEggs · 27/05/2016 14:27

Tell your GP he chucked your meds.

Then get more and don't tell him.

Get stronger.

Leave the fucker.

IJustLostTheGame · 27/05/2016 14:27

He's a cunt.
My DH works from home a lot. Dd knows not to go into daddy's office when the door is shut, that's the only consideration he gets. If he doesn't like the noise he can go into work. It's a home first and foremost

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 27/05/2016 14:27

Your husband sounds like the biggest twat. Seriously, he needs to fuck off.

Imagine, a baby making noise? What, does he think there is a magical potion that will stop babies making noise I would like some.

YADNBU and I would seriously be reconsidering my living arrangements if my husband spoke to me like that.

ElspethFlashman · 27/05/2016 14:30

No he is now "allowing" her to have the newest batch. Is that right Eliza? This has been going on for months. OP is quite unwell and is in contact with GP but with only limited effectiveness thus far.

ScrambledSmegs · 27/05/2016 14:32

Every time you post, OP, he sounds worse and worse. I'm so sorry, he's emotionally abusive to you and from what you've just said he's starting to impact on your children too.

I think you need to be honest with your GP/midwife about the extent of his control of you. Can you do that? This isn't healthy, and you need help for you and your children.

theDudesmummy · 27/05/2016 14:34

I work from home some of the week and most of the weekend, it's work in which I often need to concentrate intensely and sometimes have telephone conferences. I have a choice to be at home or at the office. I know that if I choose to be at home at times when DS and DH are there then I accept there could be some interaction and noises. My choice. I would not dream of treating my DH and DS the abusive and selfish way you are being treated. Yes, if there is an important teleconference and they are at home I would tell DH in advance that it is happening, and he may choose to go out shopping or something with DS at that time, depending on what mood DS is in. I would not expect it of him though, and it would be the subject of a discussion, not a diktat.

PurpleDaisies · 27/05/2016 14:35

Op do you have anyone in your life who you can talk to about your husband? He sounds horrible, and you sound very unhappy. His behaviour isn't reasonable.

ElspethFlashman · 27/05/2016 14:35

Also the upsetting thing is that on the previous threads it was all rather dismissive of the boy: "Oh DS is robust, he's not affected by any of this, he's fine"

I knew that couldn't possibly be true.

theDudesmummy · 27/05/2016 14:38

Oh I have just seen the thing about DH having a say about your medication. This is clear domestic abuse, no ifs ands or buts, I am afraid, and you need to tell someone and get real life help urgently. Women's Aid, GP's surgery etc. Please do get some help.

mynamesnotMa · 27/05/2016 14:39

Gosh even Gordon Brown allowed his children's to make noise when addressin the nation.
Yr man needs a log cabin or a space where he can act like a self important twunt.

Artioo2 · 27/05/2016 14:39

The no-noise thing is clearly unreasonable - OK for a one-off situation, but not for a long term arrangement, especially if he has somewhere else to work from.

But that aside, if my partner ever did a throat slitting motion at me and mouthed 'fuck off', for any reason, let alone for walking into my own kitchen, I would be beyond angry and upset, and would be considering my relationship in general.

EveryoneElsie · 27/05/2016 14:41

Phone Womens Aid and get you and your daughter out of there.

You are afraid of him.
Get out.

SoEverybodyDance · 27/05/2016 15:02

Sadly, I experienced the same thing when I was a child. We had to be really quiet because people were always coming to the house, we couldn't play anywhere near my father's office and we rarely had friends round to play. Consequently we didn't develop good relationships with other kids when we started school and as my mother was often answering the door and telephone for him we spent a lot of our time after school feeling isolated and bored.

Interestingly I also had a friend whose DH worked a night and slept in the house during the day and was furious when he was disturbed. Her DS had special needs and was really affected by not being able to play naturally in the house and make a noise. My friend was obviously worried about waking up DH, and DS became aware of it and basically developed this high pitched squeal to manipulate her into giving him the things he needed, which she did because she didn't want to wake DH. It turned into a horrible dynamic.

Good luck with getting your OH back to his office, but it's def where he needs to be...

MadamDeathstare · 27/05/2016 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chipsahoy · 27/05/2016 18:28

Sorry, but what?

My dh works from home. Yes there are occasions where hr has an important meeting, so I take the kids out, or we set up in the living room with door shut..but thats maybe once every six months..Otherwise it's business as usual. The kids are reminded that daddy is working if they keep going in his office, on occasion. But they can play in their rooms (next to his office) etc.

It's him. Not you. If he wants quiet, he needs to go to an office outside of the home.

lem73 · 27/05/2016 18:33

Your problem is not where your dh works. The problem is that he is a cunt. You need to leave

whois · 27/05/2016 18:38

Oh no :-(

It's way way WAY worse than this one thing.

get out get help get your children away from him.

Fairylea · 27/05/2016 18:39

This is the dh who doesn't want you to stop breastfeeding isn't it? He's a total arse. You really need to leave for your own sanity.

Ameliablue · 27/05/2016 18:39

That's is totally unreasonable. He should go in to the office if he needs a quiet place to work.

crazywriter · 27/05/2016 18:45

I'd be pissed if I were you. I'm a wahm and noise comes with the job. If I have a Skype meeting, I'll arrange it around the family. DH will be a Sahd but I'd never threaten him or speak to him like that. If they're being particularly noisy, I'd ask politely just to keep the noise down but ear phones and music do me to drown out the noise.

venusinscorpio · 27/05/2016 18:46

Perhaps he wants the OP where he can see her. All the time.

Flip

1 2 3 4