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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about DH having Friends to stay??!

14 replies

Bringmecrisps · 23/05/2016 17:19

We've been TTC for over a year and I have just finished a course of clomid (I have PCOS). Horrible side effects (I'm very unusually unwell) and just feel exhausted. We have our follicle scan on Thursday and I'm hoping it brings good news. We have friends staying this weekend which I could really do without but theyre travelling a long way and I don't want to cancel.

DH has been wonderful and of course wants a baby as much as I do. The problem is this: he's just emailed to say that a friend of his has asked to stay in two weekends' time - Friday and Saturday. This is quite a critical point for us, I feel, and I really could do without having potentially 3 lads in our house. We're both 30 by the way. Am I being a bit precious? He really does go above and beyond for me so there's no need to suggest I LTB ;-) and I haven't replied to him yet. I also kind of feel that he could do without a boozy weekend aswell. I feel ridiculous for writing this, but I am obsessing over my fertility at the moment.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bringmecrisps · 23/05/2016 17:21

And by "boozy weekend" I don't mean that he is heavy drinker but rather that as we are TTC with clomid this time he should abstain!

OP posts:

wheresthel1ght · 23/05/2016 17:22

I am a firm believer that the amount of pressure we put upon ourselves re fertility is a key factor in it failing.

We all need time out to relax and let our down in order to perform at our best in other areas of our lives and fertility is no different imo.

Try and relax, you might find it does you both the world of good!

Fridgedooropen · 23/05/2016 17:23

Could it not be rearranged for a different weekend when it's not a critical point in your cycle?

Original poster

Bringmecrisps · 23/05/2016 17:28

I'm sure it could be rearranged and I am certainly putting my life on hold I guess but I just feel so hopeful with the clomid. And I worry about DH drinking if we do conceive this month!

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 23/05/2016 17:30

I agree with wheresthel1ght. Could you also have a word with your partner and lay down a few ground rules for their stay so that you can relax. Say that while of course you will be welcoming you will not be playing hostess all weekend making drinks and meals. He needs to make sure there is plenty of food and drink and that he makes clear to his friends that they are to help themselves.

MangoBiscuit · 23/05/2016 17:32

Can you not just say to him "Ooh, that weekend's not ideal. How about the one after?"

BillSykesDog · 23/05/2016 17:39

I've done Clomid. It made me alternate between evil bitch from hell and a tearful wreck. It would not have been pleasant for anybody to have house guests at the time. Doesn't sound like you're having a very easy time with it either.

I ask DH to postpone. But I would couch it in terms of 'I am having side effects' rather than 'This is a critical time for procreation' because the sort of pressure the latter brings into play never helps anybody.

I know it's dreadfully hard, but do try and relax. If you can, look into something like massage or acupuncture to help with relaxation.

Good luck.

JustHappy3 · 23/05/2016 17:56

It's a while since I took Clomid. Will that be the weekend you need to be shagging - or the end of a 2 week wait? If the latter I think putting them off is a good idea. If shagging then they can visit but he can't drink.

GrumpyMummy123 · 23/05/2016 18:01

Talk to your husband. Does he realised it's not a good time?

We're TTC and just started Clomid too so get how anxious it can be. I have started putting little stars on the calendar for the optimum times of month so DH can see when he needs to be at home and not going out with mates on big boozy nights. We'look also avoid having anyone coming to stay at those times.

A while ago I did have a bit of an argument with DH for going on a boys weekend away during one of our fertile times. It transpired that he just hadn't realised. Although I can be a bit obsessed with dates and stuff he leaves it to me and wouldn't know if I didn't tell him.

There's no point putting your life on hold, but it is sensible to plan around your cycle if practical. Just chat to your DH.

Good luck

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/05/2016 18:12

If you need to need to be shagging then I would ask him to postpone. Neither of you are going to relax with a live in audience.

Best of luck.

Janecc · 23/05/2016 18:19

Do what is best for you. It is your body, which is going through this ordeal. Not your husbands. If your gut feeling is that it is the wrong time, go with it and postpone. You are not being awkward or precious and I would not have had boozy friends over when I did ivf.

Gribbie · 23/05/2016 18:39

If it fails you don't want have any "what if" thoughts (multiple IVF vetran here)

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 23/05/2016 19:20

If its your fertile time, then I think you should postpone the visit. It's no good putting yourself through Clomid, if dh is going to be out on a boozy weekend or if you are going to be restricted in the amount of sex you are happy to have with a houseful of guests.

WombOfOnesOwn · 23/05/2016 19:47

Also, if you do this again, ask your doctor about letrozole instead of clomid. Clomid is horrible stuff, I've had all the side effects and found out after 2 miscarriages that it increases MC risk. Letrozole allowed me to conceive with none of the same side effects and have a healthy live baby. Doctors really don't listen to women about how horrible the Clomid side effects are, in my experience, but if you keep at them they'll get it.

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