To ask about child maintenance

[EatDickShrek]

Hi there. I don't have kids myself but am a fairly long term lurker on mn. I have been consistently shocked by the ease with which dead-beat dads get away with not supporting their children. I was wandering if anyone with experience would be willing to discuss changes they feel would make a difference in our child maintenance system. Thanks.

I am aware that women also leave their children but the vast majority of single parents are women. By 'not supporting their kids' and 'deadbeat dads' I mean men who do not have custody of their children but withold financial support from the resident parent. I'm sorry. I thought that would have been clear from my OP.

By feminism throwing mothers under the bus I mean that there is a lot of discussion of getting individual wealthy women like Hillary Clinton into positions of power whilst ignoring that carers (of whom a majority are female) often live in poverty and that low income women in particular are made very financially vulnerable when they have kids. I also feel that in the ( admittedly mostly young and middle class) feminist spaces I've been in women wear their desire not to become mothers as a badge of pride and kind of sneer at women who are 'just mothers'. This is such a shitty attitude and it bugs me cause reforms giving a living wage and support to carers as well as supporting mothers to raise their kids would make life much better for women than say having another Margaret Thatcher in power would.

Thanks to the posters who've genuinely replied. Interesting food for thought.

I've been on here for years now but v. rarely post as I find online arguments quite intimidating and tbh this thread has reminded me why. Might do a DM Sad Face story about being set upon by the nest of vipers :p

I knew a Derek, he became a priest.

I personally just think it would have been more interesting to discuss NRP not just "dead beat dads" which is done to death casting female RP as saintly - I am just fed up with the attitude that mothers can do no wrong. I don't think that makes me a viper!

My ex is not dead beat hes on the telly he's quite rich.

I dont think that acknowledging that the burden of mananging sparse family finances due to a dead beat parent falls mainly on the shoulder of women is suggesting that they are saintly.

The fact is the non paying NRP is a massive issue in the UK and the majority of those people are men. Because there is no social judgement on men like this, no criminal deterrent, no financial effect and a collection agency that is not fit for purpose, they get away with it.

There are always those that will duck and dive to avoid it, but by putting measures in place such as adverse credit rating, loss of driving licence, seizing of assets and jail time AND HAVE THESE MEASURES ACTUALLY USED it will create enough of a deterrent to the majority of dodgers.

I get where you're coming from but I think removing gendered language removes the gendered nature of the disparity i.e. that fatherhood rarely results in poverty but that motherhood easily can and that it's seen as more socially acceptable for men to just opt out of parenthood. I wasn't implying you were a viper just amused at the pile on to accuse me of being a journo.

The CMS to actually work on the hard cases not the easy pickings.

Portia some of the biggest dead beats are also the richest because they can afford to hide their assets with clever accountants and business arrangements

Thanks Fidelia that's really comprehensive. Bogey you beat me to it and put my thoughts much more eloquently.

You're right OP. Don't let the whataboutery cloud the discussion. The issue is of course with non-resident parents of either sex who don't pay for their children. But probably 99% of the time that's men. However, the rules (if Bogey, Fidelia and I ran the country) apply equally to the women who do this too.

The CMS to actually work on the hard cases not the easy pickings

This. I've already posted my own experiences on another thread today. Ex has small part time job but the majority of his income is from self-rmployment. He only declares and is assessed upon his (frequently changing) part time job. When I reported this to CSA, they basically told me it was up to me to prove his lifestyle didn't match his declared income. They said if I could provide details on his car, home, social activities etc it would all help. I have no contact with him and don't think this should be my responsibility.

Custody doesn't exist any longer. and your point is?

Winds that's such bullshit. I'm sorry they and him are so crap.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2446176-If-you-negotiated-with-the-CSA-on-behalf-of-your-husband-today-yesterday-because-of-his-arrears-read-this

I posted this thread last year.

Ended up ok ish. Not least because the month before last they took a whopping £650 out of his wages because they were sick of him pissing about and it was within the allowed percentages. They werent allowed to tell me but the (very nice) lady at the CSA implied that his wife was apocalyptically cross :o

His normaly payments are £250 ish btw to put that into perspective.

There was a good thread on this that made the Facebook page last year. I think the title was asking people how they'd personally reform the maintenance system. Lots of great answers there if you can find it.

I would arrest the money from the NRP's wages, much like a sheriff court would for non payment of things like council tax. I would have non payment treated as a debt that negatively affects a persons credit rating. I would make life as difficult for non paying arseholes as possible

I'll have a read thanks all

Bogey I read you thread at the time and was horrified. Glad CSA did something in the end.

Withholding maintenance is financial abuse and should be treated as such by HMRC & the criminal justice system.

I don't see how people suggesting removing peoples driving licences is of any relevance, or any sort of rational idea.

I and many other people use their cars/motorbikes/whatever as either a means of getting to/from work, or as a part of their actual job, to remove the ability to do that is surely counter productive, if I have no driving licence, I have no job, try getting child maintenance money out of someone who is unable to work due to an ill thought out punative punishment.

But if they knew they'd stand to lose their license then the majority would pay the CM in the first place to avoid it getting to that stage.

Randy, come on, use your noggin.

If you stood to lose your licence for not paying for your child, you'd be more likely to pay for your child.

If you're not paying for your child in the first place, then actually the person who most loses out from you losing your job is you, as the child is already not getting the money. And most selfish fuckers who don't pay CM so they can spend all their money on themselves wouldn't want to lose their job, and thus their income.

When there's a speed camera somewhere do you shoot past it at 120mph knowing you'd lose your licence? No. You don't. Because losing your licence is an effective deterrent because people don't want to lose their ability to drive/work.