Going to bed at the same time as DC's

[Myusernameismyusername]

My DD's are early teens and do not seem to like it if I stay up later than them. I am a single parent and have been for many years. They have their own rooms.
They will often call out to me and just now DD1 said 'aren't you going to bed now?' And before DD2 went up she kind of stood near me looking like she was waiting for me to go up too. And they do this most nights

I've asked them if they feel scared of the dark or such like and they say they don't.

I feel like I am BU if I stay up a little later than them for no good reason at all. I am a grown up. I sometimes feel like I am expected to be part-child as well?!!
Does it just make them feel more secure and should I tell them they are BU expecting me to go to bed when they would like.
Confused about this concept

The routine is pretty locked down by me, the witch. So maybe insecurity is a plausible explanation although that makes me feel a little bit bad that they could feel that way

I think they're used to you going at the same time so it's unsettling when you don't.

I also think it's a habit you should break as quickly as you can.

They aren't like MOTHER GET TO BED ASAP or anything but it peeves me to be questioned on it.
Good advice on making more of a fuss of them when they go up if I am not going to bed at the same time and I might say to them tomorrow about it too

I'm going out on a limb here and say I think they are just taking the piss and looking for excuses....

Never would I let my child or anyone be it a 4yo , 14yo or a 30yo tell me when to go to bed.
I'm a adult I will do as I please!
I also really REALLY appreciate my time in the evenings without my child around....just a few hours but it makes the world of difference.

Myusername I hear you! Am a single parent to an 18 year old, who goes to bed about 11, and a 13 year old who goes to bed about 9.30 on a school night, and a dog who comes up with me.

At 9.30 I remind Ds2 that it's bedtime and to go and brush his teeth...

"Are you coming up now too? " he says

Actually - am knackered and most nights I do - even if I read, listen to the radio and have some cheese and crackers, cos I have an early start.

Sometimes though I stay up for whatever reason and he is fine with it ("but come and say goodnight when you do come up") but I know that he likes it when we go up at the same time -Go figure!

Sorry if you think I am taking the piss. I did wonder if it was more of a single parent thing or just some kids like it when you go up too - little kids I can totally understand but as they get older their bedtimes change.
Also this isn't exactly a serious issue, it can be a light hearted one (I did think this was parenting forum?)
I've have had some good advice anyway, thanks to those who have been helpful.

hmm I have teenagers my youngest is 12 then 3 more up to the oldest who is 18. I am often in bed before the 18 year old. However rarely in bed before the 12 year old (though it happens)

At 12 she has a curfew at 16 no 2 doesn't so if your 2 are around 12-15 IMO they need a curfew

DD1 just said goodnight (and so will I off to bed)

I don't really think crave desperate set in stone sancrosact child away time Monday to Friday - I can do that when they visit their father at the weekend. I really enjoy their company. They are funny and entertaining and we like a lot of the same stuff to watch.
I don't like being questioned on it by DD1 who I am sure does know better, but I'm not angry about it

I'm sorry if you have already mentioned this and I have missed it somehow, but is this relatively new behaviour? Presumably they weren't insisting on the same bedtime for all of you when they were younger so when did this start?

I spoke to them, I think they are under the impression that I need to sleep and worry that I won't get up in the morning, possibly because I am always saying 'if you don't go to sleep you will regret it tomorrow!' And DD1 said 'you say you are tired all the time!'

Nothing has changed. I was worried they were insecure about something but now I think it's just them being caring in an unhelpful but sweet way. I said it's ok if I am tired it's my own fault!

OP, my two are a little younger than yours, I'm also a single parent and I could have written your post !

We do the whole tucking in, chatting, good night routine. I often go to bed at the same time (they never go before 9, have never needed much sleep) but often read/MN etc. Frankly I'm so tired I'm happy to do so.

However, when I do stay up I get lots of visits and inquiries as to when I'm coming up. They have both admitted to me that they feel funny about me being alone downstairs, it makes them feel unsettled and they worry I might go ! It's not that long since my relationship with their dad ended, hence the worry that I may leave.

This has been heart breaking and we've had lots of long conversations about it. They have a lot of contact with their dad, and in every other way seem to be adjusting well. I think it has become a bad habit, made worse by my being so tired I'm happy to go to bed early. If I stay up I tell them roughly how long I'll be. Often they'll fall asleep or read until I go up. Alternatively, I sit in my room for a few minutes until they're asleep then go back downstairs.

We've had quite a few "heated discussions" about my being an adult and therefore being able to chose when I go to bed. I am conscious that they could exploit the situation, but also that they do currently have a genuine worry. I'm trying to tread a fine line between doing as I please and taking their worries into account. I think it's just going to be a gradual weaning off process.

Thank you, can't promise it goes entirely, but its probably from a sweet place not a sinister controlling one! Thanks I think you get where I was coming from and vice versa