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AIBU?

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Original poster

How ill do your kids have to be before you keep them off?

99 replies

sockrage · 22/05/2016 21:07

For transparency dd usually has 98.8 - 100% attendance.

This year she has 97. Something. She has had three days off poorly plus half a day lost mark when she left school an hour before the end of school but two minutes before the afternoon register was taken. (weird day set up and only one period after lunch)

She has an awful cough and is coughing all the time. Her nose is running badly and she is running a minor temp.

The last time I sent her in like this teachers made comments how ill she was and how her eyes were streaming and it made me feel like a crap mother.

She is feeling rotten but imo it is just a bad cold. If it was me I would proprably be in work.

OP posts:
Hairyspiderinyourunderwear · 22/05/2016 21:40

I can't imagine dragging a sick dc into the school office for them to decide if they were sick enough for a day off. Some posters are bonkers.

Not bonkers, just was having mixed messages about keeping sick kids home while still having notes home about attendance when DS was sick. I was going in anyway as his brother was at the same school and he had to come with me because there was no-one to watch him at home.

Statelychangers · 22/05/2016 21:42

Gut feel - they look and feel grim, sometimes they recover by 9:00am and I take them into school late. Real tummy pains can be fairly temporary.

Scaredycat3000 · 22/05/2016 21:45

I can't imagine dragging a sick dc into the school office for them to decide if they were sick enough for a day off. Some posters are bonkers.

Some schools are bonkers, we were told to do this by DS's infant school. It was some sickly twaddle going on about when they are at school we are your DC's careers so send them in and if we think they are to ill for school we will contact you. The HT comments about attendance to parents of a newly long term seriously sick child were unbelievable.

My DS's are in nursery and infants. If they are to ill to play properly they are to ill to learn properly. Obviously this will change as they get older.

Stoneagemum · 22/05/2016 21:45

Cantwait another way of working it is to think that 1 day is roughly equal to 0.5 attendance over the year. It is slightly less as there are only 190 days not 200 in a school year, but it is close enough.

So 2 weeks off in one year takes you to close to 95% attendance which seems to be the level that schools start paying attention to ime

Enkopkaffetak · 22/05/2016 21:58

with DS (age 14 so in year 9) his attendance this year is in 60s We have had nothing but support and help from his school. However dd3 who have had 3 sickdays we have had a letter about her attendance..

Changes from school to school.

TeenAndTween · 22/05/2016 22:01

I would keep a child off for a bad cold if they were feeling so rotten they wouldn't be able to work productively. Better one day off to recover than struggle on for 3 or 4 at half rate. Similarly for work that uses brains not just doing stuff. Your DD definitely sounds poorly enough for a day off.

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 22:13

I used to be a bit more of a hardliner, until a) dd had come home really ill a couple of times because the school didn't send her home when her temperature went up b) I realised that dd's chronic condition was worsening and that there might be permanent damage because we had been told to force her to "push against the pain".

As for ds, I have always taken his word for how he feels: he is the type who will stagger in whatever so unlikely to be trying it on; otoh he is in quite good health generally so less likely to suffer from adverse effects if he does go in when maybe he shouldn't have. Dd wasn't like that when she was a child: any setback could set her back for days if not weeks.

Ime the cheerful "they have to be dying before I send them in" usually emanates from parents whose children do not become suddenly very ill from seemingly minor causes on a regular basis. Like ds.

WeeHelena · 22/05/2016 22:42

My dd is in first year of primary school and she gets a cold at least once a month I usually send her in on first day or two of signs but when it gets to her chest I feel sympathy and like I'm a bad mum if I send her in.
But I'm now thinking she will have to suck it up next term I can't afford all the time off work with being self employed.
In desparation we are taking multivitamins everyday.

Dungandbother · 22/05/2016 23:01

DD had a shocking January
Chicken pox
D&V
Flu virus

She only went to school 8 days out of 20.

She missed a couple before Xmas with D&V and one recently. Her attendance is through the floor FOR HER. School not bothered at all.

A classmate is off with a cough, a runny nose, a bad nights sleep, bit anxious today.... At least 3/4 times a month.

I sometimes send them in having had calpol in the morning, but more for things like toothache or headache or sore throat.

If they have a temp then no way. Home and bed/sofa day.

Dungandbother · 22/05/2016 23:06

Was meant to say, classmate has had 'meetings' with head over attendance even though their percentage is about the same. DD hasn't.

Purplehonesty · 22/05/2016 23:15

Not very ill to be honest.

Temperature, bad cold or cough and then all the rest of the nasty stuff.

I'm not particularly bothered about attendance rates - id rather they were comfortable at home.

Think ds has only had two days off in two years tho.

Newmanwannabe · 23/05/2016 06:17

Well I've just lost a day of pay today because I kept DD off. And the only reason she is off is because she caught a cough sore throat and temp. From the boy sitting next to her on Friday. Who WASN'T kept off. Pissed off is an understatement Angry

Toddzoid · 23/05/2016 06:25

I keep them off for sickness bugs until they're completely better. In the winter they had norovirus and just as they got better I got it really bad. I tried to get up and get everyone dressed for school with a view to dropping them in a taxi but nope, I could barely muster the strength to get out of bed before the urge to vomit struck again. So they had about three/four days off that week. Kept DD off for a couple of days with an ear infection. They were off for probably six days over winter all in all but haven't been off since.

I don't keep them off for colds but DS has been sent home three times because, and I quote, "he's a bit warm" Hmm. Once I got him outside he was fine, just needed a bit of fresh air.

SharingMichelle · 23/05/2016 06:34

My kids don't have to be terribly ill to be kept home.

If they don't feel well enough for school I don't send them. I also let them stay home if they're too tired for school.

No point spreading the germs about, and sending them in when they're run down just means they catch every other bug that's whizzing about and they end up having even more time off.

They are all young though - oldest is 10.

maybebabybee · 23/05/2016 06:47

I would never send her in with a temperature.

I wouldn't go to work with that either. Why spread it around?

Dangerouswoman · 23/05/2016 06:50

I used to send dc in with a bad cold but these days I keep them off if they are coughing and spluttering for the sake of everyone around them.

Once I sent in dd with a heavy cold and the teacher sent a message via dd saying, stay off tomorrow. I've chilled out about it since.

ComaToes · 23/05/2016 06:59

If they don't want / eat breakfast, that's a good sign they're really feeling ill. Plus the usual D&V, temp, been up all night ill and too tired to manage even if now feeling better.

A runny nose or cough and I send them in, but neither seem to get bad colds.

pearlylum · 23/05/2016 07:06

Sending a child to school with a temperature is cruel.

I don't pay any attention to the school recommendations. I am the parent and I make decisions about my child's health and attendance.
I would also keep a child off if they are tired and need a good sleep.

gamerwidow · 23/05/2016 07:17

I only keep dd(6) home for d&v, fever or illnesses with a quarantine period like chicken pox. I wouldn't normally keep her home for a cold because I wouldn't stay home from work with a cold and I can't really afford the time off either. If I was a sahm I might be tempted to keep her at home more often but I have to at least be seen to go to work when she's unwell even if I do end up being called to school to get her. Just another crap thing about being a working parent.

Original poster
sockrage · 23/05/2016 07:24

Thanks all. The reason dd is ill is half of school has tonsillitus and bugs and sre in school.

OP posts:
whatamess0815 · 23/05/2016 07:24

I only keep the DC at home for N&V, high temperatures and other contagious diseases (e.g. chicken pox) at home. I think my stay at home threshold is very high but with work, no family support and a disabled child that has appointments on top, I massive struggle to get through the year on 20 days annual leave and sent them in if possible.

sometimes I feel really bad and wish I were a Sahm or could afford some additional days off.

Original poster
sockrage · 23/05/2016 07:26

*are.

OP posts:
Nothavingfunrightnow · 23/05/2016 07:31

Keep her off. A cold is not always "just a cold". Sometimes you can feel pretty crap with it! I reckon from your description, your child feels like shit!

EarthboundMisfit · 23/05/2016 07:33

Not all that ill at the minute in Y1. Normal coughs and colds and they go in. Anything more and they stay home. Their attendance is only about 97%, which is under what the school requests, but no one has said anything.

sunnyoutside · 23/05/2016 07:35

For me it depends on their age. When they are in reception and yr1 if they are knackered and sniffly I let them have a quiet duvet day. My eldest is in Yr11 and up until he broke his ankle last month had 100% since yr9 so I don't think the odd day off when he was 5 has done him any harm. But he did have to actually break a bone to get a day off or he would have to be bedridden with d&v. Dc3 is 5 and I take the same approach as I did with dc1. I appreciate I am "lucky" (doesn't feel lucky as I desperately want a job) to be a sahm though so I can make that decision.