Wwyd, pooing in knickers, long sorry!!

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Soooo we are having a problem with DD3, she has been potty trained with wees for about 16months when she turned 2, was really quick, dry in a week. For some reason that we have no clue about she had never fully grasped pooing in the potty/toilet, she's says she's scared, it'll hurt etc. We have tried EVERYTHING!! She will very occasionally do it, see that it's fine, tell me in future she's going to do it on the toilet/potty but never does. Unfortunately when we tried keeping with the pull-ups aswell to avoid nasty poo accidents she regressed with the wees so we wear knickers full time and when she needs to poo she'll go into a quiet corner, DTD in her knickers, come tell me, I'll clean her, we'll have a chat about it and the next day the same thing will happen. I've been to the doctors, I've seen a toilet training specialist and they've all told me there is NO medical issue and that she will just eventually be comfortable and do it and that they wouldn't worry about it as an issue until she's atleast 4.
So far it has been manageable because me or DH are never away from her longer than about 4 hours while shes awake so she's just waited till we are there if she needed to BUT I have been offered a job that I really want to take, it's only one day a week and I'm desperate to do it (and for the money). The problem is that it means she will be at nursery in the morning for 3 hours and then with my DB and DSISinlaw for a further 5hours.
Hears my wwyd, would you do the job and leave her with people that long knowing she may do it in her knickers and give them the task of clearing it up ??? They have 2 DDs and we're all very close with each other and provide regular childcare for each other but just not for this long with DD normally. My DH thinks it may be a good thing because it may gently push her into doing it on the toilet as she would probably be embarrassed to do it in her knickers.

Also does anyone have any tips that have maybe been through this with their children?? I'm at a loss and literally don't know what to do anymore

I disagree semi. The bullying wouldnt have been just due to that one incident, but him more generally. Shaming a child into washing their own pants will not help their self esteem.

SloppyDailyMailJournalism he (my brother) was repeatedly messing himself at school, it wasn't a one off, like I say it was as the result of an accident. My son has great self esteem, he was exceptionally proud of himself for being a big boy and using the toilet everytime instead of doing it in his pants.

I understand you dont want to put her in pull ups but have you tried getting her to ask for a pull up just to do a poo in. This is what we did for DS who was s toilet refuser for poo. He knew he needed to go, asked for a pull up, then told me when he'd finished. It does at least save on the washing!

Yes furrygiraffe I tried that but she won't go near one unfortunately!!

Sometimes I feel so alone with it because of all our nieces, nephews and friends kids she is the only child I have known to have this problem for so long.

I wouldn't bank on it. People forget this sort of stuff very quickly!

What age is she? What worked for us with my DD was a potty that played a tune when you did something in it. We had done the charts and all that stuff too.
They are physically afraid of the poo as they have never had to see it or deal with it before. It is a big deal if you have never seen one, or really felt it come out of you before....
There is stuff coming out of you and the grown ups all go crazy and start acting weird when it happens.

Just to let everyone know I spoke to the Eric helpline and they were such a big help!! Also going to try some of the other ideas here, musicals potty, books, songs etc!! Have tried all physical rewards and it's never helped so going to try some different approaches!!

Whilst we're on the subject of poos and wees, DD had an accident in my bed about a week ago, I've tried vinegar, baking powder and shake n vac on my matress as other people suggested to me but it still smells like wee slightly, any other suggestions???

For the mattress, try mixing bicarb of soda with some water and pour it over the affected patch. Give it a bit of a scrub, blot. Then spray with perfume! When dry, turn the mattress over.

We had horrific problems with DS1 over this - like your DD he was dry very quickly, including at night, never had an accident, but oh my god, the pooing! In his case, he so didn't want to do it on the potty he held it in and made himself constipated, so we had to get laxative stuff from the doctor, but he would only go if we put a pullup on him or, occasionally, in his pants. It was hideous and went on for what seemed like forever, but was actually about 4 months. We tried everything: books, explaining what was going on, letting him choose a potty, a loo seat, a step, pants, bribery (if you do a poo on the potty, we'll buy you x - he did the poo, got x, reverted to former issues every time) and then one day, he went to stay with grandparents overnight, announced to Grandma he was going to do a poo on the toilet, did so, repeated, never looked back. So you never know, spending time with someone else may help for your DD as it did our DS, but otherwise I can't explain it! It will end, but I feel your pain... But yes, you should take the job - cleaning up poo is something you get used to when you have young kids. Nobody will mind, and it won't last forever.

Shaming a child into washing their own pants will not help their self esteem.

I didn't use this method (both my DC actually got the hang of pooing in the right place much quicker than weeing) but I don't think getting a child to wash his own pants would necessarily be "shaming" him, depending on how you approached it. If you said quite neutrally, "Oh dear, we'll need to wash these now, will you come and help me?" it wouldn't make the child feel as if he was being punished, but it would make him understand better that pooing in his pants was making them dirty and that created work (a natural consequence), in the same way that if your child throwing food on the floor (beyond an age where they ought not to be doing it any more) you might ask them to help pick it up.

Unfortunately I have one of hose mattresses that can't be flipped because of the springs will try some perfume when wet tomorrow!!

Hosta this is my DH thinking, if she has to spend time with someone else that she will be embarrassed about it with then she may just do it on the toilet and also my DB is very good and patient so I trust that he will push her in the right direction.

I am so glad that www.eric.org.uk were helpful, i wish more parents were made aware about this charity as their advice was life changing for our son. I hope that the suggestions help, I remember being advised to go straight to a trainer seat on the toilet with a step. Just so it is one less change for them. I also sang a song and encouraged My son to rock on the toilet whilst singing it. ' We do the pop and rock and let the poo come out...' I might have got the suggestion off one of the downloadable information leaflets on the eric site. My two children still use this when they get constipated.