To adopt an older child?

[PinkBalloons]

We were approved for fostering/adoption, a while back. I then fell pregnant, but miscarried.

We are approved for under 3. However, we are considering older, however family has really put us off saying that they're all troubled and it's too much for us as first time parents... Is that true? We are probably thinking 11 and under, so primary school, but we are first time parents and are older children supposed to be adopted into more experienced families?

Typically children hardly ever get adopted after the age of four because most people want to adopt as young as possible.

I would say this, all children in care even under the age of three will probably have experienced some kind of trauma. Behaviours can become more complex with age but every child is different.

I work in fostering (as a sw) and we always encourage foster carers to be open to any age. A lot of the teenagers can be a lot easier to manage that the little ones. I don't think age really tells you anything.

They could after all be six but have the mental age of a three year old.

I would take each child you're introduced to as it comes. Make sure you find out as much about each child. I would consider age as a factor but wouldn't make it a priority instead id focus on behaviours.

A child under 3 can also have some baggage, so to speak, if you adopt a child who was taken away from the mother, not one that was given up for adoption immediately after birth.
I would think adopting an older child safer, in a way, as the problems will already have begun to manifest, so you know what you are getting yourself into.

Surely, if you are approved for adopting an older child, then the authorities think it is doable?

I agree with Unproper

Every age of child, adopted or birth child, comes with it's very own unique set of problems and every child is different. Don't let people put you off...if sw approve it and it's what you and your dh want then that's all that matters. My niece is adopted and while there are issues we all love her regardless.

Were you approved for fostering or adoption? Surely your social worker discussed this with you?

LittleNelle Foster to adopt, I'd imagine.

OP Get this moved to adoption.

DH and I adopted a 6 (nearly 7) year old and a (just turned) 5 year old, 2 years ago.

So far, so good. They have their issues but if you were to meet them for an afternoon you would never know.

Younger adoptees often have issues too... They just haven't been identified yet!

Come over to 'adoption'... Huge amounts of experience and knowledge.

I don't have any experience but would say YANBU if that's what you want.

I only know two families who've adopted. Both couples took a brother and sister pair. The children who joined their adopters aged 1 and 2 have massively complex and difficult needs. The children who joined their adopters aged 4 and 5 appear, to the outside eye, to be completely typical young children. But that's only one anecdote.