More of a WWYD? 13 year olds drinking at a party

[PotterBot]

I check my 13 year olds sons phone messages and Instagram account. The reason I do this is because I found out that he had been trying to access porn. So I keep an eye on it more closely than I had in the past.

There was a group chat on Instagram that about six 13 year old boys and girls were discussing a party that went on. My ds wasn't at the party but these kids were.

Basically it went along the lines of they all got drunk, the girl whose party it was her mum was there so must have known there were drunk kids in her house as stuff got smashed and there was throwing up. Another boy touched another boys 'dick' (there words not mine).

I don't know how much of this was just peacocking (the yeah I had six beers type of peacocking).

As ds was there I know it's not any of my business but I'm really good friends with one of the mum's whose Dd was there and was apparently drinking vodka.

Im really torn as to whether to say something. What do I do?

Of course she is right to check his phone! Whoever doesn't think a parent should do that is more than a little bonkers!

I would stay out of it, you don't know the facts. There is likely to be a lot of exaggerating going on.

YANBU to check his phone, at 13 he is still a child, to give any young teen free reign of the internet is irresponsible. They are very vulnerable and not always aware or mature enough to deal with the potential dangers on the internet.

I think I'd talk to your son about it first. If you know the parent and there's more to the story, I'd tell them.

I agree you have a right to check his phone, but me personally, I'd have to compartmentalize what is an issue to discuss (porn) and what not to discuss (stuff his friends claim to do).

@WannaBe

Nothing wrong with checking your son's phone. Online bullying is a real and prevalent issue as is MH issues among teens many of which are rooted in their access to the Internet and social media.

As parents it is our job to guide our teens to be safe but also to be aware and help them when they get it wrong, which they do at this age. Access to a smart phone and social media is a privilege not a right. They're thirteen, not adults.

That being said there is a difference between being aware of your own child's use of e.g. Porn and inappropriate use of the Internet and getting involved in what goes on with other friends.

The reality is that teenagers will do things that parents don't approve of. We all did. Given your own child wasn't involved you should stay out of it.

As parents our job.... blah blah blah plesse ur not a fking hero, shut up. Your poor kid deserves privacy, as someone who is a very young adult and experienced high school with social media and the online environment. Can i say. Y7 Everyone watches porn, its normal. some people vape. Y8 same but alot more people vape and almost every party has alcohol. Y9 same but people start having sex. very fee however, just a few people per school. Y10 some people start doing foreplay and penatrating, most people come back from partys hammered. Y11 everyone is fking each other like rabbits. :/ Idk why either. It was a weird time. Also don't try restrict these things, every teen in history knows how to delete their history ( pun intended ) and they will sneek out of the house to go to partys. they are alot smarter than you think, its best to warn them about alcohol. Let them know porn is fake and can ruin your sex expectations. DO NOT try to stop them as 100% it will not work @PotterBot

It happens but is frequently grossly exaggerated for effect afterwards. It can also happen quite slyly, ie the parent who is in the home while the party is going on does not know that so and so smuggled in vodka! That happened at a teenage party in my house.

Your son wasn't involved so don't worry until you really have something to worry about.