My Mum died 5 months ago.
Before she died I'd uploaded pics of her onto Facebook when she was much younger and happier.
After Mums funeral I felt numb.
I wrote that she had passed peacefully but she really hadn't.
Before she went in hospital, she told me she felt half dead.
In her last days few days in the hospital she really suffered. She struggled day by day to breathe.
On her last day in her eyes she was asking us for something, she managed to lift her hand and I realised she wanted a drink. (she had been on IVs for weeks)
I had thought/hoped she was getting better but she died later that night.
I had carried on work and stuff though I think slowly my levels of anxiety and distress grew.
In the last few weeks the anxiety grew so much I cant face work or the world.
Earlier today, I looked at lovely pics of Mum, when she was a baby, a girl, a so pretty young woman and then our mum.
Then I remembered her suffering at the end and that I was not with her when she passed away.