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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to remove my son from school

19 replies

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 27/05/2016 01:13

I am driving myself mad with this decision that we have made. My son is year 4 and has been desperately unhappy for months and his behaviour has been shocking and has even started wetting the bed. He has been begging us to take him out of the school but the problem was that there are no spaces in any of the schools near us. Yesterday things came to a head, I was early at pick up so the receptionist came out to me and said that my son was kicking off again, apparently he had been banging on the main door asking to ring myself or his dad but they refused, I am disabled and he is not coping very well with it at all. Anyway they bring him down to me and he was inconsolable and was struggling to get his words out, we all went into the office with the head and her attitude was disgusting and kept changing her story and my son pulled her up on a few things ( I made him apologise for being rude). Now I am the first to say that my son is no angel but he has only been like this since my illness took hold and unfortunately I won't get any better and he is really struggling with this fact. I had heard enough and said we were leaving and left the school with my sobbing son. After discussing the situation with my partner we felt that the only option is to remove him from school and home school until another school can be found. I really hope we have done the right thing, today he seems more relaxed knowing he's not going back. The school have been very unsupportive, his class doubled in size in a few months and have a high percentage of children with behaviour problems and just 1 teacher and 1 TA. It is a very daunting prospect home schooling him, I really hope that I can get this right, if anyone has any advice I would be very grateful. Apologies for such a long post.

OP posts:

soapboxqueen · 27/05/2016 01:20

I'm going to start by saying you've probably done the right thing. Having your ds in so much distress isn't good especially if there is no support coming from school. If you are got to home school make sure you inform the school properly. You can get sample letters on some of the home ed websites.

Has he said why he is so upset? You might want to see if you can get a referral through your gp to someone who can help your ds. Whatever the reason, his reaction seems extreme.

There are plenty of places online where you can get lesson plans etc so I wouldn't worry too much but you might want to let him just unwind for the moment.

onehappymummy · 27/05/2016 01:26

There are far too many details missing for anyone to say if you are or are not being unreasonable by removing your child from school. However, the decision to home-school cannot be one you have taken lightly as it is a massive commitment so I would only assume you feel it reasonable.

It does sound like the school should have been offering support to your son that perhaps he was not getting. I assume they were well aware of the situation with your health. If school aren't going to be finding the support though, it is going to be down to you. His behaviour does not sound ok, and I would be going to the GP to see if you can get some sort of referral or perhaps they could give you some advice of where you can find support for him. I believe there is a board somewhere on mumsnet for home-schooling (I may be wrong), you should find it to help yourself.

I wish you and your family the best. It sounds like a very challenging time for you.

mummyto2monkeys · 27/05/2016 01:31

YADNBU, I am a severely disabled parent and my husband and I Home educate our son who is nine. Home schooling is a lot easier than you would think. There are local and uk wide Facebook groups for home educators, that would be a good place to start for advice and information .Has your son had anyone explain your disability to him? Has your son had to take on a caring role? He might be able to get support from young carers. I will come back in the morning to add more, brain fried just now!

VioletBam · 27/05/2016 01:33

I also think you've left a lot out OP. Is he being bullied? Why is he so distressed? Have you sought help from CAHMS if not?

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 27/05/2016 02:01

Sorry I am very tired and extremely stressed. He has had a few issues with a couple of children in the class, we made the teacher aware and were constantly fobbed off, last week he was stabbed in the hand with a pencil and was told that they will look into it when his hand was clearly marked.
We took him to the gp who has filled In an early help form but the dr doesn't think there is anything medically or mentally wrong with him as something like that would have been evident years ago and he is 9 now. She thinks that he needs some form of counselling to help him cope with his emotions. The school are well aware of my health as we have updated them all the time. It is so upsetting because before my illness he was a very happy little boy who was doing so well at school and thriving, he goes to young carers which help and they do 121's with him sometimes and each time they say he is a delightful little boy. I just want to do what is best for him and help him. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

OP posts:

VioletBam · 27/05/2016 03:11

Can I ask a few more questions Sing? Has he got any siblings and is his Dad at work during the day? Who was taking him to school in the morning? Does he have any friends from school?

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 27/05/2016 03:23

He has two older siblings and yes his dad works but doesn't start until 1pm so he always did the school run.
Yes he had friends, he had a nice group come to his birthday party.

OP posts:

VioletBam · 27/05/2016 03:34

That sounds good Sing at least he has the friends....I think you've done the right thing given they weren't helping him and his behaviour is quite extreme. Banging on the door to get out means he was in real distress.

Have you done the whole de-registering thing? Is it all official?

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 27/05/2016 03:43

Well we emailed the school requesting them to remove him from the register. Do I need to do anything else. Oh gosh he was so distressed it broke my heart to see him like that.

OP posts:

VioletBam · 27/05/2016 04:09

home-ed.info/home_education_deregistration

Read this OP. There is more to it than just telling the school. You will also need to prove you are giving him an education until he gets another place.

Mycraneisfixed · 27/05/2016 20:11

It's quite easy to show you are providing an education for your child. The relevant authority will be happy to help you. One of my daughters homeschools her two DC and they all love it. Personally I couldn't home school but if you have the energy and enthusiasm for it it's a great idea. As a previous poster said, there are lots of home ed groups. Find one that suits the method of home educating that you'd feel most comfortable with.

Greenyogagirl · 27/05/2016 20:25

Hi, I'm in the same boat with my 6yo. You need to put in writing you want to deregister. You don't have to prove anything, don't have to follow the curriculum. Loads of home ed worksheets and ideas on pin terest. Also things like baking a cake can be English/maths/science you don't have to sit and do lessons. Enjoy your time with him 😊

readingrainbow · 27/05/2016 20:38

He is so young, all he really needs to do is play. :) My DD was struggling in her reception class - not to the extent of your ds - and in the end we pulled her out and laid off the school work. She's now gone back to school after a year + and a house move, and she's doing brilliantly. She needed to grow up a bit more before she could handle a school environment.

All the best, op. You are doing the best for your son in a difficult situation.

allowlsthinkalot · 27/05/2016 21:27

Violet, all you actually have to do is deregister from the school. You may at some point then hear from the LA but they need to give you enough time to settle into home ed and find what works for your soN.

OP, you have done the right thing. Whatever he does at home will be better than that level of distress and not being taken seriously. An education doesn't need to look like a school based education and some would say it's better if it doesn't. I second finding your local home ed groups.

ByAndByTheWay · 27/05/2016 21:39

Hi, we homeschool and it's not as complicated as many people think. Are you on Facebook? There is lots and lots of support on there, including lots of people who have withdrawn children from school for similar reasons to you. Try the home education UK group and try asking on there for advice. Most areas have groups as well, try searching on Facebook for home education and your county name. Good luck, sounds like you are making the best choices for your child.

shiveringhiccup · 27/05/2016 21:39

Your poor little boy. You're doing a good thing for him, you sound like a good mum.

Check out the mumsnet Home Education doeum, loads of great advice there. For now just 'deschool' - just give him time to unwind from all the distress and let it go. Maybe look into GP (try another if the previous one was unsympathetic) and look into counselling for him. Have a look online for your local HE network and just take your time working out together how you both want things to be. If he's got a good group of friends help him to stag in touch with them too.

Good luck

shiveringhiccup · 27/05/2016 21:40

Sorry about the typos. Home education forum, stay in touch

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 27/05/2016 23:37

Thank you so much for all your great advice, you have reassured me that I have done the right thing. The atmosphere at home is so relaxed, I'm going to let his relax for a few weeks whilst I research ways to teach him and find resources. Yes I am on Facebook and I have joined a home ed group. Once again thank you

OP posts:

Couchpotato3 · 27/05/2016 23:44

Sounds like you have done the right thing by taking the heat out of the situation. You may find that your DS copes better with your ongoing disability when he is able to spend more time with you. Good luck with hime schooling - I hope you all enjoy it.

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