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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to report this to SS?

64 replies

Zosebrina · 25/05/2016 15:26

I live next door to a very volatile family. The couple have 2 children - a baby and a 6 year old.

As I live next door and the walls are ridiculously thin I can hear pretty much every conversation they have in the adjoining rooms to mine. It might sound like I'm "listening in" on the conversations from what I describe below but I promise I'm not, I often sit in my living room just surfing the internet on my ipad in the quiet and can hear all conversations clear as day - same when i'm in my bedroom trying to sleep the conversations come right through without any effort in trying to listen!

They smoke cannabis throughout the day and the smell seeps into my property so can imagine what it must be like next door.

The 6 year old is often wandering the streets on her own looking for the other children in the street to play with - they can't always come out to play so she then wanders the street on her own unsupervised - the street is long and turns a corner so even if the parents were watching from their windows/or front driveway then they wouldn't see their child around the corner.

The one evening I was stood looking out of my top window, and saw her knocking door after door looking for someone to play with, it was getting dark and she continued to wander up the street. Then a car slowed right down next to her and pulled over across the street, they had obviously called her as she stopped and went over to the car. I started to panic thinking the worst and ran downstairs and out of the house, looked next door and no sign of anyone standing at any windows watching her so I stood there and watched and waited. Luckily the car then drove off but she was still all alone in the street, no one else around and I just thought WHY are you being allowed to wander around on your own at this time of night with no one watching you! I decided I might have been too interfering as she may have known the driver, and went back inside but still kept an eye out for her.
She disappeared round the corner, but thankfully came back a few minutes later and went home.

I came home a few weeks ago at 10.30pm and as I was getting out of my car she walked past me to go home! It was chucking it down aswell poor thing was soaked, I cant imagine where she had been at that time of night!

I am only friendly with my immediate neighbour on the other side as I'm fairly new to the street so haven't met anyone else yet, but during conversations they have told me that the little girl often stops outside their house and talks to them and she smells quite noticeably of urine and her clothes are often dirty and face/hands etc. The dirty clothes and face/hands don't particularly concern me as kids get dirty when they are playing.

As mentioned earlier I can hear pretty much every conversation that goes on and the father shouts at both of his children on a daily basis, not just a telling off but swears and shouts at them and I know he is talking to them as calls them by their names. The shouting/swearing seems to be for really trivial things too, for example yesterday he was heard saying to the little girl "don't f*king put your bowl on the table take it straight to the fking kitchen what the f*k is the matter with you!" - ok fine she did wrong but was that absolutely necessary?!

the mother does the same aswell and one instance last week the mother was getting washing in from the line and her daughter was asking her for something to which the mum said no but child kept on and on and in the end the mother said "For f*ks sake will you just fk off and leave me alone you annoying little fking sht!!!" I have heard him shouting at the baby for crying also!

They don't seem to have any set bedtime, I can often hear them still up at 11/12 at night when their parents have people over and the language is appalling, discussing things that children really shouldn't be hearing (how the father was going to go f**k someone up as he owed him a tenner was one example, discussing how much money they had that week and how much weed they could buy was another).

Last night I was woken at 3am by the daughter running round the house, then the baby started crying, and then the mother swearing/shouting at them calling them everything - this went on for about an hour.

When the daughter is playing in the street, if she cant get the other kids shes playing with to do what she wants them to do, then she calls them C*ts and Btches and throws a complete wobbly in the street screaming the place down. Her parents must be able to hear her as I can from inside my house but obviously choose not to intervene.
I have overheard some of the other children turn down the little girls request for going to her house as they say their mothers wont allow them to go to her house (I can imagine wny not) - queue more meltdowns and swearing from the little girl.

My neighbour has told me that on more than one occasion they have gone outside early on a Saturday or sunday morning to find the little girl sat on the wall eating crisps (for breakfast) with no shoes or socks on, when my neighbours asked why she was sat there alone they were told that mummy and daddy want a lie in so told me to come outside out of the way.

now I know all of this can't be taken as gospel and I know I can only go by the things I've seen and heard myself, but I don't know what to do - they are bad enough neighbours as it is, I really don't want it to get escalated because they will know its me that's reported them for swearing at the kids because I'm the only one that will be able to hear them - I am the only house attached to them.

I know I can remain anonymous but its the specific examples that will out me, I cant just say I'm concerned, I will have to outline why and I think saying that the child wanders the street alone (as that could have come from anyone in my street) isn't really evidence enough to warrant investigation I don't think? Also a few months ago I heard the mother prepping the daughter on what to say when the social services woman came round - make sure you don't mention anything about yesterday, and don't say anything about your brother. I only got the tail end of the conversation but it was obvious enough she was prepping her.
Either they get notification of when SS come around or they pre-empt it because about a week before the visit they had all their windows open daily and weed smoking was done outside.

So if SS have been involved before do you think I should just back off mind my own business and hope they are on the "radar" or do you think they've managed to fob off SS and are no longer a concern?

I know what people do in their own homes is none of my business but I'm finding it harder to turn a blind eye to the things they are saying to these children. I just keep thinking, its obviously acceptable what they are doing or schools and GP's would have picked up on it by now and surely the parents of the other children this little girl plays with will have noticed all this so just leave it alone?

WWYD?

OP posts:
Cagliostro · 25/05/2016 16:04

Yep definitely report :(

lonerboner · 25/05/2016 16:05

CaptainCrunch that is shocking

Yet I hear of SS hounding other families when there is nothing wrong? They seem to have their priorities arse up!

I was told by a SW if someone reports something anon they kind of discredit it because why would you remain anon if you are that concerned?

However, this poor 6 year old sounds in need of some stability. The parents need help in guiding the children.

I detest hearing children swear Sad

goddessofsmallthings · 25/05/2016 16:05

Please please please report this as a matter of urgency and, as I suspect this family is known to SS, I suggest you call the NSPCC's helpline 0808 800 5000 anonymously and tell them everything you've said here

Nuggy2013 · 25/05/2016 16:05

Report it. SS will make the decision what to do so you've done what you need to. You don't need to deliberate about whether to report or not, you have concerns and they clearly need addressing

whatnoww · 25/05/2016 16:05

If you see the child out alone an an inappropriate time (like 10:30 in the rain!) report it to the police at the time. Its much easier to prove if you report when it's happening. Same as if children are left home alone.

Worked a bit for SS but by no means an expert.

Definitely report your concerns now, above advice is just incase there is a next time.

woody2976 · 25/05/2016 16:06

report please report. that poor little girl. its all evidence for court. Can take years for children to be removed due to neglect. courts are always on the side of the parents it feels, even more so at the moment.

theredjellybean · 25/05/2016 16:07

please ring SS, they are obviously aware of the family, and it maybe that many people...teacher/gp etc have 'low level' concerns about family so it is important to add your concerns, you can remain anonnymous if you want when you ring social services.
often cases are a slow build up of low level concerns coming from many different sourcs that create a picture for SS. and please do mention what you heard about the mum effectively prepping the little girl

Gazelda · 25/05/2016 16:07

I'm really glad you're going to report it. You know in your heart that the little girl isn't being looked after properly.

CaptainCrunch · 25/05/2016 16:16

I really hope things ARE better in other areas of the country. I'm in Central Scotland. There is a HUGE drug problem in my city, HUGE. Most of the poor parenting issues are directly drug related. It takes an enormous amount of SS intervention to result in a child being removed and put in foster care, partly because there are so few decent foster homes available.

It literally drives me mental.

Bee182814 · 25/05/2016 16:17

Report definitely! We know from stories in the press that sometimes families 'slip through the net' you could make a huge difference here. And you are DEFINITELY not being unfair!

RosieSW · 25/05/2016 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alb1 · 25/05/2016 16:20

Deffiently report, better to be a busy body than live with knowing you could have done something to help those children but didn't if something happens to them. Even if others have already reported it the more people that do the better. And like others have said, if the little girl is out that late I would absolutely report it to police

AldrinJustice · 25/05/2016 16:20

Report it! I wouldn't think any of the situations you have said would be specific to you, could have been heard by anyone posing the house

thatdarncat · 25/05/2016 16:24

Please report this. That poor little girl.

AgeOfEarthquakes · 25/05/2016 16:25

Report it. This little girls is being neglected and subjected to abusive behaviours.

squizita · 25/05/2016 16:30

report.

It's like a safeguarding checklist of danger signs one after the other...

TransvisionTramp · 25/05/2016 16:31

I'd definitely report it.
Those poor children will grow up thinking their upbringing is normal, and so the cycle begins. Sad

ShmooBooMoo · 25/05/2016 16:43

I think this kind of thing sadly happens in more homes than people would like to think Sad
I think you should contact SS and just outline what you've put here. Would it have to be you (in their eyes)? Could a family member, friend etc not have raised concerns??

Goingtobeawesome · 25/05/2016 16:45

Posters always say stuff about them missing something, maybe someone has already reported it. I can't believe people are that stupid tbh. The more people report concerns the more children will be protected. What did you think you were missing?

There is no excuse at all for someone being put at 10:30 at night when they are six. no excuse for being sworn at repeatedly and no excuse for living in drug smoke.

RedHelenB · 25/05/2016 16:48

School will already have logged incidents so you backing this up as a neighbour will be helpful.

igglepiggleisanarsehole · 25/05/2016 16:50

Definitely report this :( those poor children.

AnonymousAdopter · 25/05/2016 16:52

This could have been my ADDs.
It takes a lot of reports to build up a full picture of things.
The more info the better.

Verbena37 · 25/05/2016 16:53

Above all else, it's the children being in a pot smoking house that is most worrying.
I would send SS a report similar to the post you've written above outlying the main issues. Bullet it so it's more simple and easy for them to read.

If it's in writing, and you keep a copy, then there is written evidence of a formal complaint having been made. Just keep it anonymous though.
If they don't sort it out, they're being neglectful and after what happened over the last few years with SS not following up on worrying issues, I think they would have to take it further.

It sounds like a horrid environment for them.....you're right to report them.

scampimom · 25/05/2016 16:57

That poor wee kiddie, I hope something can be done for her. When you hear about things like this you wonder why some people bother having kids at all - they clearly don't want them. makes you want to take in all the unloved little tikes, doesn;t it.

mummyto2monkeys · 25/05/2016 17:00

I have reported via nspcc before, I asked that details not be given out but agreed to speak to the police, social work and whoever needed to. The reaction time was fantastic, the family never found out who reported them and social services became involved. I was happy with the outcome and would not hesitate to use the nspcc phone line again. Please go to a friends house or make the call where they won't be able to hear you.