to have seperation anxiety from my 18mo

[Bellyrub1980]

To cut a long story short, I've had quite severe PND for the last 15 months. It has been tough. I've had counselling (a while ago now) and 6 months ago changed my AD's which are now working really well (although on the highest dose so feel a bit emotionally 'flat' but that's fine by me given the last year).

I bonded reasonably well with my DD despite the PND but I never really felt like a mum or particularly enjoyed it. I was just too consumed by anxiety. I never felt that overwhelming love I've heard other mums talk about.... Until now.

Literally in the last few weeks it's like I have fallen in love with my DD. She is just her normal self, and is a typical 18mo (all the usual pro's and cons that go with that!!) but I can't bear to be apart from her. When I'm at work it feels like I did as a child being away from my mum, like homesickness!! To me it feels like separation anxiety I suppose.

So I guess my question is, is this what being a mum really feels like? AIBU to want to spend every waking moment with her? Is this how I should have felt in the first few weeks? Or have I just lapsed into another realm of mental illness?!

Yes I think that's pretty normal. You basically get used to it because you have to.

Glad you're in a better mental space

Aw OP it sounds like you've had a really tough time of it. Yes, in my experience this is what it's like...but it DOES get better/less intense.

I used to feel unable to cope if I left my DD at her Grandma's even though I knew she was happy there.

Saying that...I do think that you sound a bit anxious...go back to the GP and tell them how you feel.

How lovely that you have fallen in love with your DD, it sounds like you've had really tough time.

It will get easier being apart, but tbh I much prefer being with my DCs than anywhere else and my eldest is almost 18!

Just for balance I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling like that unless it limits what you can/need to do. However don't want other posters to think it's always like that. I found it hard to leave ds when less than 6 months but not now he's older. If I know he's happy and content with my dh/mil/parents/childminder then I'm fine with that. Not sure defining 'normal' is helpful unless it's become a problem!

It does get easier but I remember that awful, 'something is missing' feeling when I first started back at work. I was so anxious to get home I used to run (15 mins!) back to the car just to shave a few minutes off!

It sounds like the early bonding phase is hitting you a bit late. It's a good thing for that reason, but the anxiety should and must ease or you will have difficulties. If it doesn't ease over the next couple of months go back to the GP.