been working virtually non-stop for 6 months, please give me a boost

[jaminthegarden]

sometimes I wish I wasn't so worried about being outed and could just splurdge out my life in a mumsnet post....but I can't so i'll just have to try and give a flavour/snapshot.
Please hope that my baby stays asleep, she has sleep regression. I'm cold, I need to get warm, my diet is appalling, i'm coping as someone who's had to choice but to have a baby on my own (IVF) but I need a shower for god's sake, I need to eat half decent food cos i'm breastfeeding.
I am so utterly fed up of making bottles (have to mixed feed) on top of trying to work out whether or not i'll be able to keep my house (advice agencies/brokers/mortgage company are not being clear at all about my options).
Darling baby has eczema, it's not really bad although some of it is untreatable.
Our living conditions aren't great, due to the cost of IVF it's all I can afford. There is money in our wider family but they all like to keep it to themselves.
I am tired, I feel my spirit is tired if that makes sense.

I need a break, I have a friend coming to stay at the weekend but last time they stayed they were so annoying I haven't been able to face having them stay again, but now i'm desperate so I've said yes.....how did I end up having such crap friends?.....it's because selfish lazy people have an impact on the rest of us.

I want to be more serene around my daughter.
I feel like i'm coming to the end of my tether with it all. I am going to drink a full mug of coffee and see if that helps

Och, your poor thing ((((hugs)))). Do you have any support at all ... anyone who can give you a break for a while? Have you tried talking to the GP to rule out a bit of depression? Really feel for you and definitely get a sense of how down, weary and desperate you sound.

And cancel the friend's visit. The last thing you need is any more stress. You don't even have to lie; just say that you're feeling tired and crappy, and that she wouldn't get a good sleep anyway because of baby.
You will feel a wee bit better for putting your foot down. Your self-esteem may be a bit low, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with just anyone!
Will check in on you again tomorrow x

thanks dieu, I don't have depression, had it once for a short spell as a child. I just needed to vent my spleen and talk honestly. I do feel weary like you say but not desperate. I had to accept that I might loose my house in order to have my child, and she is SOOOOOOO worth it. I just struggle with not being able to get stuff done, as i'm a person that's used to being very productive....I know I need to start seeing playing with my daughter as a productive thing to do, I do it enough because it's what she needs but it would be nice to do it and not have all the other stuff in the back of my mind. I can't cancel the friend's visit, it's crucial that I sort some stuff for my daughter's health this weekend and the only way I can do that is if they're here to mind her whilst I sort it.
Really i'm just having a moan, after all the years of living in fear that I might never have kids, this is a breeze, but I still wish I could give my daughter more.
Thank you for your kind words xxx

Sounds like everything is just reaching a point where you need to step back. How old is your dd? I never realised how sleep deprived I was until put of the worst of it. If your friend will look after dd then having her stay is fine. Perhaps consider what will make it as easy as possible when she's here eg. Having meals prepared in freezer? Hope you can get stuff done over the weekend and feel a bit more on top of it.

How are you feeling today jaminthegarden?
Don't feel too guilty about the play thing as it's boring as fuck anyway Don't know if this helps, but I went on a 'raising children with confidence' short course a while back, and they recommended 10 minutes a day of play with your child. They psychologists said that just this 10 minutes a day makes the world of difference to your child in the long run. I remember feeling quite relieved, as this is mostly achievable.

hahaha dieu, "it's boring as fuck" haha. That's interesting that they say only 10 mins, I try to make sure she has at least that.

icklekid, the meals in the freezer thing isn't achievable yet, my mate did some for me a while back tho. That's interesting what you say about the sleep deprivation, I don't think I realise how sleep deprived I am, apart from when I start getting dizzy

thanks again so much for all yur kinds words, it's helped, must dash (you know why!! haha)