to just say no

[CaramelPrincess]

My DS is being christened later this year, and we are trying to keep celebrations intimate and small due to costs etc.
I have invited my mum and her partner, despite the fact that my mum and I don't particular get on due to many reasons but mostly because of her partner. Her partner basically doesn't like children very much, and was never very pleased at taking on a woman with two children. And so made mine & my younger brothers childhood a misery.
Anyway, my mum has sent me a text asking if I will be inviting her partners parents to the christening. I feel like telling her to shove the invitation where the sun doesn't shine, but I don't know what to do! My mum says she thinks 'it is the right thing to do'
Please help!

Do you (or your children) have any relationship with the partner's parents?

Say no. If you were a tight family and he acted as a father it would be different. He made a choice to not parent you so he's not family.

I wouldn't be inviting your mum's partner in that situation, let alone his parents! Unless they are really lovely people and were like grandparents to you growing up, I would say no because you're keeping it small.

Yanbu.
I would just say "no, I'm sorry they are not invited, we wish to keep things small."
Be firm, you're not obliged to invite anyone& by sounds of it your mum is lucky she is invited

No relationship whatsoever! We see them at family gatherings but that's about it. They're nice enough people but I really don't see why I should have them at my sons christening

I think to be honest it's more to do with my mum trying to keep him happy by asking me to invite them

I think to be honest it's more to do with my mum trying to keep him happy by asking me to invite them.

That's your mum's problem, don't let her make it yours. YANBU to say no.

I wondered that, CP. I'd guess he feels guilty about not seeing them enough and wants to spend a bit of token time with them at your expense, but maybe I'm just ungenerous.

As you have no relationship with your mums partners parents then no need to invite, say no.

Yanbu, this is about your son and not pleasing other people so your mum should not be asking this of you. You barely know them, your son doesn't so why would you have them there.

No relationship means no invite. Don't keep your mum happy at the expense of your own happiness.

I'd say no in this case too, no relationship, no reason to be there.

I think my issue is that my relationship with my mum is quite unstable and I don't want to make this worse. But I agree with what you are all saying, I think I maybe should just bite the bullet and tell her no

Say no!!!!!

It's not normal!!

Just say no. We had parents,so me and DH, our siblings with partners and our parents and the godparents and that was enough for an intimate christening - felt like a crowd actually.

If you say no is it likely that your mum will then not come. On balance is having your mum there worth putting up with two extras? Does her P not want to go and thinks that asking this will get him out of it?

This is what concerns me, as when I got married my mum basically said she wouldn't want to come unless I invited him, so I ended up putting up with him for the sake of having her there. So it does make me wonder if she would refuse to come to the christening unless I invited him & his parents too

Well, you owe her nothing by the sounds of it so even that wouldn't be enough to stop me saying no!

Well that would then be her regrettable choice. But it would be pretty fucked up, not to go to your grandchilds christening cos your partners parents weren't there!

Definitely you need to politely decline to invite them. And be very distant with any emotionally manipulative messages afterwards.

So it does make me wonder if she would refuse to come to the christening unless I invited him & his parents too

That is ultimately her decision. To be honest she had some case when she did not want to attend a wedding without her partner of many years. She has no case for this circumstance. She wants to invite her partner's parents to a christening she needs to get herself another child. This is not your problem.

Yeah, I think I will text her and just say I'm sorry but it's an intimate family christening, we are tight on numbers and there isn't the space for non family members? Does that sound ok?

That sounds perfect.

If she asks again, the MN mantra 'no is a complete sentence' is very helpful.

I would say nothing about space. I would say sorry that does not work for us, looking forward to seeing you and your DP. Chat soon. Leave her wondering.